"It's the holidays, let's play nerdy games cos that'll get the ladies juiced" YOU KNOW WHAT? NO.

[reanimated]

I can't believe I have to do this.

ATTENTION
LADIES OF NEW MOORE

You may have heard of my good friend Victor. Wellllllll he's got a bit of a problem. Y'see I really hate to be the one to break the bad news, and please don't shoot the messenger here — no really, don't shoot the messenger, I haven't died in a few weeks and I'm feeling pretty great about it — but he's come down with this horrible incurable disease. I know! Depressing, right? But dry your tears and listen up. It's called terminal virginity. I believe its original name in Latin was Incurablii Lamenessus but it's been a while since I cracked open the books on that one.

Anyway it's really very tragic and if one of you fine women doesn't step up, take one for the team and GET HIM LAID soon, he's going to die alone surrounded by... what the fuck is that. A paper mache griffin?

Oh god, it's already spread to his brain. Soon enough he'll be an unshaggable vegetable!

Look, I can't stand idly by and watch this kill the poor sap. So who's going to take a gander at the Robocock and see if they like the goods?

Comments

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[notvictorious]

This is not helping! I don't even want a girlfriend right now.

[reanimated]

Who said anything about a girlfriend? Look, I'm saving you from starting your holidays off with playing pretend dragons with a bunch of prepubescent kids AGAIN, this is practically heroic.

[notvictorious]

Just for that, I'm not sharing my new haul of video games.

[reanimated]

I'm all broken up inside, really.

[notvictorious]

There's even one I think you'd actually be good at, but you don't want to play, so I'll just throw it out.

[reanimated]

Please, you never throw that shit out. What is it? That's purely bored curiosity asking by the by.