(no subject)

[geminated_man]

Okay, so, no one told me that getting a flatmate was going to spur some kind of... weird homoerotic marriage situation. Is that sort of thing even legal here? I mean, not that I'm here to judge or anything, but I'm not gay, and it would be really, really nice if the people at the town hall or whatever would believe that. Even if I were, is big ears and big nose really on my tier? Please.

And besides, I'm not really the marriage type, yeah? Better off coasting through from one strange woman's bed to the next.

Comments

[alwaysimpure]

You're just the classiest wanker I've ever seen.

[geminated_man]

The fuck is your problem?

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[alwaysimpure]

Still Sheska. Think before speaking, will you?

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[geminated_man]

Still failing to see the problem, mate.

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[alwaysimpure]

I can never quite decide whether you're just thick, an arse or both.

You said you like her. How about not saying shit that's bound to hurt her?

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[geminated_man]

Well how am I supposed to know what's going to upset her? I haven't said anything offencive.

What, do you expect me to never talk about having sex again because it might upset her? Are you serious?

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[alwaysimpure]

Is the concept of a sweet girl wanting her first time to be special for her really that difficult to grasp for you?

[...he's Sirius.]

Talk about sex, but don't make it sound like she means nothing to you while you're at it. Is that to high an expectation?

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[geminated_man]

I never said she meant nothing, man. I just don't really hold sex in high regard. It's just sex, man, not marriage.

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[alwaysimpure]

I know. I get it. I did that during the war.

But you know she doesn't get it, so you can imagine how she'll feel hearing that.

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[geminated_man]

It's not like I make it a secret that I happen to have a very active sex life, you know? And just cos I slept with her doesn't mean I'm going to be changing that any time soon. She's gotta know that, at least.

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[alwaysimpure]

Sure. But you don't want to hurt her, right? So try explaining it to her a bit slower and without making her sound like just another strange woman. No one's expecting you to settle down with her.

Speaking of, who's your roommate? Husband.

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[geminated_man]

Isn't she, though?

Dunno. Don't see him much. Some Northern bloke who has not much hair, big ears and nose.

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[alwaysimpure]

Don't think you actually believe that.

Huh. What's his name?

[easy_a]

Wot, you're not even going to make sure your next shag looks clean?

[Yeah, nothing out of Rudy's mouth is surprising, no matter how tactless it is.]

[geminated_man]

How many times do I have to say that cute girls don't get STDs?

[easy_a]

Wot if I told you I had an STD once? Wot then?

[geminated_man]

I'd say you were lying.

[easy_a]

I'm not. Only once, though, ironically back when we were in college. Then I stared carrying condoms in my purse and the problem fixed itself.

Wasn't my proudest moment.

[geminated_man]

Well there you go. Once again, condoms are the solution. A fucking terrible solution, but a solution nevertheless.

Say, are you at all married to your attractive flatmate?

[easy_a]

Oh come on, the only thing condoms hinder is a bloke's ability to knock up or infect some poor slag. They make thin ones too; you have no excuse for not liking them.

You mean the same girl I'm now technically cheating on? Yeah, I am. This marriage thing is bullshit, isn't it?

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[librariansheart]

[Someone's doing her best to hide the hurt and disappointment over here, but she's not actually very good at that sort of thing.]

Well they, um, they should be allowing people to file for divorce in a few days, if this is similar to the paperwork mixup they had a while ago, so... You needn't worry too much, really.

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[geminated_man]

Wait, so this bullshit's happened before and no one thought it'd be a nice gesture to warn people? For Christ's sake... I'd have found a place to stay on my own.

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[librariansheart]

I-I'm sorry, it... it was so absurd last time th-that I'm guessing no one thought th-that it would come up again.

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[geminated_man]

Now, what're you soundin' so nervous for, love? Not like I'm blamin' you for all this. No way you coulda known, eh?

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[librariansheart]

Ah, w-well... I did read back through the records of previous things that have happened once. I can, um, I can remember them. I just didn't think to warn people...

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[geminated_man]

Yeah, but really you couldn't have known it'd happen again, right? I mean, you'd think one colossal government fuckup would be enough for a lifetime, and it should be, and suppose maybe they'd learn their lesson, right? Not your fault.

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[librariansheart]

But you just said-- Ah... N-never mind. I suppose there isn't anything to be done about it now. I don't think it lasted longer than a week last time... Um... Wh-who did you wind up married to?

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[geminated_man]

Forget what I said. It's bollocks.

Got married to me flatmate. Don't know his name. Walks about callin' himself "the doctor". What kind of nonsense is that, really?

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[librariansheart]

Er... [Pause... Let her run through her mental dictionary... Nnnnope. Not something they say at home. Though there is one that sounds close.] It's... cows?

Oh! The Doctor! He's really nice, even if he is a bit wild. He's an alien, you know. Two hearts and everything. His TARDIS is a time machine spaceship!