thoughtformed | (no subject)

So, it has come to my attention that some of you might need some pointers on Halloween and what it all means. Well, luckily for all of you, I happen to be a world-class expert on Halloween, and will be more than happy to field any of your questions.

First of all, it's a holiday, obviously. But what's it celebrating? Why, it's celebrating the one time of year that the dead can rise from their graves and walk the Earth with their monster buddies. So what does that have to do with anything? Well, it's pretty simple, so you'd better pay attention, all right? It is said that the dead can be driven away from the townsfolk, where they'll feast on flesh and bone, and even your very soul. How, you ask? Well, you notice how this time of year, places are always selling costumes and stuff? That's because the dead are easily distracted, and sometimes not very smart. So you dress up, blend in, and keep them away from other people's houses using carved pumpkins and gourds and watermelon and stuff as lanterns. And as payment from the people in the houses, they sometimes give out candy or toys or something for keeping them alive.

Of course, the dead aren't completely stupid, so if you don't do it right, then they can spot you out of a crowd pretty easily. They can hear you, taste you, smell you. Kinda like an animal.

So how are you going to rectify that? How do you smell like a zombie? Or a werewolf? Or a mummy? I'll let you figure that out. In the meantime, I've gotta sharpen my fangs and practice my shapeshifting so I can really get in on this Halloween action.

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The dead don't come back to life here. I mean. Not reanimated bodies, that is.

Psh. Says you. Don't say that too loudly, they'll think you're serious.

...

Hey! I'm dead too. I just mean that we usually don't get... new dead people. And the dead people we do get aren't violent! I don't think the authorities would try to rehabilitate the truly vicious.

Hm. That's true...

Man, you guys are killing this for me. We should be out there making them scared of us! Fear us for the monsters and unholy beasts we are! You guys really suck at this.

Sorry.

They'd ...still eat the costume.

Well it's no fun if you tell them they don't have a chance. And hey, would you eat something that smelled like you? How could you even tell?

It has to... be a good cos..tume. No. Smells work.

Wait, was that a "No, smells work" or a "no smells work"? Do they or don't they? Would you eat something that smelled like rotting flesh?

No.

See? There you go. So all they have to do is roll around in some rotting meat and they won't get attacked by violent zombies. Which is cool, unless there's a giant maggot monster wandering around.

Heh. Gross.

Right? Still, I'd be friends with maggot monsters. They're probably just misunderstood.

And use..ful.. eating parts you don't want.