thoughtformed | (no subject)

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-Even if our leader is swearing on )(is silly nubs t)(at )(e does not know w)(at )(appened...
I believe it goes wit)(out saying t)(at I am not t)(e -Empress.
I was never going to be!
Besides t)(e memories, w)(ic)( I can't really explain, t)(e t)(ing t)(at I s)(are wit)( )(er is a blood color.
And my lusus! Before s)(e died too.
Knowing t)(at, )(owever, and being in a w)(ole new place w)(ere I am sure t)(is was not supposed to )(appen at all...
I t)(ink w)(at I needed to say was...

I'm sorry.

PRIVATE TO ERIDAN, SOLLUX, KARKAT, ARADIA

Really sorry.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

JUST. I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT OUR LINK IS TO THOSE ASSHOLES BUT IT'S NOT OUR FUTURE
ERIDAN'S STILL A DOUCHE SO THINK WHATEVER YOU WANT ABOUT HIM
I DON'T EVEN GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ME
BUT PLEASE DON'T THINK BADLY ABOUT FEFERI

... You really care about her that much.

I'm skipping over most of the rest of that because it makes no sense whatsoever, but ... she must be a damn good friend to you.

You don't even like me, and yet you care enough about her to care if I like her.

LOOK, IT'S NOT LIKE I EVEN HATE YOU OR ANYTHING
THAT WHOLE OFF-PUTTING ASSHOLE SHIT?
NOBODY'S ACTUALLY DONE IT TO ME BEFORE, BUT I FUCKING GET IT.

AND I CAN GET HOW IT'S KIND OF FREAKISH FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND
AND HOW MOST OTHER NORMAL HUMANS WHO HAVEN'T BEEN HERE LONG WOULD PROBABLY JUST BE FREAKING THE FUCK OUT
INSTEAD OF LIKE, BEING CALM ABOUT IT
BUT IF IT WAS ANY OTHER TROLL I PROBABLY WOULDN'T BE ARGUING THIS MUCH
AND I PROBABLY WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE SAID ALL OF THE SHIT I JUST SAID.
FEFERI'S NOT EVEN JUST A GOOD FRIEND. SHE'S A GOOD PERSON

I CAN'T SAY THE SAME ABOUT ERIDAN
AND I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO BOTHER DEFENDING HIM
BEYOND SAYING WHOEVER THE FUCK HE WAS ISN'T WHO HE IS
BUT OTHER THAN THAT, THAT GUY'S STILL AN ASSHOLE.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

BECAUSE THREATENING SOMEBODY IN THE NAME OF THE TROLL WE'RE ALL DEFENDING IS DEFINITELY GOING TO MAKE A STELLAR IMPRESSION
WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT FIRST?????
THANKS A FUCKING LOT, ASSHOLE.

Karkat, I'm pretty used to dealing with jerks. Just not as much with the death threats.

And I can't pretend most of this stuff makes any kind of sense to me. I'm not an expert on alien cultures, despite all the TV I watch.

But I guess what I'm trying to say is that I understand what it's like to have a friend, a good friend you truly trust and care about and would do basically anything for.

So, um ... I'm sorry. For giving Feferi a hard time. I guess I'm still pretty weirded out by all the stuff that's happened lately, and I guess I still don't really know everything that went on the last few days. And maybe I don't deal with conflict so well - I try to avoid it if I can, for the most part, and if I can't avoid it, my next choice is hiding in a dark closet where no one will think to look for me. I didn't mean to be a jerk, but I know I sometimes come off that way to people who don't know me well. I'm not really used to people actively trying to be my friend, like Feferi did, and I guess when she flipped over to threatening to kill me - even though it was someone else entirely, I still thought it was her - I just didn't know how to handle it. So I'm sorry about that.

HEY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I WAS A PRETTY BIG ASSHOLE.

AND IT'S NOT LIKE I MADE IT EASY FOR ANYBODY TO UNDERSTAND WHERE I WAS COMING FROM
SINCE I GOT PISSED OVER IT INSTEAD OF LIKE
MAKING ANY COHERENT POINTS OR EXAMPLES.

I GUESS I'M SAYING
SORRY FOR BEING A TOOL

I FLIPPED MY SHIT SINCE TERRIBLE STUFF HAPPENED AND LIKE
EVEN IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ME I KNEW IT WASN'T THEM
SO IT WAS EASIER FOR ME TO HANDLE WHEN EVERYTHING WAS NORMAL THAN I GUESS IT WOULD'VE BEEN
IF I THOUGHT IT WAS THEM
SO
REALLY
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

BUT UH, DON'T TALK TO ERIDAN
HE WON'T KILL YOU OR ANYTHING BUT
TALKING TO HIM FOR ANY LENGTH OF TIME MAKES YOU WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM AND NEVER STOP.

I guess this has been a valuable learning experience for both of us, then.

And I will steer clear of Eridan. I'm sort of attached to having vocal cords.

Um ... I really am sorry you got tortured to death, by the way.

UH.
THAT SOUNDS REALLY FUCKED UP WHEN YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT.

Well ... it's accurate, right?

YEAH. I GUESS
I JUST DIDN'T THINK OF IT LIKE THAT.

BUT THANKS.
IT'S FINE. I MEAN, I'M ALIVE NOW
SO I'M NOT GONNA THINK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

That's probably for the best.

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DONE.

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