text;

[veryproud]

Alright. The school year started again. God help us all. Hello, returning and new students. I'm Phil Coulson, the guidance counselor.

Here are some things to keep in mind for those attending or insisting they're not going to attend but are still on the class rosters. (Protip: You are attending, if not just for that fact that if you don't we're technically allowed to revoke your monthly stipends. Have fun thinking about that.)

- There is a uniform. I'm aware most of you won't bother putting it on, regardless of the detention that follows. At least make sure whatever you're breaking the rules with is appropriate.
appropriate: jeans + t-shirt + actual shoes ☑
inappropriate: leopard printed thong bikini + whatever Mister Makara had on his feet that week in March ☒
- Please follow proper hygiene. Bathe, wash your hands after using the restroom, etc. If someone offers you gum in class, take it. You're not supposed to chew gum but if someone's offering you some of their precious gum without you asking for a piece then your breath is probably pretty rancid and they're trying to solve this problem. Take the gum.

- That cafeteria food is edible. I don't eat it but I was told to say it was edible.

- There are extracurricular activities and sports teams. I'd recommend getting involved with one. They can be fun, help you socialize, can lead to actually exercising, and let you use "I have to help with that club thing" as an excuse to get out of unwanted situations.

- Do not get behind on your work. Do it on time. Prepare for your class presentations. Getting behind on work (or not doing it at all) can lead to stress, poorly written assignments your professors really don't want to have to read, embarrassment, lowered grades, and gingivitis. Doing papers at 1AM is ill-advised unless you are an incredibly skilled writer or nocturnal.

- Have your own school supplies. Borrowing pens can ruin friendships and lives.

- Nobody likes bullies.

- Accidentally calling your teacher 'Mom' or 'Dad' isn't the end of the world.

- Go to bed earlier during weekdays so you are refreshed in the morning and try not to skip meals. If your energy depletes and you fall asleep in class, someone will tie your shoes together and draw human dicks on your face.

- Guidance hours are Mondays thru Fridays: 8:00 AM - 5:15 PM. You are free to come in at any time during those hours but I would recommend scheduling an appointment in advance. You may do so by filling in a time-slot on the calender located on my door or contacting my office directly. Either myself or Miss Rose Lalonde will pencil you in.

Comments

[notjohnsmith]

Actually, I've got an extremely low-priority appointment to make. It's more on the subject of educational reform than traditional guidance, so please feel free to have it penciled in whenever convenient, when no-one else is demanding your attention more urgently.

[veryproud]

Do you have a preference? The schedule is empty for the next five minutes because I didn't bother putting it on the door yet.

[notjohnsmith]

Ah... after lunch, maybe?

I expected to have to wait through days for a spot Eridan hadn't claimed.

[veryproud]

That works.

Mister Ampora has allotted time on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

[miniholmes]

I'm seven. I'm not worried about a stipend, and chances are I already know whatever it is they're teaching.

But, is there a soccer team I could join?

[veryproud]

Yes.
Can't join the soccer team without a class attendance.

[miniholmes]

[ Aww man. ]

But I'm too smart for elementary. I'll just fall asleep.

[veryproud]

So go to sleep. You'll still pass, right?

[razorback]

Thanks, mom. That's very helpful.

[veryproud]

You're welcome, son.

[razorback]

Mom, can we talk about my future?

[philosophicalzombie]

Why would people want to avoid school completely?

[veryproud]

No idea.

[Video]

[dontmindmepleasecontinue]

Indeed, welcome back. And may God have mercy on our souls. [He says it cheerfully, with a smile and a wink.]

Although I must say, I sympathize, having worked as the counselor for finals week last semester - though I was older at the time.

[Video]

[veryproud]

Thank you.

You poor thing.

[Video]

[dontmindmepleasecontinue]

It was only for a week. You have the greater burden, I think.

[Private Text]

[tookthename]

Gird your loins, the battle's just about to start.

[Private Text]

[veryproud]

Dun dun dun.

[Private Text]

[tookthename]

We got quite a few new students over the summer. Quite a few ones that are insisting on not going to school.

[redhourglass]

You're a guidance counselor?

[ her lips are twitching. ]

I never knew you liked kids so much.

[veryproud]

Not a word.

[redhourglass]

I wouldn't dare.

[ oh, she so would. and does. ]

It suits you.

[reallylovehats]

I have a complaint!

[veryproud]

What is the complaint?

[reallylovehats]

People keep tellin' me to take my hat off!