[text]

[onstandby]

I am saddened to see my dear roommate, Peter-kun, has left us. Even Marie Antoinette seems distressed.

All he wanted was for me to find a path in this treacherous island and to infiltrate this shady system, but I let him down!!! Do not fear, Peter-kun - I will fulfill your request, even if it's late!!!

I've never done a resume before, but surely this will suffice. I would hire me in an instant, hahaha!





Ah, it also appears I have a new roommate. I haven't talked to him yet, but he gives me a feeling much like Peter-kun's. I'm sure we will get along wonderfully.

Comments

[badtaste]

Hey. I'm Miles Morales, your new roommate. Sorry for not introducing myself earlier - I've been kind of busy with school and trying to beat the heat.

I didn't know Peter back home, but I knew his aunt and his friends. It sucks that he's gone.

1/3

[onstandby]

Miles... Morales?

[onstandby]

Your name - it's alliterative!!!!!!

[onstandby]

THIS IS FATE!!

[badtaste]

Wait, what??

[onstandby]

Isn't it obvious? Much like boys with girly names are destined to join the swimming club...

[onstandby]

So are men with alliterative names destined to become revolutionaries!!!

1/3

[badtaste]

Oh... thanks, I think?

2/3

[badtaste]

Wait, are we talking, like, Black Panthers and Young Lords, or like the French Revolution, or...?

3/3

[badtaste]

Because I'm more of an independent vigilante kind of dude... you know, hypothetically.

[onstandby]

Aha! I see you have some experience in the field!

Can I introduce you to the Joui, Miles-kun?

[badtaste]

Hypothetical experience.

And sure, I guess so. What's the Joui?

[onstandby]

Would you have hypothetical experience in bomb making? Hypothetically.

Japan's
Organized
Union for
Independence
!

We aim to rid our country from the alien invaders!

[badtaste]

Whoa, no, I definitely don't make bombs!! Hypothetically or otherwise!!

But aliens sound pretty bad. Are there aliens invading here??

[onstandby]

How about hypothetically deliver them?

I've seen none like the ones back home. Although there are a few I am suspicious of.

[badtaste]

I'm not a killer!! I don't want to hurt any innocent people, I want to save them!! And I wouldn't kill bad guys either, just turn them over to the cops or something. (If that was something I did, but obviously I don't because I'm just a kid!!)

If there are suspicious aliens doing bad alien things though I guess that's a different story but bombing them still sounds really messed up!!

[onstandby]

Ah, I see. You're a pure soul, determined to do what's right even in the darkest of circumstances. That's admirable, Miles-kun. The Joui will never ask you to take a life.

[onstandby]

How do you hypothetically feel about hypothetically breaking and entering hypothetically?

[badtaste]

Um, hypothetically, that sounds like something I could get in a lot of un-hypothetical trouble for?? But if it was for like a really good cause, or to stop someone evil, it would probably be okay...

[onstandby]

Wonderful!! Miles-kun, you have been recruited to join the Joui!! Non-hypothetical congratulations!!

[badtaste]

Wait I didn't say yes to anything!! I was really answering hypothetically!! And if there are no alien invaders here then I don't actually know what you want me to do!!

[onstandby]

The Joui is currently undergoing a shift in purpose. Don't worry, Miles-kun - you will be the first to find out!

[everythingspandex]

Did you just get recruited into some kind of cult?

[badtaste]

I don't know!! It might be a cult or it might be some kind of crazy terrorist organization!! I told him I was against bombing!!

[everythingspandex]

Some kind of alien bombing. Aren't we all aliens here?

[badtaste]

Are we?? Is this place another planet?? Nobody told me we were on another planet!!

[everythingspandex]

I have no idea! It could be. We're technically from another world or reality or something.

[krestohmansee]

Are we really? I'm Christopher Chant, and I always thought I was destined to become a government official.

[onstandby]

AN ALLITERATIVE NAME WOULD BE WASTED ON GOVERNMENT GARBAGE!!

[onstandby]

Join the Joui, instead.

[krestohmansee]

It's a very prestigious government position, supervising the use of magic in every World there is. I'm the only one who could possibly take it. Is the Joui especially prestigious?

[onstandby]

We are the most explosive and recognizable organization of our kind back home. It shall bring you prestige and honor!

[krestohmansee]

Er. 'Explosive?'

[onstandby]

We explode all over the city with our enthusiasm and dynamite attitude!

[everythingspandex]

Peter roomed with you?

Generally, we don't put resumes in comic sans. Or like. Anything. But your qualifications for things are interesting.

[onstandby]

Indeed, we were roommates for a period of time.

Comic-sans is the most welcoming and friendly font! It gives off the message that I, too, am welcoming and friendly.

The life of a revolutionary warrior can give you many different skills.

[everythingspandex]

Did he leave anything in the apartment?

Welcoming and friendly and not quite professional, yeah.

I can see that.

[onstandby]

Some sticky white substance, but I suppose it is to be expected from a young, healthy man.

Should I have used Papyrus?

[everythingspandex]

Okaaaay... Yeah. That's not-... Focusing on the other topic here.

That's not much better.