1st Invasion

[irken_elite]

BEHOLD, PEOPLE OF NEW MOORE. LOOK UPON ME! LOOK UPON ZIM!

What filthy lies do these miserable monkeys tell to ZIM?! What is this nonsense of ‘Make-Believe’? TELL ME! I have been informed by these so-called ‘Authorities’ that I am a work of human fiction? NONSENSE! They speak only lies and cannot be trusted. This I see now, and I must first set up my base of-

My... My new home. Hoooo Boy. Moving sure is hard. What a totally horrible inconvenience in my completely normal Earth-maggot life, this moving is. Yes. That sounds adequate, indeed.

Comments

[choosefight.livejournal.com]

...I guess this explains the spaceships?

[irken_elite]

SPACESHIPS?! There are Spaceships that have landed here? HERE? Where are they? I must know immediately! Tell me... TELL MEEE!

[choosefight.livejournal.com]

Huh. So maybe not? Anyway, you probably can't miss them if you look outside.

[irken_elite]

Yes, yes, of course, of course! I was.. um... merely... overwhelmed by the city! And.. And... all of the NEWS! Oh the NEWS! It's all so strange and NEW that I don't know what I will do.

[choosefight.livejournal.com]

...yeah, totally! Um, I'm sure you'll do great once you get a chance.

[shes-traught.livejournal.com]

[voice]

You've got green skin. Martian?

[He does not seem very Martian, but maybe?]

[irken_elite]

NONSENSE. My skin is just like other putrid earth-worm skin in every way! It only differs in color because of a horrible congenital condition too horrible to even describe because of hit's horrible horribleness.

But I assure you that nothing about me is strange or even remotely alien at all. Carry on, citizen!

[shes-traught.livejournal.com]

[Okay, yup, not her sort of Martian. Interest officially lost. If he's dangerous, she'll run into him later. If not, whatever.]

Whatever you say.

[irken_elite]

And besides, all of your Martians are dead. They were ugly with big stupid heads.

[shes-traught.livejournal.com]

[Woah woah woah you do NOT insult her best friend even indirectly.]

Watch it, smugface. Martians could kick your ass with one finger.

[irken_elite]

Please. I went to Mars once. Nothing but rocks and stupid pyramids.

And the rockets they destroyed their society to install into the planet.

[shes-traught.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's total bullshit.

And you SUCK at pretending to be human.

[irken_elite]

Nonsense! I don't know what you are talking about!

I am a perfectly normal human maggot just living my normal human maggot life like a regular human maggot child.

YOU SEE NOTHING!

[shes-traught.livejournal.com]

Yeah right. I've seen gorillas more convincingly human than you.

[misery-chic.livejournal.com]

Oh, brother.

[irken_elite]

What is this? You have no doubt beheld my INTENSE GLORY and are stunned into silence, yes?

[misery-chic.livejournal.com]

Intense stupidity, you mean.

[irken_elite]

YOU DARE TO INSULT THE INTELLIGENCE OF ME? OF ZIIM!?

PATHETIC WORM! You know not of the LIES of which you speak! You should be so lucky that I have not yet unleashed THE FULL POWER of my massive and superior intellect and crushed you between the boot which you maggots are not even worthy TO LICK!

[misery-chic.livejournal.com]

You're right. I'm really asking for it. You should just put me out of my misery now. Why wait?

[irken_elite]

At least you have accepted your inevitable fate. Be gone with you. I shall show you mercy on this day. There is MUCH TO DO! So very much. But rest assured that when your inevitable doom falls upon your filthy head that it shall be swift and decisive.

Be gone with you, I have no time for peons.

[misery-chic.livejournal.com]

Do you even listen to yourself?

[irken_elite]

Frequently.

[misery-chic.livejournal.com]

I guess that explains the brain damage, then.

[irken_elite]

INSOLENT FOOL! There is nothing wrong with my perfect brain! It is yours which must be analyzed!

[misery-chic.livejournal.com]

Sorry, we have a limit of one analysis every three years. This billing period's analysis has already been used.

[tykebombing.livejournal.com]

[oops meet someone else who's easily excitable and has similar problems with volume control.]

