thoughtformed | [Video]// private

Please don't worry about it, Sheska-kun. You were busy trying to help - nobody could fault you for that, least of all me.

I knew what I could be getting into, and I did it anyway. To be honest, I'm a little relieved - if you'd been involved, you might have been let go too.

[He's quiet a moment.] How are you holding up?

[She shakes her head slowly, murmuring almost low enough to be to herself.]

Maybe it would have been worth it. If I could have done something for you maybe...

[She trails off, falling silent and staring into the middle distance, lost in her own thoughts for a moment. Then his question makes it through the fog and she looks up with a wan smile.]

Mm? Me? I'm-- I-I'll be all right. It was... busy.

Don't think that way, Sheska-kun. The only permanent harm done was that I lost my job - you could hardly have prevented that by losing your job as well. [His expression, initially a little stern, softens greatly, and his voice is quieter as he continues.] Don't think I don't know you would have helped me if you could have, Sheska. I know it, and I appreciate it a lot. This situation was simply beyond your control - and you were doing more good where you were.

[He meets her wan smile with a sad one of his own, seeming to read more than she said into her 'busy'.] I know it was a hard time on you, and I'm sorry if this makes it worse. The last thing I want is to cause you pain or hardship.

[He doesn't understand - he wasn't there; he didn't know - and she feels the smile freeze and twist, cracking under the strain of its own weight. He appreciated...? She pressed trembling fingers to her lips in a futile attempt to keep the smile in place and swallowing against the way her throat wanted to close up. All those people, all those calls, desperate for help, panicking the later in the weekend it got, when the hospital was clogged with people and the surgery was closed, the EMTs run ragged... So many people in so much pain, and it was true that she'd been able to help some of them, but...

The way Dirk's laughter had trailed off into a wet cough. The helplessness in Once-ler's whisper... He got quiet. No pulse, no breath... What do I do?

She didn't have any answers. There was nothing they could do. Carol's distraught plea that it was a joke. The way Dave had actually hung up on her and then called back with so much breathless, ragged emotion packed into those hasty words...

She had been doing more good there? Sometimes she could see it... But she isn't convinced, and she finds herself with tears standing in her eyes. When he apologizes, she shakes her head vehemently, making herself briefly dizzy.]

No! No, no, don't apologize to me. You were doing what's right, what's just! I have nothing to do with it. Don't... don't apologize. It's okay... I'm... I'm okay.

[The burst of energy doesn't last, and leaves her feeling even more drained than before. Her back finds the chair with a thump, and she takes a moment to dash the treacherous tears from her face and catch her breath. More softly, she repeats it.]

I'll be okay.

Edited 2014-02-10 18:23 (UTC)

Sheska... [His face goes through a series of emotions, quick but powerful. Then a quiet determination overtakes all of that, just as the video is switched off. Two and a half minutes later, she'll receive a knock at the door - quiet but firm.

He's in the door with his arms around her as soon as she opens the door, holding her tightly.]

[Blinking at the phone, it takes her a moment to figure out that the call ended. She did something wrong... What...? Maybe he realized she had done him an ill turn by not helping him. The... door?

She didn't bother to check who it was first, so his hug came as a shock. Her hands hung in the air for a moment before slowly folding around him.]

I-Itsuki...

[He holds her for a long moment before he speaks into her ear, quietly but fiercely.] You were doing what's right too, Sheska - you always do, so don't you ever believe otherwise.

[The hug tightens for a moment, one hand coming up to cradle her head, and Koizumi's voice is all but a whisper.] It's all right not to be okay.

[Her finger spasm against his back and she tenses, hanging precariously on the edge of denying it all, pulling away, and closing the gap-toothed shutters around the contents of her soul. But his fervent belief and the care so clearly evident in his actions are too strong to deny, and her breath catches as she slumps into his shoulder, shutting her eyes tight.

She will not cry. She will not.

Fine tremors run through her as her fingers tighten in his shirt and something that sounds suspiciously like a tiny moan wrings itself from her throat.

I'm fine. I will be okay. I will be fine. I will...

