eighteen.

[thneed]

Ehem. Hello! Are you on an island you never wanted to be on? Are you hungry and have no idea where food is? You should call Paradox Pizza. With delicious pizzas (and pancakes we do breakfasts), completely affordable prices, and delivery service that will literally deliver the pizza immediately after you hang up the phone -- it's the best place to get food.

Unless you're craving dessert! In which case you should direct yourself to those fancy coupons in another post and get some Betty Crocker products.

Not hungry? You need a thneed. What's that? It's a revolutionary product with a million uses*! A million, you ask? No way!

Yes way! It's a parachute, a suit, a bufferfly net, a people net, a bodybag (not intended for recommended use), a sleeping bag, a reusable diaper, an exercise belt, a conveyor belt, a runny nose wiper, a slingshot, a catapult, a muzzle, an attractive designer bag, a tightrope, a jump rope, a cape, a colorful cat sweater, an underwater fish igloo, a carpet, drapes, a pillow, sheets, a bicycle seat, a swimsuit, a monkey suit, a tea cozy, a fabulous cocktail dress, a wi-fi hot spot, earmuffs, oven mitts, mouse pad, mouse house, a dog house, a house-house, fancy blouse, a car seat, a booster seat, a pair of socks, underpants, it puts out campfires, it wards of vampires, a pool cover, a soup, balloon.... AND MOOORE!

Thneeds are all natural, made of one-hundred-and-ten-percent truffula tuft.
Don't need a large, medium, or small because it's uniquely designed for a true one-size-fits-all.
To the touch this wonderful thing is softer than silk!
And it smells sweeter than butterfly milk!
And it comes in 84 colors which all look great!
And it can be yours for just 3.98!

*Thneeds can not be trees.

edit: And take a look right here for free breadsticks.

Comments

[easy_a]

Leave it to you to stick up and advertisement with all these new people showing up.

Can't say you're a bad businessman, though.

[thneed]

I'm not the only one that did it. Meenah put coupons.

I'm a great one.

[easy_a]

Dunno who Meenah is, and I don't really think I care.

Yeah, you are. Borderline frighteningly great.

[ohmycod]

sorry imma let you finish but
my advertisement rocks the socks offa this one

[thneed]

But I advertised three different things.

[ohmycod]

lemme introduce you to somefin that might help you

tl;dr

okay not like necessarily didnt read but
you know whatever the point is
too much glubbing yo
people around here have proven to me that theyre kinda dumb

[subspaceflowers]

Not even a sniff of a mention of my free breadstick offer? For shame, Mr. Once-ler. For shame.

[thneed]

That's an exclusive you deal though.

[ and it has the word 'FREE' ]

[subspaceflowers]

Yeah, but I did say I'd buy it. And it has the bonus of being attached to an order.

[fuckincakewake]

i need a specialty order!!

[thneed]

Oh? What do you need?

[fuckincakewake]

emergency thneed sling 3 my busted arm
and a thneed for janey :3

pout

[nicevampireguy]

Wards off vampires?

[notdogmatic]

You have never come in for pizza.

[nicevampireguy]

Kid, I don't eat food.

[thneed]

Only the ones that go to eat you?

[nicevampireguy]

Better.

[symbioteclone]

I think your thneed sounds like some kind of scheme.

[thneed]

It's not!

[symbioteclone]

There's no way it's legit. That thing sounds too good to be true.

[notdogmatic]

Market research suggests there is no legal deterrent to omitting the disclaimer about trees.

[thneed]

Oh good! No disclaimers then.

[maiditoutalive]

Really, Once-ler?

[thneed]

Really.

[maiditoutalive]

How are they even going to know if they need a thneed yet?