Itsuki Koizumi (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dontmindmepleasecontinue) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thoughtformed2014-03-12 10:46 pm
dontmindmepleasecontinue) wrote in thoughtformed2014-03-12 10:46 pm
Entry tags:
semi-closed log
WHAT: mental breakdowns and existential crises
WHO: Koizumi and those who notice his sudden absence
WHEN: between 3/7 and 3/14
WHERE: Koizumi's apartment
WARNINGS: triggering and content warnings for: depression, thoughts of suicide, mental breakdown. will edit with any further warnings.
Haruhi has been the center of Koizumi's life for a long time. She's been at the very core of his world and his identity for more than five years - for an 18 year old, that might as well be forever. She is everything to him. His friend, his first and greatest love, his literal God. She grants him the powers that make him an esper, make him special. Even if nobody knows, he has saved the world many times - and that means more to him than he can ever explain. She is a part of who he is.
Well. Was. That's gone now.
...She's gone.
Koizumi lays on his bed, trying to come to grips with it. He fluctuates between sorrow and madness and and denial and despair. Days pass, and the shadows climb the wall, only to vanish once again. He doesn't eat, and can't tell the difference between sleeping and waking anymore. It doesn't seem important, though sometimes he forgets why.
He gets messages, but he can't summon the will to respond to them.
...Anything would be better than this. He could suffer through anything, the cruelest torture, if only Kyon and Haruhi were here.
They're not. His mind wanders to his gun - at least that ending would be quick. But no, his gun was taken away when he lost his job. He's absolutely powerless - all he can do is lay there in his own personal hell, and hope for the darkness to consume him.
WHO: Koizumi and those who notice his sudden absence
WHEN: between 3/7 and 3/14
WHERE: Koizumi's apartment
WARNINGS: triggering and content warnings for: depression, thoughts of suicide, mental breakdown. will edit with any further warnings.
Haruhi has been the center of Koizumi's life for a long time. She's been at the very core of his world and his identity for more than five years - for an 18 year old, that might as well be forever. She is everything to him. His friend, his first and greatest love, his literal God. She grants him the powers that make him an esper, make him special. Even if nobody knows, he has saved the world many times - and that means more to him than he can ever explain. She is a part of who he is.
Well. Was. That's gone now.
...She's gone.
Koizumi lays on his bed, trying to come to grips with it. He fluctuates between sorrow and madness and and denial and despair. Days pass, and the shadows climb the wall, only to vanish once again. He doesn't eat, and can't tell the difference between sleeping and waking anymore. It doesn't seem important, though sometimes he forgets why.
He gets messages, but he can't summon the will to respond to them.
...Anything would be better than this. He could suffer through anything, the cruelest torture, if only Kyon and Haruhi were here.
They're not. His mind wanders to his gun - at least that ending would be quick. But no, his gun was taken away when he lost his job. He's absolutely powerless - all he can do is lay there in his own personal hell, and hope for the darkness to consume him.
no subject
It takes him another five or ten minutes, but eventually Koizumi is at the ready, looking more or less presentable. On the other hand, though unresisting, he looks rather resigned about interacting with people. Making what appears to be a supreme effort, he looks up at her finds the will to ask a polite question.
"So... where are we going?"
no subject
"Paradox Pizza. I'm buying. Come on."
Julie isn't going to ask him to talk, but there's no way she's going to just let him sit here and rot, either.
no subject
He appreciates what she's doing, in the small corner of his mind that can look at this logically. He knows he needs to get out, but by himself he really just can't find it in him to care.
"...thank you, Julie."
no subject
"You're my friend, I'm not about to let you waste away in here if I can help it," she tells him firmly, meaning that far more literally than he might realise.
"So, start thinking about what you want."