THIS SURE IS FUCKING SOMETHING

[ihateyouetc]

OK, THIS ISN'T MY FIRST CONTRETEMPS WITH THE CULMINATION OF CATASTROPHIC AND CEASELESS FUCK-UPS THAT COMPRISE ALPHA-ME'S MISERABLE CONTINUED EXISTENCE ON A PHYSICAL LEVEL THAT ISN'T LOST IN THE FURTHEST RING, SWIMMING SOMEWHERE IN THE DREAMS OF ELDRITCH ABOMINATIONS
AND IT PROBABLY WON'T BE MY LAST, BUT THAT SAID
WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?
I'VE BEEN CONDUCTING SOME RESEARCH
WHAT I'VE FOUND ISN'T PROMISING
I MEAN, THIS COMPUTER IS OK
IT'S NOT AS BAD AS SOME OTHERS I'VE SEEN
BUT ANYTHING ELSE IS PRETTY MUCH SHIT.
THIS IS THE MOST LACKLUSTER EXCUSE FOR ANYTHING APPROXIMATING A "LIFE" I'VE EVER ENCOUNTERED
SO WHENEVER HE GETS BACK HERE
I'M GOING TO BE A GENEROUS GUY AND GO OUT OF MY WAY TO POINT OUT HIS INCREDIBLE FUCK-UPS.

EXHIBIT 1



OUT OF ALL THE MISTAKES, THIS ONE MIGHT BE THE MOST IMPRESSIVE YET.
WHAT THE FUCK?
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
ALPHA-ME, YOU'RE ASSOCIATING WITH SOMEONE WHO USES PAPYRUS.
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN?

EXHIBITS 2 - 4







EXHIBITS 5 - 8







WOW, NO ONE WILL EVER TAKE THAT IMAGE!

EXHIBITS 9 - 10







EXHIBIT 11



DUDE, NO.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WATCHED A MOVIE THAT WAS AS BIG OF A PIECE OF SHIT AS THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE IT IS.
AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR 12TH PERIGEE'S EVE COME EARLY!
I'M LIKE THE BIG RED VACATION ASSHOLE UP IN HERE.
STEP OUT OF THE MOTHERFUCKING WAY, IT'S KARKAT SANTAS.



OH A MYSTERIOUS FOLDER TITLED "FJDKFSDJKFLSDKLFJSDF" AFTER YOU CLICK THROUGH A FOLDER CALLED "DONT CLICK THIS" AND THEN A FOLDER CALLED "SERIOUSLY DONT CLICK THIS" AND THEN ONE CALLED "FUCK YOU WHY ARE YOU CLICKING THIS" THEN YOU GET TO CHOOSE BETWEEN "FUCK" AND "NO."
"FJDKFSDJKFLSDKLFJSDF" WAS IN THE "NO" FOLDER BY THE WAY.
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE IN IT?



WOW! LET'S GET A SAMPLE OF THESE STERLING MESSAGES ON THIS OUTDATED COMPUTER THAT SOMEHOW RUNS SHOCKINGLY WELL, WHICH GIVES ME THE IMPRESSION YOU SOMEHOW GOT SOLLUX TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU WHEN YOU'RE A TREMENDOUS JACKASS WHO DOES NOTHING BUT WASTE A LOT OF FUCKING SPACE.

OK, ON TO THE SAMPLES!

FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME WRITE THIS
FUCKING KILL ME
GET TO THE FUCKING POINT
FDGJHGFKSD
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
I FUCKING QUIT
NNNGH
UGH
OH GOD
AUGH
JOHN
FUCK YOU
GJHKLFJSDF

THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REMARKABLE "FRIENDSHIP"!
OH BY GOLLY, THIS IS ALL WATER BENEATH THE "FRIENDSHIP SUSPENSION"
CONGRATUFUCKINGLATIONS, ALPHA KARKAT VANTAS
YOU ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO US ALL.
I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE THIS GUY DIDN'T DIE
HE'S NOT EVEN GOD TIER
HOW IN THE FUCK IS THIS GUY EVEN STILL ALIVE?
I MEAN
I GUESS ALL THE ARADIAS WANDERING AROUND EXPLAIN THAT
I THINK THERE ARE MORE ARADIAS THAN ANYBODY ELSE
I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER SEEN MORE ROBOTS IN ONE PLACE
EXCEPT LIKE IN EQUIUS'S CREEPY FUCKING DEATH CAGE
YEAH, I WANDERED INTO ONE OF THOSE
SERIOUSLY, FUCK THAT FUCKING BUBBLE
I COULDN'T GET OUT OF THAT ONE FAST ENOUGH
HOLY SHIT.
ANYWAY
IN CONCLUSION:

Comments

[ihateyouetc]

THANKS. I GUESS I'LL SEE IF THERE'S ANY SHIT HERE TO DRINK OR SOMETHING
AND I'M FUCKING SERIOUS
NONE OF THIS TALKING ABOUT MY FEELINGS SHIT
IF YOU HAVE STUFF TO TALK ABOUT THEN YOU CAN SPILL IT
BUT SERIOUSLY THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON.

[squidissension]

wwhale not much is different wwith me considerin
so i dont mind just listenin to you

[ihateyouetc]

OH MY GOD
THERE'S NOTHING DIFFERENT WITH ME EITHER
IT'S JUST THE SAME SHIT AS ALWAYS
EXCEPT THIS BUBBLE KIND OF FEELS REAL THIS TIME?
I MEAN, WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF BEING DEAD USUALLY IT JUST TURNS INTO SOMETHING STUPID
OR PREDICTABLE
SO OTHER THAN THAT
IF YOU'RE JUST GOING TO FIND ME TO TRY TO GET ME TO "GLUB" ABOUT ALL THIS WEIRD SHIT
THEN
I GUESS
JUST FUCKING DROP IT
BUT COME OVER ANYWAY???
THIS GUY HAS SOME PRETTY DECENT MOVIES EVEN IF HE IS SHITTY.

[squidissension]

like i could force you to do any shit you didnt wwant to
movvies sound good to me
like i said wwe dont havve to talk so wwhy the fuck are you pursuin it

[ihateyouetc]

I JUST WANTED TO MAKE MYSELF PERFECTLY CLEAR, OK??
SO FUCKING CLEAR IT'S LIKE AIR
OR LIKE REALLY CLEAR WATER I GUESS DEPENDING ON THE CIRCUMSTANCE FOR YOU
ANYWAY SINCE IT'S NOT AN ISSUE AND NEITHER OF US ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT
WE CAN JUST WATCH THESE WHILE WE WAIT FOR WHATEVER THE FUCK IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO HAPPEN.
SERIOUSLY, WHAT'S UP WITH THIS?
THIS DREAM BUBBLE IS PRETTY FUCKED UP.

[squidissension]

oh shit kar
sorry but
you still believve that

[ihateyouetc]

I DON'T FUCKING BUY IT AS ANYTHING ELSE.
IT'S LIKE I SAID TO FEFERI
ONCE YOU'RE DEAD, YOU DON'T JUST COME BACK UNLESS YOU'RE A RAINBOW DRINKER OR SOMETHING
AND I HAVE A FEELING NONE OF US ARE ONE OF THOSE
I HAVEN'T SEEN TEREZI BUT I'M PRETTY SURE I'D AGREE WITH THE SHIT SHE SAYS:
THE WHOLE THING JUST FUCKING REEKS OF DECEIT.

[reanimated]

Oh for fuck's sake BLANKET RULE! DO NOT SHAG YOUR WEIRD FRIENDS IN OUR FLAT

[ihateyouetc]

OH FUCK YOU
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS
BUT WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU'RE IMPLYING
JUST FUCK YOU
I'LL DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT IN THIS "FLAT"
YOU'RE NOT MY FUCKING LUSUS

[reanimated]

Fuck you, mate. I'll just rewrite the rules from last time and leave them on the door cos clearly you're still mentally deficient.