thoughtformed | (no subject)

Hallucinations don't bite.

They're also not this adorable.

Depends on the hallucination.

But no, not usually.

Which leaves the question, where did they come from? I've found at least four, already.

Damn.

I just realized. They're going to have us all on Animal Control for days.

What?

If there are cats all over the city, my beat cops are going to wind up re-assigned to... no, hang on, memo from the island government.

Brilliant. Looks like everyone is enlisted to clean this mess up.

You're bullshitting, right?

Why does everybody mistake me for a comedian?

Mostly cos you're saying some pretty outrageous bullshit, man.

But then, the size of your neck pretty much gives away how little humour you've got. You usually don't need a personality or sense of humour when you've got biceps the size of your head.

You're not the best at making friends, are you?

..I can't afford to feed four cats on this salary.

Well, we can always use more people down at the station. We've even got secretarial openings, if guns and adrenaline aren't really your thing.

No, that was the week before last, I'm afraid.

What happened then?

Hallucinations, obviously.

[ She represses the urge to eyeroll. ] What sort of hallucinations?

Must be all fine and good for those who love cats, but I can't stand em. Terrible horrible monsters, the lot of them.

What's wrong with cats?

They're just... they smell, they don't give a damn about you, they're selfish, and need love on their schedule. Cats are just shite pets in general.

And a dog won't eat you when you die.

Hm. I guess that's true. Still, I like them. They're mysterious, and self reliant. I travel a lot, so a cat is better than a dog.

I also beg to differ on that.

Nah, love. A dog is a great companion for when you're on the road. Cats will just sit and cry and piss all over everything.

Dogs will just cry when you die. Cats will just see you as a big old pile of dinner and eat your face. I've seen it, love. It happens.

I can't take pets with me on work related trips. [ She frowns a little. ] I'm pretty sure any animal will eat a dead body if they're hungry enough.

Yeah, but dogs will only do it as a last resort. Cats are just dickheads.

Then why are we having this conversation? Don't tell me you just wanted to talk to me.

..You were the one who started talking to me?

Oh. Right.

So you're just being polite, then.

If you want to put it like that, then yes.

Probably not.

If all the weird things that happen are like this, I don't think I'll mind so much.

They're generally weirder in much more irritating ways, actually.

How so?

Unexplained bouts of hallucinations, drugged chocolate, etc. etc.