[ VIDEO ] - Inside a generic apartment room

[moriarty_was_real]

Petty vandalism? Really now? So you've mentally regressed to the level of particularly slow children. I suppose I'll have to switch tactics to accommodate.

I'm offering a bounty on the heads of those who can't resist destroying perfectly good resources for fun. They will be brought to the elementary school, handcuffed to uncomfortably small desks, and forced to endure several straight hours of my most excruciating mathematics lectures.

NOW will you behave yourselves?

Comments

[badnewsboy]

I see, violence in the name of--oh, well would you call this righteousness? Virtue? You're not mad because took something from you, are you? That would be violence in the name of something much more unpleasant.

Because you sound mad.

[ VIDEO ]

[moriarty_was_real]

[What's this? Someone actually trying to have a thoughtful conversation on a relevant topic? Now that's worth a response!]

I would call it punishment for forcing me to endure the irritation of their unprecedented levels of stupidity, and incentive to curb the behaviour on their own.

[badnewsboy]

So something much more unpleasant.

You don't think that's myopic? The soda will be replaced eventually.

[moriarty_was_real]

Soda is irrelevant. The people themselves are irrelevant. The morality of the situation is even more irrelevant.

[That's it, keep thinking... chew on that new information for awhile, he'll wait until you're ready for more.]

[badnewsboy]

That was a good joke, you know. You can laugh.

But I can't help but ask what is so terribly important to cause such a disturbance? It's can't merely be the simple act of larceny.

[moriarty_was_real]

I'm not causing a disturbance, I'm perturbing the system in an attempt to reduce the chaos.

[badnewsboy]

It sounds as if you've lost something.

[moriarty_was_real]

More that I've finished with what I've had, not anticipating the need to find something to replace it.

[badnewsboy]

Change is good.

[moriarty_was_real]

That's a useless thing to say.

[badnewsboy]

Not at all. Some people forget it easily, because with change there is opportunity.

[moriarty_was_real]

Oh I'm so sorry, I must not have made myself clear!

"Useless" does not mean I want you to feel encouraged to keep going!

[badnewsboy]

Oh, I believe it's too late for that.

As one in the interest of change, I believe that those caught in the rut of their own impolitic circumstances may not see what comes with it. It's not that I speak with your best interests at heart, but that I find that the consequences of your unwillingness to adapt to the situation rather ... well, problematic.

Though mostly for you.

[moriarty_was_real]

I think you'll find, if show interest in something beside the sound of your own voice, that I'm perfectly willing to adapt. It simply takes more creativity than I possess to fashion something interesting so quickly out of the truly meagre selection of ingredients here.

[badnewsboy]

Ah! Lemons for lemonade!

In Midgardian terms.

[moriarty_was_real]

[There's a bit of a pause]

You're making a reference to Old Norse mythology and a trite modern aphorism in the same breath?

[badnewsboy]

I don't believe the Old Norse is as old as you think. We don't even have lemonade, much to my dismay.

[moriarty_was_real]

Feel free to enlighten me.

[badnewsboy]

I would, but the people of the internet don't ever seem to believe me.

[moriarty_was_real]

I've somehow managed to convince myself that I'm a fictional character trapped on a tiny magic island populated largely by the exceptionally stupid, probably because I'm in a coma somewhere with massive brain damage from a botched suicide attempt.

Try me.

[badnewsboy]

That's quite an interesting theory, though if they want to make the argument that we're fake, the same could be said of them, correct?

As for me, I'm an Asgardian, so the realm of explanations for my appearance are endless.

[moriarty_was_real]

So you come from the realm of the gods? What does that make you?

[badnewsboy]

I thought you'd make the connection.

[moriarty_was_real]

I thought you were the one telling the story.

[badnewsboy]

Not all stories are so straight-forward. They'd get boring, otherwise.

[moriarty_was_real]

Too bad you're hopeless as a storyteller. This one just did.

[badnewsboy]

How very unfortunate.

[moriarty_was_real]

And so predictable.

[The transmission cuts off.]