thoughtformed | [Audio]

[Oh, dear. Oftentimes, it seemed the hardest thing about this place was the sheer amount of loss - you were always mourning the unexpected departure of a friend, or you knew someone who was.

Of course, some had it worse than others. Koizumi's voice was quiet and gentle, understanding of what she was going through.] I'm so sorry, Aqua-san. Captain Kirk-san was released on the 21st.

[For her it's even twice as hard. She lost people already from her home world. Now, it felt like it was happening again.]

He was released yesterday. [And she failed to notice, failed to check up on him, failed to make sure he's okay. Probably is. He wanted to get off of here anyway.]

I'm afraid so. [He hesitated, a little unsure of himself. Everyone handled grief differently, but, if he could help...] Would you... like some company?

I don't want to bother you. [The words are whispered with Aqua continuing to do her best to not cry or throw a fit. There was no point to it. Besides,s he shouldn't be bothering anyone with her problems.]

You wouldn't be bothering me, Aqua-san. If I minded, I wouldn't have offered. [That's probably a lie, he would have offered anyway, but he really doesn't mind.]

I always keep to myself when I've lost someone. And I know that that's probably bad for me. If I could help you through this, make it just a little easier... I'd like to be there for you.

I've lost too many people, enough to last more than one life time. [Her voice sounds close to breaking there, cracking from holding back tears. Even though she's switched the audio to private, she doesn't wan to start sobbing by talking. She switches it over to text.]

At the bookstore, further back to the right.

Edited 2013-10-23 22:44 (UTC)

I'll be right over.

****

[Ten minutes later, he's opening the door of the bookstore. He moves gingerly toward the back, not wanting to startle her. He calls out softly.] Aqua-san?

[Aqua would be in the back, curled up with her back pressed against a bookcase. Her head is bowed with her bangs covering her eyes.]

I'm here. [Her voice is soft, not wanting to be found, but wanting to be so since Koizumi is here.]

[He rounds the final row of bookshelves and spots here, gaze softening even as his heart went out to her. Losing people wasn't easy for anybody, but he knew she'd already lost several who were close to her. Even more than that... she just seems so small, curled up like that, so sad and vulnerable. It makes him wish he could fix things for her, protect her from the world.

He crouches down next to her for a moment, then hesitantly puts a warm hand on her shoulder.] And I'm here too.

[Aqua doesn't move or flinch as his hand rests on her shoulder.

'For now' is all she wants to say. Because he's there, for now. He won't always be there. What made her think that Kirk and Terra would stay? She had a habit of letting people slip through her fingers. She thought things would be different this time around, but the end result is still the same.

People leave and people go, what made her think she could on to any of them? You need to go out and live. She could hear Kirk's voice then, making her heart clench and eyes water.]

...Hi. {It's all she can muster right now. A single word to try and hide all she's feeling, or at least hold back the flood of emotions inside of her.]

[He hears the silent 'for now' appended to his statement, because he was thinking it too. He wishes he could tell her he will stay, but such a promise would be worse than meaningless - they both know it's a promise he wouldn't be able to keep. Not by choice, anyway.

He gives her a sad smile.] Hello.

[There isn't anything to say - no promises to be made, no words of comfort that can help. If there are, Koizumi doesn't know them. He is simply here for her. A presence by her side - an assurance that she's not alone. An open ear if she wants to talk.

He turns and quietly situates himself next to her, sitting side to side with her, his back to the bookshelf. He moves his hand to her other arm, resting a comforting arm lightly across her shoulders.]

[It's more than enough to have him right next to her. Having his arm around her shoulders is enough to make her lean on him and bow her head even more. There's a lump in her throat, one she's trying to swallow while her eyes sting with unshed tears.

All she can do is breathe at this point.

Breathe and not start sobbing on the poor guy.]

Edited 2013-10-25 03:13 (UTC)

[When she bows her head, he squeezes her shoulder briefly in reassurance. He leans in a little to her, his motion mirroring hers. He can feel how she's just barely holding everything in.

His other hand moves to take one of hers, fingers curling gently. Then he speaks - his voice quiet and kind and very sincere.] Hey - you don't have to hold back. You're grieving, of course you are. There's nothing wrong with that.

...It's all right to cry.

[Aqua shakes her head, trying so hard to keep everything back and burying it in her. She had to this once before, to stop her grieving and try to focus on other things. Sadly, that's harder to do when she's with company. It was easier to do so alone, but she wouldn't want to go back to where she was before.

Her hand tightens and squeezes his as she takes in a slow, deep breath.]

It won't...do anything. Crying...lashing out...it won't do anything.

[He holds her tightly, and his thumb beginning to make a gentle circling motion across the back of her hand.

He nods solemnly.] Of course, Aqua-san.

[She gives him a slow nod, still trying to control her emotions. The even and controlled breathing was helping, but each breath she takes makes her lower lip quiver. Her hand continues to hold his in a tight manner. No matter how hard she tries to keep everything inside, she can't.

Aqua begins to lean on him, pressing her head against his shoulder. A tear slides down her cheek. It's followed by another until she's sobbing quietly against Koizumi. Later, she'll apologize for getting his shirt wet with her tears, but for now all all she can do is cry.]

[Koizumi sees her walls crumbling even before they fall completely, but he knows there's nothing more he can do to help her right now, so he leans his head on top of hers and just holds her tightly, rocking gently back and forth.

He doesn't notice his shirt getting wet, and if he did he wouldn't care. It was a small price to pay for whatever little comfort he was able to give her by being here. He would tell her not to worry about it later - changing shirts is not exactly a chore.

He stays like that, quiet and uncomplaining, for as long as she needs.]

No. Goddamnit, you're not fucking serious.

I'm afraid I am.

He's gone.

Fuck.
FUCK!!!!!!!!
J8st. Fuck8ng WH8TEVER.
Dammit, Jim.

No. Do you want...to be alone?

Edited 2013-10-28 04:29 (UTC)

I'm not sure.

Can I see you?

I don't think that's a wise idea.

Okay. Do what you need to.

I'll be fine..

Please, don't worry.

Edited 2013-10-28 04:57 (UTC)

You know that's impossible.

You can try.

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