Ehehe, it's a game!! You gotta play it right.

[irken_elite]

A game, you say?

Hm.. Yes. Yes. ZIM sees it now. Ingenious.

Tell me, child, what are the rules to this... game? I must learn them and WIN.

[tykebombing.livejournal.com]

MY NAME IS LUKI!! And if you wanna win the game, you gotta pretend you're make-believe and that's why you're living here now!

[irken_elite]

That all depends. Is this something that everyone here assumes about themselves? That they are works of fiction?

I see... yessss... The perfect disguise. The perfect way to blend in. It is genius.

And what are the prizes to this game? Surely a game must have prizes if won, yes?

[tykebombing.livejournal.com]

Umm, that's part of the game! You have to pretend that, it's the rules.

[tykebombing.livejournal.com]

Oooh, Luki didn't think about prizes. Usually if you win, you just win and that means you're the best!

[irken_elite]

What? What a miserable excuse for a game! ZIM needs no silly human game to tell me that I am the best! ZIM knows this already. It is the prizes which I seek.

Tell me, do they require a bunker or a silo?

[tykebombing.livejournal.com]

Um, you can have a bunker if you want! But Luki doesn't know what's a silo.

[ingenflodhest.livejournal.com]

Oh, hello little alien! I can see you very well, thank you.
Did think that you had made yourself invisible?

[irken_elite]

What? Alien? Don't be silly! There's no such thing as aliens.

Unless...

What manner of creature ARE you? You don't look like any of the other smelly earth-beasts I've seen.

[ingenflodhest.livejournal.com]

I am a moomintroll! I live in a nice place called Moomin Valley, except that I suppose I have to live here now.
Don't be scared of us, I had aliens land in my garden once - they were really very nice.

[irken_elite]

And these... aliens. What became of them? Were they vaporized by your military?

[ingenflodhest.livejournal.com]

No they were not!
That is a horrible thing to say! The inspector tried to arrest them because he thought that they were invading, but we managed to sort everything out in the end and they went home in their big round space-ship.

[squidissension]

as if human vvermin wwerent bad enough
noww the legitimate pests rear their fuckin ovversized heads

[irken_elite]

Private to ERIDAN...

HEY. Get your own species to destroy! Who are you? Are you Vortian? Didn't we enslave all of you?

[squidissension]

as fuckin blind as it is stupid
no imbecile im a troll obvviously from the superior planet alternia
if anyones bein enslavved its clearly you

[irken_elite]

What do you mean by this Alternia? What foolishness do you speak? There are nothing but LIES that spew from your putrid noise hole!

NO ONE dares to threaten the mighty Irken Armada!

[squidissension]

first a all wwe talk through fuckin vvocal chords
learn some anatomy
and secondly its your fuckin problem if you dont knoww alternia or the levvel a infraction youre comittin just speakin to your betters in that shitstain tone
finally you and wwhat glubbin armada i dont see shit

[irken_elite]

Of course you don't see the armada. That's their genius! You never see them until it's too late for you.

How dare you speak to your Irken master in this manner! SMELLY VORTIAN SCUM. We should have eradicated you ALL in the organic sweep! Heh. Invader Larb hasn't been doing his job.

[squidissension]

deaf too
i cant fathom howw less surprised i could possibly be by your stupidity in all areas of sensory perception
you wwould be so lucky to speak to a vvortian
im sure evven their fuckin race wwould be much more forgivvin to a spineless embryonic savvage than i feel right noww

[irken_elite]

We do too have spines? Mighty spines! Mighty spines whose strength is only rivaled the strength of our military prowess!

Consider yourself among the blessed today, for my qualm is with the earth-monkeys and not with your people, though I'm sure in time they will also fall under the shadow of the mighty Irken empire.

[squidissension]

her imperial condescensions reach is evvidently far wwider than anythin your paltry wwhatevver army has wwraught considerin ivve nevver evven heard a you fucks

[irken_elite]

And ZIM has never heard of your pathetic planet either. But rest assured that the name of the Irken military will someday strike fear into your inferior black heart.

[squidissension]

unlikely