(no subject)

[thneed]

You know what day it is? If you don't I'm very very very very disappointed in you because its for the most important people ever.

Ehem! SO! If you're a mom ...or some paradox-alternate-not-really-a-mom-but-technically-genetically-a-mom mom OR a fantastic mother figure like Miss Ukraine then you get a free thneed and also the cupcake pictured below! From me to you for being pretty darn great.

Comments

[uneulogized]

Took someone long enough.

[thneed]

I would've did it earlier but my mother's day song wasn't coming out right and I had to scrap the idea.

[geminated_man]

How much does one of them cupcakes cost?

[thneed]

A dollar.

[tookthename]

What's a thneed?

oh no why did you ask 1/??

[thneed]

WELLLLLL...

[uneulogized]

You should give us your work in progress.

i hope you like infomercials

[thneed]

Take a nice seat and I'll inform you what it is! It's this ~enchanting new product~!

[ switch to video, grab this pink thing-- annnnd knocks over an entire stack of plates to clear counter space. BEEP BEEP time for the thneed.]

This beautiful thing is a fine something that EVERYONE needs! And I mean everyone! It's got a million uses!

[geminated_man]

That's it? Fuck. I'll take a half dozen. D'you do deliveries, too?

[thneed]

[ grabs his assistant, Mr.Peaches the tiny bunny, and sticks him on the counter, wrapping him in it and switching how it's wrapped to fit what he lists. does this thing magically change shapes? yes. seuss logic just go with it. ] Can't find anything to wear to that upcoming dance? Well worry know more! Because a thneed can be a fabulous ball gown! Or a suit! Or a hat! Or an pair of designer pumps! Or maybe you want heroic cape! Or a gym bag! It'll be just what you need and is sure to add a great touch to any look.

[thneed]

[ yanks it off and squeezes out an entire thing of chocolate syrup on the counter and the bunny ]

OH NO! What a disgusting mess! Mud everywhere? Kitchen disaster? Blood everywhere? I sure hope not but hypothetically speaking this'll work on that too- Well the thneed sure comes in handy for that! Wooopy boop boop~ [ wipes the thneed across the counter then rubs it on the bunny ~*SPARKLE SPARKLE~~*] It'll clean up any mess no matter how big! No more nasty spills or stains for you or improbably awful messes for you, ma'am!

[thneed]

It's all natural microfibers which are great for cleaning also make it suuuuuper absorbent! [ dumps a pitcher of water over it and it soaks it all up ]

Wowza!

[thneed]

But wait! There's more!

[thneed]

The need also functions as a dodgeball, a butterfly net, a people net, a basketball net, a bodybag (not intended for recommended use), a sleeping bag, a reusable diaper, an exercise belt, a conveyor belt, a runny nose wiper, a slingshot, a hair dryer, a decorative bow, a tightrope, a jump rope, a mousepad, a mouse trap, a colorful cat sweater, an scuba suit, a carpet, drapes, a pillow, sheets, a bicycle seat, a swimsuit, a monkey suit, a tea cozy, a wi-fi hot spot, earmuffs, oven mitts, a draw-string bridge, a bird house, fancy blouse, a car seat, a movie projector, a pair of socks, underpants, it puts out campfires, it wards of vampires, a pool floatie, balloon, it's bullet-proof.... AND MOOORE~

/done.

[thneed]

It's reversible and versatile and washable and responsible!
Don't need a large, medium, or small because it's uniquely designed for a true one-size-fits-all!
To the touch this wonderful thing is softer than silk!
And it smells sweeter than butterfly milk!
And it comes in 84 colors which all look great!
And it can be yours for just 3.98!
OR if you're a mom,
You can get one for free all day long~!

And that's a thneed.

[tookthename]

...does it come with an instruction manual for all that?

[thneed]

No no.. It has to be just right. Mom's don't get anything less than 110%

[thneed]

As a matter of fact, I do deliver!

Plus delivery would be a total of 7.38

[thneed]

...

No.

[tookthename]

Do you think maybe it should?

[geminated_man]

Ace. Um, if you could have them delivered to Miss Ukraine's place? I'd really appreciate it. Every mum deserves a little somethin for mother's day, yeah?

[thneed]

I guess.

[thneed]

Gladly! Consider it done. I couldn't agree more.

[tookthename]

Think maybe you should get on that before unleashing any more thneeds on the unsuspecting public?

[thneed]

You make it sound dangerous when you say it like that. It's really not. It's really soft and cuddly and doesn't have any small parts of children to suffocate on.