thoughtformed | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

As amazing as it was to have so many new faces in town, it's much calmer without the crowds. Welcome to the few who stayed! If you have any questions that didn't get answered in that hullaballoo, I'd be more than happy to try and answer what I can.

Ah, otherwise, if you're interested in a job, the police station is hiring a night-shift dispatcher and they're always looking for more qualified officers!

[Private Audio: Sirius]

[Subdued and thoughtful, Sheska's voice is softer than it usually is when she contacts him. More serious. The last time she sounded like this was probably around the time she mentioned Mr. Hughes in casual conversation.]

Do you think I might be able to stop by the shop and talk this evening? I think I need some advice.

[Private Text: The Once-ler]

Can I ask you a question? I need some advice.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You don't know what happened? [Red flags, they are rising all over the place.]

Sheska, love, do you like that bloke?

[To his credit he is trying not to sound too judgmental as he asks that. He is at least slightly aware that his own intense dislike of Rudy is partly fueled by the rivalry they seem to have going in regards to Alisha.]

Was he still sweet and kind to you when you met at the bar?

I... I remember some of it very well, but patches are... well, it's fuzzy at best.

[She glances away, shifting uncomfortably under his concern. The "L" word makes the color rise in her cheeks and she takes her hands away from the cup so their shaking doesn't rattle the china.]

That's part of what I'm trying to find out. He... He was... different. Sometimes he was sweet and complimentary and relaxed, and I could almost see him as a child, sitting across from me! But... sometimes he was sharper, and... almost meaner. More dismissive. And when he was gentler, it was really nice, and I.... I liked him. I'm not sure what happened to him to make him change like that.

Life does that to people. I've changed a lot from when I was young.

Maybe it'd be better if you just got to know him the way he is now before taking things any further?

[Sirius watches her carefully, since he suspects that maybe things have been taken further than they ever should have.]

I know Rudy a bit, I don't like him much. Rude, obnoxious shit. Doesn't mean he's not capable of being nice, but... Just make sure he really is nice, not just pretending so you'll like him.

[She shifts uncomfortably, flushing and unable to meet his eye. The silence draws out, stretching almost to the breaking point before she speaks again, very quietly.]

....If he can pretend that well, I'm not sure I'd be able to tell.

[He nods, and then finally reaches out to take her hand in his.]

If he makes you feel this unsure, Sheska, then... Trust is the most important thing. Lack of trust can...

[Kill your friends if it's the wrong bloke you mistrust.]

Just. Don't give a bloke a chance at having you if you don't trust him to deserve it.

[She can't hide the nervous trembling this way, but she can't deny that she's been hoping he might do that.]

I did trust him. Implicitly. And he was careful! He didn't want me to be hurt. Sirius, I don't want to hurt him.

[She can't stop the anguish from leaking into her tone, and bites her lip.]

This is about a bit more than pleasing him, Sheska. You have to figure out what you want for your own sake, not for his. No one wants a girlfriend out of pity. [He pauses for a moment, then shrugs.] Well, at least no one should want it. And you should be with whoever you really want to be with. With whoever you feel comfortable around. Whoever won't push you into anything you don't feel ready for.

Oh, Sirius, I hardly know what I want! I didn't think this would ever happen to me and now that it has... I-I don't want to mess things up. What if this is my only chance?

[She gently took back her hand to tuck her hair back behind her ears, looking a little sick.]

It's selfish of me, but I-I can't help but wonder...

Let me tell you something: It's not your only chance. It won't be your only chance.

Don't go for someone because you're settling. Only settle with someone you truly want.

I-I guess Koizumi did just ask... Goodness only knows why... Rudy isn't my only choice, I suppose.

[Sheska runs her hands over her face, making a little distressed sound in the back of her throat.]

How did this even happen? How do you make a choice like that?

I really don't know, Sheska, I've never been good with things like this.

But I've seen people in love, really in love, amazing, sweet, wonderful people like you and I'm sure that when you make your choice, you will just be sure as well. They just knew.

Surely you've had some experience... [She sounds absolutely wretched, unaware that the phrase might hurt.] Everyone wants to be with you - they certainly must have plagued you at school - how did you turn them down? Or break up with someone? This is so far beyond me... What if you like someone, but you're already with someone else? And the second person asks you out? Maybe I should just give up on dating. It's all so complicated. I could only dream of something so pure as to be able to just know like that.

Look, Sheska, love, I... You really don't want to live up to my example. In anything. I'm sure there are worse examples somewhere out there, but I couldn't think of any.

I just know that you deserve to be happy. And you deserve someone special to make you happy. I'm sure it will happen to you, maybe when you least expect it. Don't force it, love. You'll find the right one.

Nonsense... [To what part of that speech she's referring is unclear, and she doesn't clarify, sighing and murmuring something about not being cut out for this under her breath.]

Did I... Did I tell you that I had someone else ask me? I don't understand how it keeps happening.

Who else asked you out, love? And, to be honest, what I can't understand is how this hasn't happened a thousand times before already.

[She could give him a list as long as her arm, but somehow she thinks that was rhetorical.]

Itsuki Koizumi. Your roommate, I think, actually... I don't... really understand.

Ah...

Huh. Well. Do you like him?

I... [She bites her lip, looking guilty.] I think so? I hadn't really thought about it much, but... The more I think about it, the more I think it's true. I don't know what to do.

Well... The obvious thing to do would be spending more time with him, don't you think? See if you feel the sparks.

[She looks up at him, startled. She hadn't thought of that. She'd asked if she could have some time to think about it.]

But isn't it... isn't it better this way? To have some space so things couldn't get in the way?

...what things could get in the way of what how?

[Right. Nouns. Proper nouns. And descriptors.]

I-I mean, if I spend more time with him, wouldn't that, er, taint the study, as it were? What if I focus so hard on seeing if there are sparks that I imagine sparks where there aren't any? O-or thinking there are more sparks than there are?

Do you think our friendship would improve greatly if we stopped interacting?

What? No! B-but I'm not... [She goes pink. Again. And goes back to watching her hands.] I-I'm not... Y-you're not asking... asking me out. Either.

Er, no, I'm not. [...this isn't going as intended.] I just mean, you're not going to figure out if you like someone and if you want to be with them by not being with them.

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action