If Somebody Loves You - Closed Log

[librariansheart]

Who: Sheska and the Eleventh Doctor
What: alcohol and nightmares don't mix
Where: mostly the TARDIS
When: late Feb 14th
Warnings: nightmares, depression, egregious hurt/comfort


It really had been a lovely night. It really had. Dinner and drinks with a Rudy so much closer to the sweet teenager of her island-twisted memories, a long walk under the stars, and an amazing kiss....

Sheska smiled and lifted the bottle of wine cooler to her lips, then stared down at it, surprised to find it empty. Hadn't she just started this one? Ah well. She still had... Hm. Three left, out of that six pack. Well, that's what she'd been planning on doing with them, right? Drinking them? Freeing the next one, she held it up, watching the bubbles trail along the inside of the glass. Drink to forget... Wasn't that what Sirius did all the time? Or was that to remember. Well nothing else was helping. Maybe he was onto something. Only one way to find out.

The liquid was smooth, fruity, with just enough alcohol that she had begun to feel things starting to slide after two. Everything was fuzzy now, layered in fog, but she should still be able to walk. And she hadn't spilled anything on her dress yet, so that was always good. She'd just finish this one, and see if she could bring herself to go home after.

The guilt, the pain, the regret... the impotency. The memories. The horrors that terrorized her in the middle of the night and woke her, paralyzed and unable to so much as whimper. They were too much. Too much, too fast, arriving all at once like that. She'd tried stimulants. She'd tried sleeping more. Or trying to sleep more. She'd tried wearing herself out. She'd tried writing it out. She'd thought herself into knots. None of it had done any good. So now she was trying a new way.

Comments

[icanbuyafez]

The Doctor had had a fairly uneventful day. He hadn't made any plans, and everyone he knew seemed busy, so for him the day had turned out to be a day to remember. Everyone he'd loved, and everyone he'd lost - the lists were appallingly similar. He'd spent the day wandering the town and the forest, looking with hope and quiet sorrow at all the relationships he saw, the love and the joy, the anger and sadness. Even here, trapped on this island, life was both cruel and beautiful.

He was wandering out of the forest, making his way back to the TARDIS, when he came across Sheska on the park bench. "Sheska?" His concerned eyes take in the half-empty six-pack and the hazy look in her eyes. "What's wrong?"

[librariansheart]

She blinks up at him, having a hard time focusing. "Oh.... 'S you! G'd ev'ning Doctor. Out walking?" Walking at night... watching the stars... tasting a hint of a romance she could never allow to happen, for Rudy's sake. A weird, wistful smile makes an appearance and she shifts over on the bench, patting it.

"You c'n come sit. If you wan'to."

[icanbuyafez]

He slowly sits next to her, considering her worriedly. "Walking. And remembering.

But what are you doing out here? This doesn't exactly look like a celebration..."

[librariansheart]

She laughs, shaking her head muzzily. "It's sort've a celebration, maybe..." She offers him one of the remaining bottles and raises her own. "To a night wellll spent. An'a better night ahead."

Sheska doesn't even wait for him to toast, taking a drink and leaning back to look up at the sky again. "A night without mem'ries..." she murmurs, and it's unclear if she actually meant to say it out loud.

[icanbuyafez]

"Sheska..." Eleven looks at her sadly, recognizing the effects of heartache and nightmares and exhaustion. It was a shame to see it in one so young and innocent. He gives her an old, kind smile, taking one of her hands gently in his.

"Of course. Let's get you home, though, hmm? We shouldn't stay out all night."

[librariansheart]

She lets him take her hand, but resists being drawn up. "I'm not ready t' go home ri' now. An' i's so pretty out! You c'n go if you like, though... I'll jus' wait a li'l longer."

[icanbuyafez]

"Don't worry, Sheska, I'm not going anywhere. We can wait for a bit." He remains holding her hand, just sitting on the bench beside her. He's quiet for a long moment, and then... "Will you tell me what happened?"

[librariansheart]

The pause is long enough to wonder if she heard the question. Finally she raises her bottle and contemplates the color of the street lamp through the alcohol. "D'you ever feel like you just... can't do anything right?" Soft and sad, her voice has lost almost all of its slur and she seems almost lucid. "No matter how m'ny times you make a m'stake, you can't seem to learn from it?"

A laugh hitches in her throat and she washes it away with another drink. "M'okay. Jus' maudlin. I figured it out this time, y'see. It'll get better now. Can't go anywhere but up now."