thoughtformed | [video]

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[video]

[It's Sirius Black, on video, apparently in a good mood. That can't be good.]

I'm interrupting everyone's busy schedule of catching mice and grooming for a very important announcement: It's Harry's birthday tomorrow! Happy Birthday, Harry!

[A wizard with a wand and some fre time on his hands can do a lot of real life sparkles.]

So, I'm not sure how comfortable you are with making this all public, but let's be honest, birthdays are always partly an excuse to publicly embarrass the birthday boy. At least I'm not singing. Yet. I will in a few hours, when it's your actual birthday, I'm just starting early, because you never know what this island will be up to next.

I did however already get you a present and I think I finally managed to work out most of the kinks.

[With that he moves the device to show the gift he made for him.]

I've been working on it for a while now and chances are this one won't break free and evade capture for months on end. Probably. Anyway, I'd like to celebrate. If you don't mind. There's a lot of catching up to do and I have some things to show you.

Everyone else, you should celebrate tomorrow too! It's a great day.

[Private to Sheska and Once-ler]

I need birthday food for a teenage boy and I thought, hey, I know two people very likely to be willing and able to help me out. Against payment of course, Once-ler. Maybe you two could work on it together? [nudge nudge wink wink]

[ooc: Sorry for spamming the comm, but it's HARRY POTTER'S BIRTHDAY, damn it. Also, the image isn't quite right, but you try finding a flying broom that's not a replica of a Harry Potter movie prop.]

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[The thing is, Sirius doesn't want to tell her of his present, of his future. He doesn't even want to tell her of his past. He doesn't want to see the concern in her eyes as he described Azkaban, doesn't want her to, when one day he leaves, know that this is what he's returning to.

But he knows she cares and he doesn't want to disregard that, either.]

Come by the shop, Sheska, and I can show you some things.

[Blink blink. Hesitate.]

...Are you sure? It's your choice, you know. I don't want to force you into anything.

Trust me, love, you can't force me into anything.

But come by, will you?

Of course. [It's immediate. No hesitation anymore. Just simply stated and sincere.] Whatever you need. I'll be there as soon as I can. Should I pick anything up for you on the way?

No, love, I'm all set. Just come when you're free.

[Sheska arranged to take off a few hours early that afternoon. A call from her friend was not something to dither over, but something to be acted upon. Even if she did sort of bully him into it. She ducked into the shop and made her way through the rows of bright distractions to the front counter.]

Sirius?

I'm upstairs, Sheska. You can come up, I took down the wards against you before.

[And he's standing in the familiar chaos of his work and, most days, living space, taking the Pensieve out of the closet to carefully set it down on the table.]

[There had been wards? She hadn't realized... The upper room was of course, quite familiar. She'd spent the better part of a week here, unable to do much for herself and imposing on him terribly while she recovered from that illness earlier this year. There were all sorts of new experiments and things set up since the last time she was year - a lot of potion things, if she was looking at it right. But she hadn't ever seen him bring out that silver basin.

Watching her footing so that she didn't step on anything she shouldn't, she cautiously made her way over to the table, keeping her hands to herself. She'd hate to upset something. As it was, she was afraid she'd upset him over this. Drawing a steadying breath, she stops just out of reach of the basin.]

If you don't want to do this, Sirius, you know that you don't have to. You never have to explain anything if you don't want to.

I know, Sheska. I never in my life did anything but what I wanted to do, until I had no choice left.

[He holds a hand out to Sheska while he sits down by the table himself, tearing his eyes off the silvery liquid to look at her.]

This is a Pensieve. It's a way for a wizard or witch to store memories, to revisit them. Remus left some, before he was released.

[His somber mood sets off little alarm bells, even as she takes his hand and sits with him. She's been so used to seeing him cheery, or at least a little mischievous recently that it feels like a somewhat abrupt backslide into the depression that so haunted him. It probably hasn't actually been all that long, but this goes bone-deep, and she has no idea how to fix it.

The liquid - what was it? It wasn't quicksilver, and it didn't move like water - is mesmerizing, and she finds herself watching it soberly.]

Memories? How...?

It's not that complicated. You just have to keep the memory in mind and then, with a wand, kind of pull it out. It helps when you want to review a situation, see if you missed any details.

I'd show you, but my memories might not... Well, not be quite right.

[He smiles and gives her hand a slight squeeze.]

But if you'd like, I can show you some of what Remus remembered.

[Her fingers tighten around his in return, and she tears her eyes away from the fascinating shimmer to look at him.]

...Is that all right? I mean, it seems awfully intimate somehow. And he hasn't exactly given me permission.

Yeah, no, it's fine. He did it for me. And they're not all that...

It's just, it's better to see than have me talk about it. Mostly because I'm terrible at talking about it these days.

[He shrugs and offers her a smile.]

