To the stare-y gentleman in the fine coat.

[celestial_mongoose]

I deeply regret to inform... whoever it is that has my...acquaintance bound that I'm unfortunately going to need him back.

You see, he's done nothing wrong and does not deserve, shall we say, being bound to a chair under threat of spraybottle. That is just cruel and unusual and I'm afraid I can't have that.

So if you would kindly release him, I shall be most grateful to you. Perhaps I might be able to offer something in exchange for his release, yes? I do believe that you are a reasonable chap, and believe that some common ground may be able to be reached between us.

Thank you.

Comments

[just_cause]

I do not understand you interest in this demon. He is lucky I have not sent him back to hell, yet. Or ended his existence entirely.

[To be quite honest, Castiel is not sure why he hasn't. Crowley is not particularly convincing, but something about him is... off. Without the majority of his 'mojo' as Dean called it, it's harder for the angel. Harder than it should be, really. Crowley isn't like the demons he is used to.]

[celestial_mongoose]

In your time with him, dear boy, have you spoken with him much at all? Observed his behaviour? If you have, then perhaps you will agree with my earlier statement about his harmlessness, yes?

[just_cause]

Appearing harmless, and being harmless, are two very different definitions, in my experience. Besides that, he is an abomination. You do realize this is a demon you have aligned yourself with.

[Because Castiel would never do something like that, especially with a demon by the exact same name]

[celestial_mongoose]

Once again, I feel that I must correct you, brother. Alignment is out of the question, naturally. Rather than a demon, born of Hell, he was once one of us, you know.

[just_cause]

Crowley was a human before he became a demon. He was not an Angel of the Lord.

[celestial_mongoose]

Then here may be where you've been confused, friend.

I have known Crowley since the beginning of Creation. He was once called by a different name, which at the time was fitting, considering his role in everything.

[just_cause]

Then he is one of our siblings who has chosen to fight on Lucifer's side, and I have a much more efficient way of removing him from the battle.

[And yet that sounds like regret in Castiel's tone. He never wanted to hurt his siblings. But it was becoming more frequently necessary than he liked to think about. He had killed so many of his brothers, now.]

[celestial_mongoose]

Oh dear...

Now, please, before you make such a rash decision, do take into account that if this were truly the case, then he might have put up more of a struggle, yes?

Crowley may not be on... 'our side' exactly, but I hardly think he is need of a good smiting.

Is that something that we still do? I'm only a Principality. Such things are not part of my jurisdiction, I'm afraid.

[just_cause]

I was a soldier. [There is so little emphasis on was that it nearly sticks out from the other words in his attempts not to let it.]

Neither of you seem to be aware of what is going on with Lucifer and Michael or the Winchesters. How is it that you have not heard about it? It is all any of our siblings discuss or fight over. The demons, too.

[celestial_mongoose]

Is it, now? Gracious, I should think this is the first I've heard of it. I should like to hear more about it, I think.

But I must confess to you that both myself and Crowley have spent much of our time actually on the surface of the planet these last six thousand years. Many such things tend to pass over our realm of perception, I'm afraid.

[just_cause]

That would explain several things, actually.

What have you been doing down here? I was unaware we were stationing principalities here. The cherubs were the highest class I know of, still remaining bound.

[celestial_mongoose]

What have I been doing? Oh, a little of this, a little of that. Mostly enjoying the fruits of Creation.

Did you know, that mankind has developed a method for turning topical seed pods into delectable sweets? It's quite remarkable, and I've taken quite a liking to it. Crowley might tease, but I've seen him eat stranger things. It took him centuries to break the habit of eating mice.

I did, however, own a bookstore. I've grown quite fond of human Literature and book collecting. Oh such a collection I had. It would have made you weep, I assure you.

[just_cause]

[He ignores most of that for a confused stare and then a frown. They were very unusual cases. That he would not deny. But none of it made sense to him. How could they be doing this? Why had they been allowed to?

Was this part of a plan he was unaware of? It seemed possible. Other than, he was not sure there ever was a plan, anymore. If there had been, where was it now that God no longer cared to touch the war between his siblings?]

If I release him, can you guarantee he would not just resume collecting souls?

[celestial_mongoose]

My dear boy, Crowley and I have been spending time together periodically since our time here on Earth, and in that time, I cannot say I've seen him ever be truly evil. Not even in the Garden, he might wager. Though the ethics of what he did there is not why we're here.

I cannot say he's ever collected a single soul in his entire existence. Gave a little push, perhaps, but not any more than you or I might do for someone to Our side.

[just_cause]

I do not understand how either of you are possible. Or why you would align with each other.

[But Crowley had proven not to be either of the demons he and Dean thought him to be, and Castiel had other concerns right now. Somewhere in the background is the sound of muffled cursing and someone scratching metal on wood.]

There.

[celestial_mongoose]

[Aziraphale frowns as he slowly realises what the sound is.]

Heavens... that isn't him is it? You actually had him tied to a chair?