If it's any consolation, I am too.

[Okay, she might not know much about phones, but she's pretty sure he'll break his if he hits it with the chair.]

W-wait, put the chair down! It's okay! Really, it is. These, um... things are called "phones"; it's how people here talk to one another when they're not nearby. I don't exactly know how they work, only that they do.