Are you ready? You can see and hear people, but they can't see or hear us. It will be just a memory, we can watch, but not interact.

Well... If you think it will be all right. How do you do this, then?

[Would it be images in the air? On the liquid's surface? Would they walk into a mist? She has no idea what to do, but she trusts he'll lead her through it all right.]

Just... close your eyes, love. You're not used to magic, that should be easier on you.

[He waits for her to follow the instruction and then he says nothing for a while, until he wraps his arms around her from behind and whispers.]

Open your eyes. Here we are.

[It's the Gryffindor dorm room, it's the room Sirius sees as his home more than anything else. Remus, much younger than he was when he was last in New Moore, is sitting on his bed, reading, while on another bed James very animatedly explains the tactic for a Quidditch game they'd already won to Peter, who listens with a rapt expression.

Sirius is sitting by the window, looking about as handsome as bored.]

That's me.

[Clearly that has to be pointed out.]

About...nine years ago? Maybe.

[Sheska doesn't hesitate, doing as he asks, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't gasp when he embraces her. She can't suppress the strangely pleasant shiver that runs down her spine, or the soft noise of surprise at the complete change of scenery. Her hands creep up to perch tentatively on his arms, needing a link to the familiar. Four boys - that one was most certainly Mr. Lupin, and Sirius was unmistakable. The other two she doesn't know. Where could they be that there were such beautiful four-poster beds, and round walls.... A tower? It reminds her of a castle, or the descriptions she's read of castles, in a sort of cheerfully disorganized, casual luxury that she could only dream of.

She kept her voice low, wonder suffusing her tone as she looked around trying to take in everything at once.]

Where... Where are we?

Hogwarts. My school. This is the room we slept in.

[He points at James, his other arm still firmly around her.]

That's James. James Potter. He was my best friend. Like a brother. Fuck. [He laughs and shakes his head.] More like a brother than my real brother ever was.

[She blinks in surprise and tips her head to look back up at him briefly. He had a brother? ...A question for another time, by the sound of it.]

He's Harry's father, then?

Yeah. Yeah, it is. Looks just like him, right? Except for the eyes... [He trails for a moment, then shakes his head.]

But not for years now. Oh, wait. Time for me to be a brat.

[By that he means his younger self, suddenly jumping up and throwing a balled up piece of paper at James' head, only the other boy catches it before it can hit.]

What's up, Padfoot?

[Apparently something that causes him to smile, wide and mischievous and without the edge of darkness that never quite leaves these days.]

I have an idea.

[It's all very surreal. Every time he speaks, she expects one of the boys to look up and shout, but they don't seem to hear him - or see them. Very odd indeed, a feeling only made worse by the uncanny resemblance Sirius had pointed out. And-- Oh.

That was what he looked like when he was truly happy.

Her breath caught and held as she watched, hardly paying attention to what he's saying. That. That is what she has wanted for him. To see him happy and untouched by the pain and sorrow that later years would bring.]

[As soon as Sirius, the young version, has announced having an idea, all the other boys had shifted their attention to him, even Remus had laid his book aside. Aware of the attention, the young boy slowly walks over to his friends, taking the Marauder's Map out of its hiding place.]

I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good.

[With Sheska in his arms, Sirius had spoken the words at the same time as his younger counterpart, feeling as if he'd been stabbed in the heart.]

I'm just going to talk about recolouring the house colours for Slytherin, it's not that exciting. We can go.

[The words don't mean anything to her, but they clearly do to him. The resonance between the two voices is eerie and she suppresses a very different sort of shiver. Sheska leans back against her friend minutely, offering her support as much as taking his.

This whole experience had spawned more questions than it answered, and she would have liked to keep watching and listening, learning more and, to a far lesser extent, exploring Sirius' world through these boys. But the longer they stayed, the more it seemed to hurt him, and that was the last thing she wanted. So she nodded, and murmured quietly,]

Should I close my eyes again?

No, it's alright. Look.

[The room around them vanishes, the boys fade, and instead they find themselves back above the store again, far from Hogwarts and far from those years.

Sirius lets go of Sheska slowly, swallowing thickly before shaking his head. Damn.]

Do you have any questions, love?

[That was disorienting, and a little stomach-turning, really, but the only sign that she was at all alarmed was a brief tightening of her fingers around his forearm. But then the shop came back into view and with great reluctance she lets him pull away. Immediately she turns toward him, searching his face for... something. What she finds there tangles all her questions into a hard lump in her throat. Mute, she holds out her arms, asking for the hug that he seems to need more than she does, but he'll be too stubbornly stoic to request.]

[~~How is he supposed to get anything done when you won't let him be macho?~~

Sirius stares at her for a moment, but then just hugs her as she seems to be wanting, although he is just a little confused where that came from. He runs hi fingers through her hair and smiles slightly.]

Not a question, that.

[video]

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