[ TIMESTAMP: midnight ]

[totesadorbz]

[ At midnight, your TV turns on, and you stare into a blindingly bright room. There are studio lights visible in the frame, and by the shadows visible from your screen, you know there are lights positioned behind the camera too.

There are multiple cameras shooting at all angles, and as you watch the video, it flips from what is shown on one camera to another. One is a cell phone camera, another a point and shoot digital camera, and there are multiple DSLRs, with varying lens lengths around the room.

In the center of the chaos, there sit two Lydias on stools. On the left, Shadow Lydia's eyes crinkle in sick delight, and her smile's curve has a nasty edge to it. Lydia sits next to her, arms crossed, annoyed and resentful.

Shadow Lydia begins to speak. ]

Let's play a game. No, not reasons Lizzie Bennet is perpetually single, though that one is fun too. No, tonight we've got an even better vlog for you! Top five reasons why Lydia Bennet is a worthless waste of space!

[ Lydia opens her mouth to speak, but Shadow Lydia quickly turns and raises a finger to her lips. ]

Ah ah ah! You've had your moments to shine, and what have you done with them? Completely wasted it. It's my turn.

SO! Reason One: Lydia Bennet can't pass a college course to save her life. What the hell do you think you're doing? Playing whack a mole in class? Yeah, because that's DEFINITELY going to help you go far in life. Yup. Everybody can't wait to have someone in their life who is incapable of remembering what judicial review is.

[ Again, Lydia tries to interrupt and is shut down. ]

No, you don't know the answer, because I don't know the answer. Don't try to pretend. Fake doesn't look very good on you, dear Lydia.

AGAIN! Reason Two: You need to get a clue. You really think that anyone wants to be around you for you? They're all holding their breath, waiting for the inevitable moment where you crash and burn. They want to be there to laugh at you, not to help you up.

And that boyfriend of yours? GOD, get a clue! He's just like Lizzie - he wants to be there and to tell you how to live your life so that he can feel better about himself when he has to scrape you up off the floor when you've made a fool of yourself.

And you know what? That brings me to Reason THREE: Do you really think you're good enough for him? I mean, just look at you. You're pathetic. You're so desperate for attention, you'd have had just about anyone on this island. You're lucky someone like him even bothered to look your way twice. I honestly don't know why he did. Maybe it's that hero complex of his - he's just trying to prove he's not going to be Victorious. Yeah. That's gotta be it. Geez, you're so lame-o to fall for his pity.

[ At this, Lydia finally gets a word in edgewise. ]

STOP IT! You can't just say stuff like that about Vicks -- he's not like that -- He's too good for that. And people LIKE me, or they wouldn't be around me. Nathan is totes for real my friend and--

[ Shadow Lydia interrupts. ]

Oh, really, you're going to bring Nathan into this? Yes, let's pick the young man whose questionable morals are only rivaled by Lau. That's a perfect defense of your character.

[ Lydia opens her mouth, closes it, opens, closes - then begins to pout. ]

I thought so.

Reason Number Four: You're really just going to spend every waking day doing nothing but online shopping, hanging out at your boyfriend's place, and maybe - just maybe - going to classes? You are pathetic. Seriously, what part of your day adds any value to society?

And finally, Reason Five: Really, what part of you is good, anyway? You don't have superpowers, and you can't even manage to turn into a proper dragon. You're frivolous, selfish, vacuous, vain, and to top it all off, a complete and total idiot. Really, if we turned this into the Hunger Games, you'd be the first to die, and you know it. You should just leave and let the smart Lydia fill the totes amazeball quota for the island.

[ Shadow Lydia smiles viciously at Lydia. ]

Well, what do you have to say for yourself? Nothing? That's right, there's not much to argue with, is there? Why don't we let you and our lovely viewership mull over this. After all, we'll be here a while, I'm sure.

I mean, who would want to save a waste of space like you?

[ The feed is interrupted, and ends abruptly. ]

Comments

[reanimated]

My morals are hardly questionable, I was the normal one on my team!

[reanimated]

I mean why the fuck are you in there love, come on out now. I hate it when I'm right.

jackies here and says victor is passed out on sleeping meds

[totesadorbz]

Sorry, Lydia can't come to the phone right now. She's too busy trying to justify her existence.

fsdlkjfsRKJDS HAHA OOPS!!!!!!

[reanimated]

Yeah, who hasn't been there at this point? Seriously I think more than half the island's done this song and dance. So what, you secretly hate yourself? Get in the queue, love.

[totesadorbz]

Yes, well, this one will be different. Lydia's going to make herself useful for once and stay in here.

[reanimated]

What, cos everyone's better off without you? THIS WAS ONLY FUNNY WHEN I DID IT

[reanimated]

Between you and me I really don't want to have to pull Robocop out of yet another depressed slump so, y'know. Don't get too comfortable, yeah?

[totesadorbz]

He'll find someone better.

[subspaceflowers]

Look. No one's perfect. But it's those imperfections that make us who we are. If we were all cookie-cutter Stepford wives, it'd all be really boring and dumb. Some people are just happy being themselves.. doing what makes them happy. And if they're not hurting anyone, then what's so bad about it?

[totesadorbz]

You really think being a parasite of society doesn't hurt anyone?

[subspaceflowers]

Hey, it's not like she asked to be here or anything. They kidnapped her and fed her a bunch of bullcrap about being fictional and then gave her money and a place to stay. Anyone would. Most people do.

[totesadorbz]

I've always been like this.

[subspaceflowers]

If that were really part of who you are, would anyone willingly hang out with you? I mean, I like you. You're nice and funny, and totally sweet.

[totesadorbz]

Maybe you're worthless too. I mean really, delivery girl?

[subspaceflowers]

Not everyone can get big important jobs in big fancy offices. I bring people things, they sign for it and I'm on my way. I make people happy. What's the problem with that, other than not being very glamorous?

[notvictorious]

I am going to kill Nathan for giving me that shit.

[totesadorbz]

Are you high? Vicks, you're the only non-waste of space in our friends group. Don't let him drag you down with the rest of us!

THIS ORDER IS SUSPECT

[notvictorious]

One; Don't talk about my best friend like that, and two; don't talk about my girlfriend like that either.

[reanimated]

Oh, I'm fucking swooning. In fairness, man, she's not WRONG.

[notvictorious]

We can talk about this later.

[totesadorbz]

You're going to wake up one of these days and realize it's true, and then where does that leave me?

[notvictorious]

I'm not leaving her.

[detectivewonder]

Lydia. I know the rest of us can't reason with your Shadow, so I'm not going to bother trying. But you can. If it's letting you hear what we're saying... we're on the way. Souji's never let anyone down yet, and he won't start now.

[totesadorbz]

Very cute to have such faith in her. But you've seen what she's like.

[detectivewonder]

And I've been where she is. I know better than to argue with you.