#07

[ontheropes]

[ TEXT TO STEVE, CLINT & DEREK ]
I'm sorry. I'm back to normal now, I promise. I don't blame you if you wanna avoid me for a while.

[ ACTION FOR NATASHA ]
[ After sending the texts, he heads up to the roof. She had texted him earlier and he was finally ready to try to start... understanding all of this. It was still fuzzy in his mind, like a terrible nightmare that you can't shake. He was rubbing an scratching at his arm - his flesh arm - as he approached her on the roof. ] Hey...

Comments

[ontheropes]

[ He runs his hand through her hair. ] Guess this place had other plans... [ Bucky rests his forehead against hers. ] So all that... all this in my head now. It's real?

[vdova]

[ Natasha close her eyes, and nods slowly. ] Yes. All of it.

[ontheropes]

He... I. [ He sighs, just sounding exhausted. But he smiles just slightly. ] Guess I'm always destined to fall for you, huh?

[vdova]

[ She has to laugh at that a little, a soft little chuckle with no sound, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. ] I don't believe in fate.

[ontheropes]

I might start when it comes to you though. [ He chuckles back, moving his hand to her cheek. ] You knew this whole time?

[vdova]

No, not at first. At first, I thought it was just strange that you looked alike. But then there were little things... [ She trails off, leaning into his cheek, glancing down and away. ] And I couldn't risk hurting you. You're a good man.

[ontheropes]

[ He huffs dryly. ] Sort of. [ His gaze flicks away from her. His chest still aches with all of this; what he becomes, what he does. ] I almost... I almost hurt Steve. I wanted to kill him.

[vdova]

But you didn't. [ She is firm, insistent. Whether or not she draws a line between Winter Soldier and Bucky isn't the point. Whoever he was, whoever he considers that person to be or have been, that person didn't kill Steve. ] And if anyone can understand, I'm sure it's the Captain.

[ontheropes]

I know, it's just... [ He looks back at her, running his hand up into her hair again. ] It still feels like some horrible nightmare. And knowing that I had that thought - even if it wasn't really me - about someone I love. [ He shakes his head. ]

[vdova]

Don't. [ Her voice takes on a warning tone, but she's still gentle with her words and touch, grasping at his shirt and bringing his hips close. ] Don't do that to yourself. You can move beyond it. I know it's hard, James, but you can. Trust me. [ She doesn't even realize the name slippage, concentrating only on his body against hers, the feel of his breath and the feel of his fingers in her hair. ] If you can trust anything about me at all, trust that.

[ontheropes]

[ He takes a deep breath, just letting himself feel her. He notices the name, how can he not, but he doesn't feel the usual gut reaction of 'I'm Bucky!'

Because... well, he's never just been Bucky to her, has he? Out of anyone else in the universe, she's the only one who will ever understand his nightmare. And he realizes he really does love her for it.

He smiles softly. ] I do. I'd go nuts without you, Natalia. I would. [ And with that he leans in to kiss her again. ]

[vdova]

[ Natalia--

No, if anyone could call her that, if anyone knew what that name meant to her, with everything it entailed, the baggage it contained, the past it brought up.. if anyone could be allowed to use it, it was him. He knew her as she was, and he knows her as she is, and he still wants to be around her.

It means more to her than he will probably ever know.

She kisses him back and rests their foreheads together, smiling just a little bit. ] No. You have Steve. But it's a nice sentiment.

[ontheropes]

[ He smiles bit and shakes his head ever so slightly. ] I do, but it's different. You're the only one that can understand this... this whatever it is I'm forced to become.

[ He tries to tug her even closer, just wanting her as close to his heart as she could possibly get. ] And I love you, y'know.

[vdova]

[ She rests against him for a brief moment before it hits her what he said, and she pulls away (though not all the way, just enough so she can look up at his face), her surprise (mixed with trepidation mixed with hesitant joy) quite plain on her face. ] What?

[ontheropes]

I love you. [ He says it gently and brushes his thumb across her cheek. ] How could I not, after all this? No matter who I am, I fall for you.

[vdova]

[ And she grabs him close, burying her fingers in his hair, pressing her face to his neck.

When she speaks, it is a whisper. ] I love you too, James.

[ontheropes]

[ And he grins, the first bright and big smile he's sad since he changed back to normal. He holds her close and chuckles, but it's obviously a happy one. An extremely happy one. ] Look at us, a couple of saps.