THIS SURE IS FUCKING SOMETHING

[ihateyouetc]

OK, THIS ISN'T MY FIRST CONTRETEMPS WITH THE CULMINATION OF CATASTROPHIC AND CEASELESS FUCK-UPS THAT COMPRISE ALPHA-ME'S MISERABLE CONTINUED EXISTENCE ON A PHYSICAL LEVEL THAT ISN'T LOST IN THE FURTHEST RING, SWIMMING SOMEWHERE IN THE DREAMS OF ELDRITCH ABOMINATIONS
AND IT PROBABLY WON'T BE MY LAST, BUT THAT SAID
WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?
I'VE BEEN CONDUCTING SOME RESEARCH
WHAT I'VE FOUND ISN'T PROMISING
I MEAN, THIS COMPUTER IS OK
IT'S NOT AS BAD AS SOME OTHERS I'VE SEEN
BUT ANYTHING ELSE IS PRETTY MUCH SHIT.
THIS IS THE MOST LACKLUSTER EXCUSE FOR ANYTHING APPROXIMATING A "LIFE" I'VE EVER ENCOUNTERED
SO WHENEVER HE GETS BACK HERE
I'M GOING TO BE A GENEROUS GUY AND GO OUT OF MY WAY TO POINT OUT HIS INCREDIBLE FUCK-UPS.

EXHIBIT 1



OUT OF ALL THE MISTAKES, THIS ONE MIGHT BE THE MOST IMPRESSIVE YET.
WHAT THE FUCK?
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
ALPHA-ME, YOU'RE ASSOCIATING WITH SOMEONE WHO USES PAPYRUS.
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN?

EXHIBITS 2 - 4







EXHIBITS 5 - 8







WOW, NO ONE WILL EVER TAKE THAT IMAGE!

EXHIBITS 9 - 10







EXHIBIT 11



DUDE, NO.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WATCHED A MOVIE THAT WAS AS BIG OF A PIECE OF SHIT AS THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE IT IS.
AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR 12TH PERIGEE'S EVE COME EARLY!
I'M LIKE THE BIG RED VACATION ASSHOLE UP IN HERE.
STEP OUT OF THE MOTHERFUCKING WAY, IT'S KARKAT SANTAS.



OH A MYSTERIOUS FOLDER TITLED "FJDKFSDJKFLSDKLFJSDF" AFTER YOU CLICK THROUGH A FOLDER CALLED "DONT CLICK THIS" AND THEN A FOLDER CALLED "SERIOUSLY DONT CLICK THIS" AND THEN ONE CALLED "FUCK YOU WHY ARE YOU CLICKING THIS" THEN YOU GET TO CHOOSE BETWEEN "FUCK" AND "NO."
"FJDKFSDJKFLSDKLFJSDF" WAS IN THE "NO" FOLDER BY THE WAY.
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE IN IT?



WOW! LET'S GET A SAMPLE OF THESE STERLING MESSAGES ON THIS OUTDATED COMPUTER THAT SOMEHOW RUNS SHOCKINGLY WELL, WHICH GIVES ME THE IMPRESSION YOU SOMEHOW GOT SOLLUX TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU WHEN YOU'RE A TREMENDOUS JACKASS WHO DOES NOTHING BUT WASTE A LOT OF FUCKING SPACE.

OK, ON TO THE SAMPLES!

FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME WRITE THIS
FUCKING KILL ME
GET TO THE FUCKING POINT
FDGJHGFKSD
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
I FUCKING QUIT
NNNGH
UGH
OH GOD
AUGH
JOHN
FUCK YOU
GJHKLFJSDF

THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REMARKABLE "FRIENDSHIP"!
OH BY GOLLY, THIS IS ALL WATER BENEATH THE "FRIENDSHIP SUSPENSION"
CONGRATUFUCKINGLATIONS, ALPHA KARKAT VANTAS
YOU ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO US ALL.
I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE THIS GUY DIDN'T DIE
HE'S NOT EVEN GOD TIER
HOW IN THE FUCK IS THIS GUY EVEN STILL ALIVE?
I MEAN
I GUESS ALL THE ARADIAS WANDERING AROUND EXPLAIN THAT
I THINK THERE ARE MORE ARADIAS THAN ANYBODY ELSE
I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER SEEN MORE ROBOTS IN ONE PLACE
EXCEPT LIKE IN EQUIUS'S CREEPY FUCKING DEATH CAGE
YEAH, I WANDERED INTO ONE OF THOSE
SERIOUSLY, FUCK THAT FUCKING BUBBLE
I COULDN'T GET OUT OF THAT ONE FAST ENOUGH
HOLY SHIT.
ANYWAY
IN CONCLUSION:

Comments

[riseup]

holy shit, what.

[ihateyouetc]

NO FUCKING SHIT
GOOD THING I'M ALREADY DEAD
OR I MIGHT KILL MYSELF TO SPARE ME THE SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT.

[riseup]

CG?

[ihateyouetc]

IT FIGURES YOU'D BE THE FIRST FUCKING ONE TO SEE THIS ABOMINATION.
GT OR EB?

[riseup]

uh.
if it helps, i have no idea what the hell is going on.
EB.

[retroversion]

ahahahahahaahahha
what you cant stop there
i was just getting comfy
havent even touched my popcorn yet

[ihateyouetc]

[ihateyouetc]

[ihateyouetc]

[ihateyouetc]

[retroversion]

no way dude
its fucking art right here

[ihateyouetc]

THE BUDS ON YOUR TASTEMUSCLE MUST BE PARTICULARLY REFINED!
SINCE THIS IS THE CASE, YOU MAY ENJOY OTHER WORKS OF "ART" CREATED BY MY ALTERNATE SELF
SUCH AS:







ALL INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY BELONGS TO THE KARKAT VANTAS WHO OWNS THIS FUCKING COMPUTER
WHO I IMAGINE MUST BE FLOPPING ALL THE FUCK OVER AS WE SPEAK AS IF TAKEN BY A SEIZURE OF UNADULTERATED GENIUS.

[retroversion]

ahahahahahahaha
christ
and man my tastebuds are refined like whoa
make all the other kids feel bad
they slink off to sit at their desks with their faces down because they cant even stand to look
cant even compare

[reanimated]

Shit.

[reanimated]

HOW IS IT YOU STILL NEVER SHUT THE FUCK UP

[ihateyouetc]

WAIT
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU

[reanimated]

I'm your flatmate, twat. I guess I just didn't expect you to still be around.

[reanimated]

You're really dead?

[splashes]

Glub glub glub glub glub Karkrabcakes!!!
Carping up a storm as usual, I see.

[ihateyouetc]

HEY.
SORRY, BUT I'M GOING TO ASK THIS FIRST SO I DON'T SPEND A LOT OF TIME TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
I KNOW YOU'RE FEFERI BUT
WHICH ONE?

[splashes]

)(e)(e)(, t)(ank you for being straig)(tforward t)(is time. 38P
I ac)(ieved god tier in my timeline!
O)(! Rig)(t, I also )(ave -Eridan )(ere wit)( me too.

[ihateyouetc]

IT GETS OLD GOING THROUGH THE SAME SHIT EVERY TIME.
I GUESS I'M JUST FINALLY SICK OF IT.

[ihateyouetc]

YEAH? ME TOO.
WE ALL DID.
AND THEN WE ALL DIED. WHAT A FUCKING SHOCKER.
EXCEPT IT ACTUALLY WAS.
WE DID EVERYTHING RIGHT, BUT...

[ihateyouetc]

GOD TIER ERIDAN OR THE ONE WHO'S REALLY EXTRA FUCKING DOUCHEY?
IT'S LIKE THE DOUCHE IS PROPORTIONATE TO THE AMOUNT HE ISN'T GOD TIER.
HAVE YOU RUN INTO THAT GUY?
HE JUST DOESN'T FUCKING STOP KILLING ANGELS.

[sunflowersister]

Sweetheart maybe you ought to have some tea and go lay down.