one | voice

[thneed]

Sooo-- [ nervous laughing ] Just, you know, checking here...

Nobody actually buys that whole 'fictional' thing, right? And the doctors are just completely out of their minds? Or amazingly good actors and this is a very impressive prank, which good job by the way because that almost had me, and everyone can stop now?

Right?

Comments

[callbacks]

i dont know
this shit makes a hell of a lot more sense than anything that ever actually happened to me
whats your story dude
blow up in any suns lately

[thneed]

How could this possibly make more sense?
You don't really want to hear it and ...what? No. No, I haven't blown up a sun lately. Or at all. How do you even go about doing that?

[callbacks]

its not that hard
you dont really have to do anything besides stand there and look stupid
and then boom
youre fried
i mean i guess i had to make a map to get there but im kind of an artistic genius so that wasnt a big deal

[thneed]

[ wat. ] Of course you are.

[maiditoutalive]

Nope! You're going to have to wait to find out with the rest of us.

[thneed]

Well that's disappointing news.

[maiditoutalive]

I am working with very limited material here! You can either settle for disappointing, soul-crushing truth, or comforting lies that are, to be honest, are probably not going to be comforting for very long when we have another monster invasion. You will have to overcome the disappointment and carry on either way.

[thneed]

Disappointing truth or comforting lies, huh? [ sounds familiar ] Um. Can you go into detail about that monster invasion part?

[ihateyouetc]

/!\ ATTENTION NEW ARRIVAL /!\
WOW, IT LOOKS LIKE THE FIRST GUY TO "ANSWER" YOUR QUESTIONS COMPLETELY FUCKING SUCKS AT IT.
WHAT A SHOCKER.
ACTUALLY, THE SHOCK WOULD BE ANYONE BEING SURPRISED BY THAT!
GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES, I'M DEIGNING TO TAKE A MOMENT OUT OF MY INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT TIME TO SAY:
1.) EVEN THE MOST FEEBLE MINDS RESIDING ON THIS SHITTASTIC ISLAND BARELY ENTERTAIN THAT THOUGHT.
2.) THE GENERAL CONSENSUS IS THEY'RE FUCKING WITH US.
YOU'RE WELCOME.

[thneed]

Good to know, I guess. Thank you for that straightforward and colorful answer.

[ihateyouetc]

NO PROBLEM.
NOW IF YOU HAVE ANY OTHER QUESTIONS THAT ULTIMATELY HAVE NO ANSWERS
ASK SOMEONE ELSE.

[callbacks]

you snooze you lose asshole

1/4 SORRY ONCE-LER.

[ihateyouetc]

DUDE, YOU DIDN'T EVEN ANSWER HIS QUESTIONS.
ALLOW ME TO ILLUSTRATE THE SCENARIO FOR YOU IN A FASHION YOU CAN UNDERSTAND.
THIS SET OF ENCLOSURE TALONS REPRESENTS THE NEW GUY. "OH, HEY! I'M A NEW GUY. I'M HERE DOING NEW THINGS, LIKE NOT UNDERSTANDING WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, WHICH IS PRETTY TYPICAL FOR BEING A NEW GUY. LIKE SERIOUSLY DUDES, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON! CAN ANYONE HELP ME????"

[ihateyouetc]

AND *THIS* SET OF ENCLOSURE TALONS INDICATES A REPLY A NORMAL SENTIENT CREATURE WOULD THINK TO SAY IN THIS SCENARIO: "HO THERE, STRANGER! WOW, IT SURE LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE IN A 'PINCH' OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER HUMANS SAY TO EACH OTHER TO SOUND FRIENDLY AND HELPFUL. I'LL ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS IN A SANE AND CONTINUOUS FASHION AND PERHAPS EVEN INCLUDE NUMBERED BULLET POINTS TO MAKE SURE MY RESPONSE IS CLEAR AND CONCISE!"

[ihateyouetc]

AND *THESE* ENCLOSURE TALONS REPRESENT WHAT YOU ACTUALLY SAID: "YEAH DUDE I'M BEING MADE TO GO TO SUMMER CAMP THIS PLACE IS THE SHITS."

[ihateyouetc]

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

[notvictorious]

No, most people don't believe it, but that doesn't mean they let us go or anything.

[thneed]

Nobody's figured out how to get out of here?

[notvictorious]

People disappear sometimes, but I'm not completely sure they're leaving willingly.

[ricinbeans]

Yeah, that was my question too. Nobody buys it, you're good.

[thneed]

Awesome. The last thing I need is to start questioning my existence.

[ricinbeans]

Yo, isn't that kinda heavy for a kid?

[soundofmagic]

I hate to break it to you, but it's not that easy. We're pretty much stuck here until further notice.

[thneed]

Not one of you people have good news, huh?

[soundofmagic]

I hear there's a great shawarma place somewhere around here?