thoughtformed | (no subject)

WHO: The 10th Doctor, Jack and Ryoji
WHAT: Talkin' about heavy things.
WHERE: Jack & Ryoji's apartment.
WHEN: tonight, probably! (refer to time stamp)

[It's quiet, and it has been for a few days. Ryoji, who had been anxiously awaiting closure from Rory's kidnapping, had been relieved to find that he had been safely returned. He felt his anxiety wash from him as soon as Rory's safety was confirmed. Everything seemed lighter. It was another person rescued, though he knew that soon enough, another would fall victim to the Dark Hour. And another, and another. It crossed his mind that if this continued, that he might once again have to offer the options he did in Iwatodai. Finally, he shook his head, clearing himself of his formerly depressing thoughts.]

We'll see what happens ...

[He breathes to himself, allowing the breath to empty his lungs. It's not soon after his mind begins to wander again that there's a knock on the door. Once again his thoughts scatter, and he rises from his spot at the kitchen table. A visitor? Teddie, Atsumi or Minato maybe? Perhaps one of the other friends he's made (or a very, very pretty girl).

When the door opens he takes one look at the Doctor and makes the obvious conclusion.]

Ah ... hello, good evening. Are you here to see Jack?

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It's not an easy thing to do. Putting yourself in the line of fire for the sake of others. Though, I guess having the whole of everything riding on you doing that makes it a little easier to swallow. I think we've been there before, right Doctor?

[Jack shot The Doctor a knowing little smile, having a feeling that he would understand probably more than anyone.]

I guess everything's gotta die someday. But there's no point in just waiting for it. Then it would be more like waiting for the bus, and it's not much of a life.

Seems to me that being in this form has helped you. Not so easy to distance yourself when you're in the mix, is it?

I never wanted to distance myself.

[Finally, he looks at ease, no matter how forelorn.]

I love my friends, and I love this place ... as awful as people think it is. I love the smell of the ocean, and what it looks like as the sun sets. I love the food here, and I love ... many things that this time and this body have given me.

Perhaps it was easier when I was just a Shadow, and just the Appriser. But even in exchange for this grief, I would never have it any other way.

And we're not going to try to change that. That's exactly why you should hold onto hope, Ryoji, Even something meant to be devoted to Death can find hope and love for life -- so can everyone else. There are no lost causes.

[His voice is reassuring, but he fidgets, just a little.]

Still. I suppose I should ask the obvious question.

Do you know what happened to the previous seal? Or how Nyx is able to start sneaking through the barrier, now?

I don't know.

There were many things that I was sure of in Iwatodai that I can't confirm here.

[It bothers him, but in the same way he finds it hopeful. The events didn't exactly mirror what had happened in Iwatodai, and he found himself a lot less sure of things regarding the Fall in New Moore. As many pieces as had been picked up by the other Persona users, he still didn't know what to make of it.]

The person who became that barrier is here, and... she...

[He breathes. It's only getting more difficult.]

She's alive, but she shouldn't be.

I don't know how separated this place is from the world we once lived in. I keep asking myself if I've been summoned here by this place, but I can't even answer that with any certainty. In Iwatodai, I knew when the Fall would come, and here ...

I don't know. I'm sorry.

I think it might be safe to say that anything that happened before you, or any one else, arrived doesn't matter. Things don't make sense here for anyone... so you're not alone in being confused.

A lot of people are seeing people who shouldn't be here. Anomalies.

[Jack folded his hands in his lap and looked hard at Ryoji, a serious look on his face]

Unless you're some kind of exception. Which means that you're involved in this place as something more than just a resident.

Am I right?

[Ryoji's brows furrowed in response. This just kept raising more questions that he was unable to answer.]

I don't know. I could be, or somehow, I could have brought all of this with me ...

I don't have an answer. I can't even predict when Nyx will arrive.

[And that terrified him.]

Maybe there is no answer. Maybe you can't tell because she's not coming at all? I mean, yeah, the universe will end someday, but who's to say it'll be destroyed from this Nyx?

Unless you have a sort of... inherent knowledge about when things die?

[Jack leaned forward, his expression changing to curiosity rather than accusatory.]

Do you know that kind of thing? I mean, if you're Death, shouldn't you know things like that?

No, the Dark Hour, even without my presence accounted, is the realm of Nyx. She will come, but for now, her arrival can't be predicted.

[The question came as a bit of a surprise, and his brows knit together. For a moment, he seems to be thinking about his answer. Then he replies, carefully.]

If I did possess that knowledge, it wouldn't be my place to say. Death arrives for everyone separately, sometimes we choose that fate, and other times that fate chooses us. Whatever happens, know that everything ends, and nothing is eternal. It's part of life.

[The Doctor looks over at Jack very carefully, gauging his reaction to this statement. It's very much not his story to tell. After a long moment of contemplation, he turns back to Ryoji, and smiles briefly. Death or not, he's also a child. A young man. And the Doctor finds he approves of him, very much.]

[Jack met The Doctor's glance for a moment, then simply smiles at Ryoji.]

The island has some immortals on it. What about them? Can death come for something that cannot die? Or is the only thing they can do just wait for the end of everything? And then what?

[Jack paused, having to almost physically stop himself from overwhelming Ryoji with questions that had been burning in his mind since he first figured out he couldn't die back on Ellis Island.]

[It's strange. He's more prepared for questions that were about the Fall, but it seems that Jack has other things in mind. From the way he's talking, it's as if these questions had time to form and reform themselves constantly, change shape until they were perfect.

He doesn't look overwhelmed, but somewhere between saddened and curious. It almost seems like the words he's looking for might not be there, no matter how hard he tries.]

Jack-san ... you can't live life waiting for Death. It comes, like it comes to everyone. There is no such thing as immortality or eternal life. It's a contradiction. Life means Death, and because we believe in life we die. But that life doesn't have to be waiting, it can be living, even when Death happens to those around you.

Don't let Death cause your suffering, just let it remind you of how precious every second is, and accept it when it comes.

I'm sorry I can't give you the answer you want, but you might find it along the way.

[Suddenly, he looks very serious, almost pleading, and he leans forward closer to the two men.]

Please ... don't wish for it. Don't allow those feelings to take you. All life is beautiful, from the lives that seem like they go on forever, to the lives that feel that they've destroyed something irreplaceable.

[Jack frowned. Interesting. So it seemed that Ryoji couldn't detect people who just can't die. He shook his head and sat back in his seat. What he said made sense, but at the same time he had believed up to this point that he was just going to live forever, and maybe longer.]

I have no intention of just waiting for it. I've had a long time to think about it though, and I certainly don't want it to come sooner than it needs to. If it comes at all.

But you're saying that everything dies? You're sure about that?

You can't have life without Death.

[He pauses, audibly again, taking a breath.]

Everything, there is no escape. The presence of your Shadow proves your mortality.

[The captain contemplates the answer for a long moment, then nods, accepting the answer. He was almost certain he had some kind of Shadow if Ryoji said so. But was it a mark of mortality? He couldn't say, but he didn't exactly want to believe it. Especially after he had stood in Abaddon's shadow and not only survived, but overloaded the beast with his own seemingly endless life force.]

I guess you would be the expert.

[Jack let out a sigh and withdrew into his mind, unsure of whether he should be troubled or relieved.]