thoughtformed | [Video to Connor, but guess who forgot to make it private]

[Oh God. Welp. Here goes nothing.]

Typically, blokes know when they get an STD. But it might be a good idea to get you to a clinic to have you checked out, just in case.

And... that's hard to say. Depends on her cycle. Best wait a month since it happened, ask if she got her period, and if she says no? Hope she slept with someone else and it's his kid.

[Best. Advice. Ever.]

[For a few moments, there's just a lot of staring as he processes.

This is much, much more complicated than he thought it would be.]

I -- I'll talk to her, before going to any doctors. ... I don't trust doctors. Especially not the ones here. But I'll talk to her. I think it's fine. I've never been sick. I'm not sure I can get sick.

I wouldn't like it if she'd slept with someone else.

You don't have to feel sick to have an STD. Maybe you'd be spared from HIV or something, I dunno, but I still don't know about the other shit. There's a lot. It's why I used to only pick, clean-looking, wealthy-looking guys to sleep with; if I did get something from them, at least they'd pay to get it treated.

[Okay, that was something she didn't want to admit, and it shows on her features. For now, she'll move on though.]

If you really mean that, better ask her if it meant anything to her while you're at it. If she didn't put any planning into it, the odds don't look very good. I know I certainly didn't give a flying fuck that one year in college when Rudy lost his virginity to me in a one night stand. Yeah, I hate myself for it now, especially with him being here now, but I really didn't care back then.

[FUCK. That was definitely something on the "tell absolutely no one" list.]

Shit. Just. Shit. Please forget I just said that.

[The look he gives the feed is more than a little judgmental, something he's sure to regret once this is over.]

That's how you chose who you had sex with? Not because it meant something to you?

... I'll ask her.

[His expression darkens considerably. He's processing all that he's being told, but so much of it, he just doesn't know how to address. His lack of experience in this area isn't helping him to sort through the conflicting thoughts and feelings he's finding himself bombarded with.]

I'll keep your secret.

[So long as Rudy doesn't talk to him during this honesty spell.]

[She knows that look. All she had to do was walk down the hall of her old college and she'd get more than a handful of glares along the same line. Needless to say, she can't keep the guilt and regret from crossing across her own features. Shame even pitifully glistens in her eye.]

Please don't look at me like that; I'm not that person anymore, alright? I couldn't be, even if I wanted to. Which I don't, but the point still stands.

....Now that cat's out of the bag, if things go sour when you talk to Rose... I'll be here to listen if you need it. Though judging by your expression, you probably won't want to. [She glances down.] I can't exactly blame you.

[Relief smooths out her features a tiny bit, though with such a change in his, she can't help but feel uneasy about talking with him. She might have ruined things for herself -for a friendship- yet again.]

Thanks.

I'm sorry. I didn't -- I didn't mean to. I don't know what I thought. I didn't know you then, but I know you now. I like the Alisha I know now. That's what's really important. Okay?

[It was an honest apology, at least, if bumbling, his features touched with regret.]

Of course I'll want to. You've been... you've helped me a lot since I first came here. Even if you might not think so.

I'm sorry, Alisha.

You wouldn't be the first person to look at me like that, you know. I dunno how I never let it bother me before. [Now, it hurts, enough that she wishes she could change the past; however, she nods, grateful and far more than relieved for his change in tone.

She takes a deep breath and puts on a much more pleasant countenance, even if her previous emotions still heavily leak through.]

Glad to know I've actually done some good, then; maybe it'll counteract some the shit I've done, like karma or something.

And... it's alright. Bit weird not having my record or reputation follow me here, actually. You couldn't have expected it.

We've all done things we regret. I know that better than most people. I've done awful things, Alisha. Much worse than that. I have no right to look at you as anything but a friend, and that's exactly what I'm going to do.

[Well, at least the truth-telling epidemic has made him slightly more verbose, in places.]

And it bothers you now. Someone else here told me that's a good sign. It means you're learning.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't fucking glad. That's actually really nice of you; can't think of too many people who'd do the same. [She manages a small smile.] Really, thanks.

[She takes a moment to think about his words.] I've known wot I did was shit. It's just... now I actually have to deal with it face to face.

Who you are now is more important than who you used to be. That's what I think, anyway. It's something I'd like to believe in for myself, too.

[He looks thoughtful for a moment, then nods, his expression sympathetic.]

It can't be easy. I'm sorry. But you're strong. One of the strongest people I know. You can do this.

[More relief crosses over into her features; frankly, she's more than relieved about his opinion.]

I'm really not that strong. It's mostly a front because I can't stand people dicking around with me.

There are different kinds of strength, you know. Even if it's putting on a strong front, that's still something. You're just trying to protect yourself.

No one's ever put it that way before. [From the tone of her voice, it's easy to tell she's pleasantly surprised.]

...Now that I think about it, that's kind of the only way I can really "protect myself." Had a shit record, had a shit reputation, and even if I wanted to and could actually smack something without my power going off, I'd probably be shit at that too. Not exactly known for a good left hook or anything.

[That's a bit of thinking aloud, but now that he knows more than even her fellow ASBO probationers know about her (perhaps excluding Rudy), she doesn't mind him hearing. If anything, she trusts him more now than before, especially to not go around repeating anything she says.]

