eighteen.

[thneed]

Ehem. Hello! Are you on an island you never wanted to be on? Are you hungry and have no idea where food is? You should call Paradox Pizza. With delicious pizzas (and pancakes we do breakfasts), completely affordable prices, and delivery service that will literally deliver the pizza immediately after you hang up the phone -- it's the best place to get food.

Unless you're craving dessert! In which case you should direct yourself to those fancy coupons in another post and get some Betty Crocker products.

Not hungry? You need a thneed. What's that? It's a revolutionary product with a million uses*! A million, you ask? No way!

Yes way! It's a parachute, a suit, a bufferfly net, a people net, a bodybag (not intended for recommended use), a sleeping bag, a reusable diaper, an exercise belt, a conveyor belt, a runny nose wiper, a slingshot, a catapult, a muzzle, an attractive designer bag, a tightrope, a jump rope, a cape, a colorful cat sweater, an underwater fish igloo, a carpet, drapes, a pillow, sheets, a bicycle seat, a swimsuit, a monkey suit, a tea cozy, a fabulous cocktail dress, a wi-fi hot spot, earmuffs, oven mitts, mouse pad, mouse house, a dog house, a house-house, fancy blouse, a car seat, a booster seat, a pair of socks, underpants, it puts out campfires, it wards of vampires, a pool cover, a soup, balloon.... AND MOOORE!

Thneeds are all natural, made of one-hundred-and-ten-percent truffula tuft.
Don't need a large, medium, or small because it's uniquely designed for a true one-size-fits-all.
To the touch this wonderful thing is softer than silk!
And it smells sweeter than butterfly milk!
And it comes in 84 colors which all look great!
And it can be yours for just 3.98!

*Thneeds can not be trees.

edit: And take a look right here for free breadsticks.

Comments

[thneed]

That's an exclusive you deal though.

[ and it has the word 'FREE' ]

[subspaceflowers]

Yeah, but I did say I'd buy it. And it has the bonus of being attached to an order.

[thneed]

If we promote it too much we'll run out of bread.

[subspaceflowers]

At a pizza place.

[thneed]

You never know.

[subspaceflowers]

I thought you wanted to attract new customers, Mr. Once-ler.

[thneed]

I do, I do! I just don't want you ending up buying half the city breadsticks. They're not the cheapest thing on the menu.

[thneed]

What if they don't tip the cost of breadsticks?

[subspaceflowers]

What if they tip more because they got free food from a cute girl?

[thneed]

Good point.

[subspaceflowers]

Can't have promotions without taking a little bit of a risk. And what do we pay for that bread? Like, maybe $.15?

[thneed]

Bread isn't 15 cents.

Promote away. Should I edit it in?

[subspaceflowers]

No, I know that it doesn't cost them, 15 cents, but it's still super cheap for us, right? You know, since we make it?

Sure. If you want to. Unless you think it's too big of a risk. You're not scared, are you?

[thneed]

Well yeah.

No no. I'm not scared. ...Okay it wasn't any of that it was actually kind of the line. I didn't want to say, "There's a pizza party in my pants."

[subspaceflowers]

And there's another reason it won't be as bad as you think. If you make it embarrassing, people won't wanna say it to a complete stranger.

[thneed]

But other people don't really seem to have shame with their words here, you know what I mean? They curse like sailors and get really creative with the innuendos sometimes.

[subspaceflowers]

But then there's sweet, gentle souls like you who actually care about that sort of thing.

[thneed]

I just can't say it.

[subspaceflowers]

Do your fingers not wanna say it, either?

[thneed]

Yes. My fingers are very polite.

[subspaceflowers]

ugh fiiine. Just direct them over to my post and I'll get it taken care of.

[thneed]

Okay done and done.