But first she has to get to that point. And at the moment, she's getting his shirt damp despite her best intentions.]

[Koizumi holds her quietly, rubbing her back and making soothing noises.] Shhh, it's all right, Sheska. Let it all out. I'm right here.

[He tightens the embrace, holding her close and closing his own eyes. There's nothing in the world but the two of them. He can feel his own walls coming down a little to meet her, and through a blur of memory and emotion, many of his own tears begin streak down their cheeks - though whether in sympathy to Sheska's hurt or in release of his own, even he cannot tell.]

[The more she tries not to cry, the worse her shaking becomes, until he can count the breaths she's taking through the change in the vibrations. She manages to stay nearly silent, and it doesn't last nearly as long as the last time she sobbed on him, but that's more a sign of how tired she is than her mental state. In a few minutes she's reduced it back down to long, shuddering breaths and choppy exhalations which finally peter out entirely.

Her fingers have cramped from holding on so tightly, and she has to concentrate on prying them loose as she stirs and raises her chin so that she can dab her sleeve across her face. But she can't quite bring herself to disengage yet, and when she speaks, she's thoroughly embarrassed by the tattered, worn quality of her almost-whisper.]

I'm sorry.

[He holds her until long after the crying stops, one hand running softly through her hair. When she stops, he loosens his embrace, so she can easily pull away if she wants to - but he doesn't pull back himself, content to stay like this for as long as she needs.

Her voice is quiet and ragged, and he looks down at her with an expression both gentle and concerned. He doesn't argue as he usually might when she apologizes, but he places a soft finger on her lips and responds, softly but surely.] Shh. Don't be.

Edited 2014-02-11 04:55 (UTC)

[She doesn't pull away as much as she probably ought, reluctant to edge away from the warmth and contact that he offers. Still, she takes his hand, pulling down from her mouth.]

I'll be okay. I really will. It was just... a rough time.

[Koizumi smiles down at her kindly, then brushes her hair our of her face and leans in to kiss her gently on the forehead.] I know you will be, Sheska-kun.

When you're having a rough time, though, it's okay to go to your friends for help. If we can't be there for you when you need someone, what are friends for?

...you look tired. Shall we sit down?

[Sparks skitter along over-sensitive nerves, setting that one spot ablaze and leaving Sheska wide-eyed. It was just so unexpected - she hardly heard the rest of what he said, but the last sentence clicked and she suddenly realized that she was being a terrible hostess.

Color flushed her cheeks, drastically reducing the grey pallor of exhaustion, and she gestured to the living room.]

Oh! Oh, of course, please, come in. Can I get you anything?

[Koizumi is about to politely decline, say that he is fine, he doesn't need anything - but something stops him. He takes a closer look at Sheska. She's still worn and tired, but she's more colorful, almost looking hopeful at the prospect of being a good hostess.

...She likes doing things for people, and making them happy. More than that, she didn't like having to depend on people, or feeling like she is an inconvenience - which she did, no matter how he tried to assure her that wasn't the case. Letting her be a hostess might just give her something to focus on, as well as a little time to regain her composure.

He gives her something of a faint smile.] Ah, thank you, Sheska-kun. A glass of water would be most welcome, if you wouldn't mind.

Edited 2014-02-12 08:57 (UTC)

[Action - and a simple one at that. Something even she could do.]

I-I'll be right there.

[In the kitchen, a combination of embarrassment, nerves, and sleep-deprivation conspire to nearly make her drop a glass, forcing her to stop and lean on the counter. Ok. She has to slow down. Take a deep breath. Not dissolve on the countertop.

Everything was so raw and exposed, even after a few days and an absolution. She'd spent so much time worrying at it that it bled just as freely now as it had at the time, even with Bro's forgiveness.

But she'd been on her own before. When she had been at home, in her own world, before the Elric brothers had brought her into the military family, she had always been alone. She had dealt with her problems then. She could do it now. Sirius had Mr. Potter to worry about. Koizumi had Aqua. There was no need to bother them with her issues. She would handle it. Now. Relax. Smile. Even just a little one. Smile. Fill the glass, and walk back out there.