[Connor nods slowly, considering that. If it wouldn't trigger her power, he could easily teach her how to fight. It's what he knows best. That doesn't seem to be an option at the moment, but he'll see to it that Alisha doesn't need to fight on her own. She's wound up on the short list of people he'll go out of his way to protect.]

It's a better way to protect yourself than you think. If you don't let people see that they can hurt you, they'll stop trying. That's what I think, anyway.

I hope you're right... you probably are. I mean, it's worked pretty well in the past, but I dunno about this place.

There's so much weird shit going on... people saying I'm supposed to be dating this creeper kid from back home or that I died. Then there was that whole memory thing, on top of people with powers. Now all this Jeremy Kyle revelation shit. Hard to tell whether or not acting like I don't give a fuck will keep on working.

[Rudy -well, one of the Rudys- has already seen through her walls, picking up on things she never thought he'd notice. If he can do it... who knows who else could.]

I think I'm lucky... that there's nobody I know from home here. I don't think I'd want to know what other people think I should or shouldn't be doing because they think they know my future or something like that. That seems to happen a lot around here.

I don't know a lot of people, but I listen well. And I watch.

Maybe they know things that haven't happened to you yet. Or maybe they're from some different timeline. I've heard that happens, too. But it shouldn't matter. We're here now. Not home. Whatever happened or might still happen where we come from...

It doesn't matter anymore, does it?

Now is what matters.

Yeah, it sucks pretty hard hearing about "the future" over and over again. For the best that you don't have to deal with it too.

[As she listens to every word with utmost care, she can feel something bubble up within her heart. For several long moments as he finishes speaking, she doesn't even realize what she feels, not until the serene sense of relief finishes overflowing and completely washes over her. Yes, it was true that she had already felt "relief" conversing with him today, but it wasn't like this. Not in the least.

A fresh start, forgiveness, a step in a new direction, at the very least, a chance to have things turn out different than how Rudy, Nathan, or Simon had said they would. Though she didn't recognize the former longing to be reassured, his words are exactly what she wanted and needed to hear. A small, gracious smile pulls on her lips.]

You're right. You're absolutely right.

[Her voice is willingly sincere, soft with an amicable admiration. Congratulations, Connor; you've successfully gained her true favor and trust far quicker than any of her other friends.]

Thanks... for saying all that.

For everything, actually. Especially when there's all this shit going on; you might not realize it, but you've already pulled through for me more than anyone else has in a long time, even before this place. No matter wot anyone says... you're a good person.

Edited 2013-01-19 01:39 (UTC)

[Really, when given the opportunity, Connor is an insightful young man. He sees other people for what they are, and he gives reasonably good advice... he just so happens to be terrible at applying it to himself, unfortunately. But seeing Alisha smile seems to do him some good, and he smiles in reply, reserved though it may be, but there's the smallest hint of that open boyishness that Alisha had the pleasure to witness when he was without his memories.]

This place is better for me than home would have been, and part of that is because I can make my own future. We all can. We should remember that.

We're not free. But we have a fresh start.

[His cheeks color slightly as he processes her thanking him. Only one other person has ever spoken to him that way. He never expected to see many similarities between Alisha and Cordelia, but they're there -- and they're there where it counts.]

I'm glad that... that you think that. You've helped me, too. ... thank you.

[Based off of first impressions, Connor would have been the last person she'd expect could cheer her up, much less actually make her feel decent about herself --something that even her "closest" friends were never quite able to do. But here he was, continually proving that impression wrong.]

I can settle for a fresh start; that'll work plenty well for me.

[Her smile only grows warmer as she takes in both his own smile and that slight blush. It's almost... cute.]

Guess we're even then, yeah?

[And just like that, his smile turns into an all-out grin, and while it looks almost complete foreign on his face, he seems to light up with that simple shift in expression. It's rare, but probably something he should do a lot more often.]

Yeah. I'd say we're even.

Good; I hate owing people shit.

[She grins back, matching his expression, legitimately happy to see a brighter countenance on him.]

And this turned out a lot better than I thought it would. [Especially when she started revealing things she didn't plan on sharing.]

Don't worry about it. You don't owe me anything.

[If anything, he feels he owes her, really. She's been pretty patient with him -- all things considered. That's more than most people back home would have done, except for Cordy. That's how he sees it, anyway.]

I'm glad. Do you feel better, now that you've told me?

Didn't think so.

[She grins, but then thinks for a moment, weighing her own thoughts and emotions.]

Yeah, I guess I feel better. I mean, it's not like I ever wanted anyone to know that shit about me. I'm just glad out of everyone that could have found out, it was you. Nathan probably wouldn't have taken it very seriously... and probably would have never let me live it down, either. Rudy already knew, so... I don't think he counts. Simon... I don't even want to think about that little creep.

...Definitely glad it was you.

[He's definitely blushing, st that. Coming from Alisha, that's pretty high praise. She doesn't seem to be free with the compliments, generally.]

Well. I won't hold it against you, and I won't tell anyone. It's your business, not theirs. Hearing all that, I'm glad it was me, too.

Is he really a creep? These people are supposed to be your friends, right?

[That's because she isn't; when she does hand out compliments, it's usually begrudgingly. Enjoy it while you can, Connor.]

Like I said, you're a good person.

And yeah, he is. Guess I might have used "friends" a bit liberally. We were all in the same ASBO group, and we all went through a bunch of storm-shit together, yeah. But I'm not close with Simon. Like, at all.

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