eighteen.

[thneed]

Ehem. Hello! Are you on an island you never wanted to be on? Are you hungry and have no idea where food is? You should call Paradox Pizza. With delicious pizzas (and pancakes we do breakfasts), completely affordable prices, and delivery service that will literally deliver the pizza immediately after you hang up the phone -- it's the best place to get food.

Unless you're craving dessert! In which case you should direct yourself to those fancy coupons in another post and get some Betty Crocker products.

Not hungry? You need a thneed. What's that? It's a revolutionary product with a million uses*! A million, you ask? No way!

Yes way! It's a parachute, a suit, a bufferfly net, a people net, a bodybag (not intended for recommended use), a sleeping bag, a reusable diaper, an exercise belt, a conveyor belt, a runny nose wiper, a slingshot, a catapult, a muzzle, an attractive designer bag, a tightrope, a jump rope, a cape, a colorful cat sweater, an underwater fish igloo, a carpet, drapes, a pillow, sheets, a bicycle seat, a swimsuit, a monkey suit, a tea cozy, a fabulous cocktail dress, a wi-fi hot spot, earmuffs, oven mitts, mouse pad, mouse house, a dog house, a house-house, fancy blouse, a car seat, a booster seat, a pair of socks, underpants, it puts out campfires, it wards of vampires, a pool cover, a soup, balloon.... AND MOOORE!

Thneeds are all natural, made of one-hundred-and-ten-percent truffula tuft.
Don't need a large, medium, or small because it's uniquely designed for a true one-size-fits-all.
To the touch this wonderful thing is softer than silk!
And it smells sweeter than butterfly milk!
And it comes in 84 colors which all look great!
And it can be yours for just 3.98!

*Thneeds can not be trees.

edit: And take a look right here for free breadsticks.

Comments

[easy_a]

That's a good way of looking at it.

[Yes, yes, it is. Cherish the moment; it probably won't happen again for a long time coming.]

Don't go getting mushy on me now. [She's teasing. She doesn't mind the gratitude at all.]

[thneed]

[ THIS IS ONE OF THE GREATEST MOMENTS AND- ]

I'm not getting mushy. I'd hug you but you'd probably punch me in the face.

[easy_a]

With my power, it wouldn't be just a hug, so let's avoid that, yeah?

Anyway, if I did punch you, it would be on accident. But since we're not even going there, that's not something to worry about.

[thneed]

Oh...right...

No hugs.

[easy_a]

Nothing against you, but I think we really don't want our friendship taking that turn.

[Fortunately, Once-ler isn't her type in the least. There is nary an ounce of want for that.]

So yeah. No hugs.

[thneed]

Right. We definitely don't. No offense back.

[ The feeling is mutual. She curses way too much for him. ]

Agreed.

[easy_a]

[He wouldn't remember any cursing from her while he touched her, but just. No. He's far too innocent to even dwell on the possibility of it happening.]

Sorry, mate. Powers are shit like that.

[thneed]

You don't have to apologize for that. Yes, they are.

[easy_a]

Be glad you don't have one, yeah?

[thneed]

I'm glad! The times I had one during one of those crazy island things were on the same level of 'please don't touch anything.'

But because touching things killed the things. Not. Ya know. But still!

[easy_a]

...Okay, that might have been worse than wot I have. Not gonna lie.

[thneed]

Yeah, it was pretty bad.

[easy_a]

[...]

You didn't happen to... you know. Actually kill someone, did you?

[thneed]

Not anyone human anyway. I mean there was a lot of trees and then I may have killed a deer with an axe but that last bit was more of a sanity thing that went along with the powers.

I think I was supposed to be the villain.

[easy_a]

Good; a deer's a lot easier to get rid of than a body.

[Not... that she knows from experience. Ahem.]

You'd make a right scary villain, though all I see you as is some big money, American CEO.

[thneed]

...It is?

[ oh my seuss what. no. let's ignore those implications- ]

What like one of those snotty guys in their expensive suit in their private jets with their eight lawyers?

[easy_a]

Well, a deer is smaller than a person, yeah?

[Yeaaaaah let's play stupid on this one.]

Yeah. And you'd lose all your lovely optimism and nice hair.

[thneed]

Not the big ones.

[ wat. ]

Not the hair!

[easy_a]

Never mind then.

[what what]

You'd probably get fat too.

[thneed]

[ oh my seuss let's just- MOVING ON ... ]

Well that would just look ridiculous.

[easy_a]

Yeah, it would. Definitely glad you're not a villain permanently.

[thneed]

And I'm glad I'm not fat and bald.

[easy_a]

Same. You look fine the way you are now.