She sets the glass down in front of him, considering where to sit. Would being next to him be too forward right now?]

There you are... I'm sorry about that. Is, ah, is everything going all right? Other than the office, I mean...

[Koizumi senses the act Sheska is putting on, though of course he doesn't mention it. She was done sobbing, but she was obviously a far cry from all right.]

Thank you very much, Sheska-kun. [Koizumi makes a show of scooting over so there's room for Sheska next to him, then takes a sip of water.] Ah, aside from the office, things are going well for me. School is a breeze, of course, and club activities are entertaining as always.

[He doesn't mention Aqua. She probably knew, but unless she asked specifically, it would feel almost uncouth.]

[Given her distraction, it's probably a good thing that he made a point of offering her a spot to sit, or she might not have taken it. As it is, she carefully settles down beside him.]

Oh, good. You're getting close to graduation now, aren't you. And college after? Is that usually in May?

[The topic is banal. She knows that. But she really doesn't want to discuss what happened in the doorway. And she doesn't want him to go yet, as selfish as it is. Casting around for ideas, she's coming up dry. At least she has the good grace to look embarrassed about it.]

[If Koizumi minds the topic, he certainly doesn't show it - nor does he show any indication of wanting to leave or having anywhere else to be.] That's right - graduation is in May, and I think I'll be starting at the community college near the end of August.

Of course, I still have no idea what I'll be studying yet. [He laughs quietly at himself, then turns kindly to her.] What about you? Have you ever thought about furthering your education, getting a degree in English or library science?

Oh! Ah... I, um... I suppose it's crossed my mind occasionally, but I really don't know if they'd even accept me. My education is so different from what's taught in schools here. We didn't have televisions, you know. The levels of education are just fundamentally different. It's easy enough to work-- well, to do my job, because I had rather a crash course in electronics from the Avengers when they were first here, and the job itself is similar enough in principal to some of the duties that I had at home. I'm not sure I would be fit for such classes.

But you would do so well there! Have you considered astronomy? As an area of study, I mean.

Well, you shouldn't automatically rule it out. Education may be different, but surely they're used to that here - and I imagine the areas you'd be interested in are ones where those differences wouldn't matter quite so much. Besides, don't shortchange yourself - I'm confident you could learn anything if you put your mind to it.

Ah, astronomy? Hmm, I hadn't considered that. I'm not sure what practical application it might have, especially here on the island.

[He's quiet for a moment, and then, staring softly into the distance.] Do you like stargazing, Sheska? We should go sometime.

[A small smile twists her mouth and she shakes her head slightly in a silent demurral of her adequacy for higher education, and colors when he notes that astronomy wouldn't serve a very practical purpose.]

I, um, haven't gotten much of a chance to do so in a long time. Even Central City was too brightly lit to really get a good view. I know these stars are different from mine, but I haven't tried to chart them or anything. I would think the best place for stargazing would be somewhere in the forest, but I've only been in there once.

[Evading the question... She does enjoy it, but she's very uncertain of herself right now, and doesn't want to get him into trouble.]

[He doesn't seem to notice her evasion, but doesn't press the issue anyway.] Well, whenever you want. They may be different from home, but I know this sky, and I know where in the forest to look from - I'd love to show you sometime.

[He expels a large breath, then leans closer to Sheska, so that their shoulders are touching. He closes his eyes, speaking as if to himself.] Astronomy, huh...?

[His presence is comforting, and she doesn't even think before adjusting to lean on him a little. Speaking softly, more to provide background noise than anything, she says:]

I wonder what the constellations are, here... the stories behind them. Do they even do that here? Or are they all just named impersonally... numbers and letters. What do they mean for the people here? Do they mean anything at all?

All we would really have to do to find out is ask some of the nonfictionals. But for the most part, they seem to want nothing to do with us. [He smiles softly.] I suppose you probably know different constellations and stories than I do, though. Even if they aren't here, it would be interesting to talk about.

[Video]

Re: [Video]

[Video]

Re: [Video]

[Video] -> [Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

Re: [Action]

[Action]