two | need a job done?

[thneed]

Hello, New Moore. [ he's singing. prepare yourselves. ]

Guess what? I've got some awesome things in store.

There I was with a guitar I had begun to fix and a socks decorated with a rabbit that steals Trix... when I came up with an opportunity for you-- Yes, you! See, I am an inventor and quite the handyman. Oh, I'm quite skilled if I do say so.

I would like to offer to do various things you need me to do!
It's so I can get funding for revolutionary-inventions that I will make with the best intentions. They'll be awesome and great and so worth the wait.

So! Need some work done? Hire me! You can't go wrong, just you see! I can repair, paint your apartment- give it some flair, make you a hat, babysit the cat, and write you a jingle! A jingle that'll get you a date so you won't be single!

I can also cook! Don't need a book. Breakfast foods that give good moods, lunch so good - eat it all, you would! And the dinner from your wishes. I'll also do the dishes.
And believe me when I say I can bake. You'll never have a more amazingest cake.

For any task, all I ask is payment of small size so an investment in this will be quite wise! Just a couple of dollars-- about enough to buy dog collars.

If you need nothing done but you think I'm good fun, you can donate on your own to throw me a bone.

Comments

[callbacks]

orly
but what can you get the guy that has everything

[thneed]

Oh ho! But you don't have everything yet because you don't have my product.

[callbacks]

is it an mp3 player

[thneed]

No.

[callbacks]

just wondering
the way youre cagily avoiding calling it anything but a product sort of reminded me of apple
if were playing twenty questions ive still got nineteen shots left
if i win do i get a free sample

[thneed]

What apple?
Sure, I could do that. You get one for free if you get it right. And samples of whatever else I may invent later.

Nineteen questions to go. You're probably not going to get it.

[callbacks]

is it bigger than a breadbox

[thneed]

Yes but it can fit in one.

[callbacks]

[callbacks]

does it bend spacetime in any way

[thneed]

What?

...Not that I'm aware of.

[callbacks]

is it a puppet

[thneed]

Sometimes.

[callbacks]

i dont want it

[thneed]

Why? You don't even know what it is.

Socks could be puppets but people want socks! Don't drop it because of that.

[callbacks]

is it a sock
like a giant sock that you could stuff a breadbox in

[thneed]

It could be used as a sock that you could stuff a breadbox in.

[callbacks]

[...]

is it a cozy

[thneed]

Yes! Incredibly so.

[callbacks]

no not a
whatever never mind
so its like a clothing thing

[thneed]

Oh wait like a teacozy? Sorry. --It can be one of those. That can be a free question.

Kinda.

[callbacks]

uh
well its a cloth thing at least right

[thneed]

Yes, that would be right.

[callbacks]

some kind of hollow multipurpose cloth thing that you can wear or chuck a breadbox into
does it come in red

[thneed]

You can do more than that but yeah close enough.
And yes.