To the stare-y gentleman in the fine coat.

[celestial_mongoose]

I deeply regret to inform... whoever it is that has my...acquaintance bound that I'm unfortunately going to need him back.

You see, he's done nothing wrong and does not deserve, shall we say, being bound to a chair under threat of spraybottle. That is just cruel and unusual and I'm afraid I can't have that.

So if you would kindly release him, I shall be most grateful to you. Perhaps I might be able to offer something in exchange for his release, yes? I do believe that you are a reasonable chap, and believe that some common ground may be able to be reached between us.

Thank you.

Comments

[celestial_mongoose]

Is it, now? Gracious, I should think this is the first I've heard of it. I should like to hear more about it, I think.

But I must confess to you that both myself and Crowley have spent much of our time actually on the surface of the planet these last six thousand years. Many such things tend to pass over our realm of perception, I'm afraid.

[just_cause]

That would explain several things, actually.

What have you been doing down here? I was unaware we were stationing principalities here. The cherubs were the highest class I know of, still remaining bound.

[celestial_mongoose]

What have I been doing? Oh, a little of this, a little of that. Mostly enjoying the fruits of Creation.

Did you know, that mankind has developed a method for turning topical seed pods into delectable sweets? It's quite remarkable, and I've taken quite a liking to it. Crowley might tease, but I've seen him eat stranger things. It took him centuries to break the habit of eating mice.

I did, however, own a bookstore. I've grown quite fond of human Literature and book collecting. Oh such a collection I had. It would have made you weep, I assure you.

[just_cause]

[He ignores most of that for a confused stare and then a frown. They were very unusual cases. That he would not deny. But none of it made sense to him. How could they be doing this? Why had they been allowed to?

Was this part of a plan he was unaware of? It seemed possible. Other than, he was not sure there ever was a plan, anymore. If there had been, where was it now that God no longer cared to touch the war between his siblings?]

If I release him, can you guarantee he would not just resume collecting souls?

[celestial_mongoose]

My dear boy, Crowley and I have been spending time together periodically since our time here on Earth, and in that time, I cannot say I've seen him ever be truly evil. Not even in the Garden, he might wager. Though the ethics of what he did there is not why we're here.

I cannot say he's ever collected a single soul in his entire existence. Gave a little push, perhaps, but not any more than you or I might do for someone to Our side.

[just_cause]

I do not understand how either of you are possible. Or why you would align with each other.

[But Crowley had proven not to be either of the demons he and Dean thought him to be, and Castiel had other concerns right now. Somewhere in the background is the sound of muffled cursing and someone scratching metal on wood.]

There.

[celestial_mongoose]

[Aziraphale frowns as he slowly realises what the sound is.]

Heavens... that isn't him is it? You actually had him tied to a chair?