two | need a job done?

[thneed]

Hello, New Moore. [ he's singing. prepare yourselves. ]

Guess what? I've got some awesome things in store.

There I was with a guitar I had begun to fix and a socks decorated with a rabbit that steals Trix... when I came up with an opportunity for you-- Yes, you! See, I am an inventor and quite the handyman. Oh, I'm quite skilled if I do say so.

I would like to offer to do various things you need me to do!
It's so I can get funding for revolutionary-inventions that I will make with the best intentions. They'll be awesome and great and so worth the wait.

So! Need some work done? Hire me! You can't go wrong, just you see! I can repair, paint your apartment- give it some flair, make you a hat, babysit the cat, and write you a jingle! A jingle that'll get you a date so you won't be single!

I can also cook! Don't need a book. Breakfast foods that give good moods, lunch so good - eat it all, you would! And the dinner from your wishes. I'll also do the dishes.
And believe me when I say I can bake. You'll never have a more amazingest cake.

For any task, all I ask is payment of small size so an investment in this will be quite wise! Just a couple of dollars-- about enough to buy dog collars.

If you need nothing done but you think I'm good fun, you can donate on your own to throw me a bone.

Comments

[maiditoutalive]

maybe this is a rude question but
why dont you just try to make some money singing?
or rapping if you just like to rhyme

[thneed]

I suppose I could change the world with song...

[maiditoutalive]

you might need more than one song
but anything is possible
especially since you were not maimed or killed looking for the monster traces
you might have a whole full life to work on it now

[thneed]

Me not being maimed and alive is a very good point coming from a most trustworthy person like yourself.

I do write songs all the time so I have way more than one. It could work.

[maiditoutalive]

i promised you i would not lie!
it would have to be dire straits for me to consider deceiving you i swear
besides what would be the point of sending you to your death if you didnt want to die?
i think that would be rather rude of me

yes it could
you would have to put together a band though i think
bands are always more popular than young men singing wistful songs with a larger demographic i think
somebody would have to know about that
maybe dave or his scratched session bro?

[thneed]

People are usually rude when they want you to die but that's very considerate of you.

A band? I guess if a larger demographic would come of it...
Does Dave play an instrument?

[maiditoutalive]

that is a very human thing of you to say
you are all so squeamish about death and dying
it is kind of interesting and kind of sad

dave does something weird with records
i may have also heard him strike a beat with nothing but his hands and his mouth but i am not sure that counts as an instrument or really any kind of musical talent

[thneed]

That's me. Very human guy saying very human things.
We tend to hate dying. It's something I like to avoid.

Is he a DJ? A beatboxing DJ?

[maiditoutalive]

you should try to be less narrow minded about it!
dying can be a really positive experience if you do it right

i think that is what he would call himself
i have never seen any djing credentials though

[thneed]

I have a lot of living to do and I'm not really looking to make dying a positive experience. Or an experience at all until I'm really old.

I'll have to ask him about it.

[maiditoutalive]

yes you should do that
but dont tell him i sent you
he would be made i insisted on having you do things the proper way by demanding his papers

[thneed]

Sure, I won't tell.
He doesn't like getting asked for credentials, huh?

[subspaceflowers]

Dude. I'll totally give you a good reference. You did awesome on my bass.

[thneed]

Thank you! I'd really appreciate that. If you ever need anything for it later on let me know.

[callbacks]

what do you need dog collars for

[thneed]

I don't. It just went with the rhyme.

[callbacks]

oh yeah i get that
were all slaves to our art
i dont know though that one was kind of stretching it
baller rhymes with dollar
and caller
dress up doll-er
if youre hawking your stall-er you should holler for the mall-ers
before demand gets smaller
and competition gets taller

[thneed]

It got you to question why I would need collars though, didn't it? Piques interest. Clever, right?

[callbacks]

i guess so
so on a scale from right wing radical to france at the corner of the eighteenth century how revolutionary would you say your inventions are going to be
what are you even making

[thneed]

I'm not sure how to judge on your scale. Hm- Taking the guillotine without it?
I'm making things you'll definitely need.

[callbacks]

orly
but what can you get the guy that has everything

[thneed]

Oh ho! But you don't have everything yet because you don't have my product.

[callbacks]

is it an mp3 player

[thneed]

No.

[callbacks]

just wondering
the way youre cagily avoiding calling it anything but a product sort of reminded me of apple
if were playing twenty questions ive still got nineteen shots left
if i win do i get a free sample