thoughtformed | open dream logs for Eleven & Koizumi

Koizumi runs from the blue giants, tears flowing freely down his face as he wonders just where the future had gone wrong. The feelings of fear and guilt and sorrow and helplessness are nearly overwhelming, as he dodges around monsters and shadows to get away. The wounds on his chest and his side are screaming from exertion, and he can feel the poison slipping into him, setting his veins on fire - but he can't stop or they'd all be on him in seconds.

The future is chaotic, fire and screams filling the air. Koizumi draws in a sharp breath as he sees a small child being ripped apart by a pack of feral wolves, almost jumping into the fray - but he chokes back a sob and turns away, furious with himself even as he knows there was nothing he could do. It was already too late.

Edited 2014-03-03 20:25 (UTC)

With the abruptness that sometimes comes in dreams, Sheska finds herself stumbling out of a cracked door frame into the chaos in the street, completely bewildered. Where...? New Moore? The helplessness and guilt are so common now that she hardly notices its weight on her shoulders, but the fear catches her in the chest and rocks her back into the protection of the arch.

A faceless blue giant - when had those arrived? - swings an arm and one of the taller buildings practically explodes in a shower of rubble. Screams and crying assault her and she briefly shakes her head, covering her ears until she can make more sense of what she's seeing. This isn't right. None of it's right. The fear is becoming stronger, on the verge of transmuting into panic, and she can't figure out what to do. A child's screams cut off abruptly and she flinches, almost missing Koizumi as he runs by.

His clothes are ripped and burned and she calls after him on instinct: "Itsuki, wait!"

Koizumi is about to cut down an alleyway when all of a sudden he hears Sheska calling to him. The dream echoes with waves of hope and confusion and panic as he turns, looking wildly for the source of the voice. His eyes slide right past her, but before there's time to question it, the world blurs and their surroundings fade.

There are a great many images and thoughts and emotions that slur past them in a dim haze, but eventually the world resolves itself. They're back on the street, right where they were - but New Moore is eminently more recognizable, and blessedly devoid of monsters and phantasms.

Koizumi's eyes find hers and widen in joy and relief. The day grows brighter, and he exhales, still breathless. "Sheska...!"

He's the single solid point in this shifting world, for a moment she's afraid that the ground will dissolve out from under her, like it does in her dreams, and she'll be cast down into the darkness, but then everything settles. Sheska nearly cries aloud in relief at the sight of New Moore, whole and bright.

And his voice. His expression.

It catches her hard under the breastbone and for a moment she can't breathe, stepping forward and reaching out to try and catch hold of him. She desperately wants to reassure herself that he's all right.

"Oh, thank goodness you're all right!"

He reaches out towards her, leaning - and then he rushes forward with several quick steps, as if a dam had broken. Both arms extended for a comforting embrace, he moves toward...

And then right through her. When she turns, he will in fact be embracing Sheska - the Sheska that had been standing a few feet behind her. She was hugging him back fiercely, eyes scrunched shut and an expression of mixed worry and relief on her face.

There's a great exaltation to the moment, a feeling of goodness, of things being right with the world that had started when he'd laid eyes on her and crescendoed into the embrace. The anger and confusion and panic gradually fade away.

There's something about that Sheska - there's a light to her. A clarity, a focus. Everything else, the world outside the two of them, seems dim and peripheral - even when you look straight at it. It's as if the world has narrowed to the one point of contact between them - and nothing else was important.

Her heart is full to bursting, her own joy amplified by that which flows around her and then... Then he moves through her and she stops cold.

The shock of it is a sharp slap in face, and she stumbles when the resistance she expected simply isn't there. She turns, wondering if he'd meant to do that, and the words forming on her tongue die unspoken. It's... it's her.

But she's different, somehow. Puzzled, she steps closer, trying to ascertain what's wrong. This doppleganger is the right height, and her hair is just as ruffled and untameable as her own... Her glasses are the right shape, and the sweet depth of her care shines through as clearly as she's always suspected it must. She holds him just as Sheska herself would, slender fingers clutching his shirt on the one hand and spread across his shoulder blade in an gentle fan that said so much about how she wanted to keep him close. The changeling has it down perfectly, from the outfit that so flatteringly accentuated her hips to the cute way she always wound up pressing up onto her toes a little so that she could be closer to on a level with him.

Wait. She did? It was cute? But she doesn't think that. She's never-- but he does.

It's at that moment that Sheska realizes that this is a dream. Or something like one, anyway. This is Itsuki's dream, and these are his feelings - the way he sees her. Even if it's not entirely true, not to her mind, this is what he feels for her.

A quick, bright flush suffuses her face and her ears burn, and for a moment she can't look at the two of them, standing there in such obvious appreciation and love for one another. It feels... obscene, somehow. But they draw her eye, and even as embarrassed as she is, she has to watch, yearning for such a vision to be true, instead of a fantasy brought to life.

Koizumi leans in, holding her tightly, gently touching his forehead to hers. If Sheska is observant, she'll notice his injuries already fading - as her mere presence was a balm on his consciousness, warding away some of the painful memories of the past. He pulls back and smiles at her, eyes damp, pure joy and relief echoing through the air, as well as a general sense of goodness and comfort.

"I was so worried when I heard your voice... but you're all right now. And so am I, thanks to you." Their faces are close, and there's nothing Koizumi would like so much as to lean in and kiss her. His love, his desire, and his admiration for her shine through and permeate the scene - so intense as to be nearly overwhelming.

Despite these, however, after a long moment where it looks like a kiss will be next, he pulls back, the determination in him harder and stronger than steel - and somehow fed from his love for her, in addition to opposing it.

No matter what their feelings, it wouldn't be fair to her to act of them. There is a quick flash of memory, as he is brought back to that night when he rejected her, knowing it would not be fair to her, always having to put her third. Even now, with Lin doing better, she would never be able to be the most important person in his life.

She deserved more than he could offer her. No matter how much it hurt to admit - and it did hurt. It was a clean hurt, though - he bore no bitterness over how things had turned out. He hid the hurt, pushed it down to keep that smile for her. He wished he could be a better friend, but even if it would never be enough, he'd do what he could for her. Always.

Sheska can almost feel his forehead against hers, but she keeps further back, watching in wistful wonder. He's healing... So quickly and cleanly, and the strange emotion seeping into her almost against her will till she's smiling, tearing up with pleasure just seeing how happy they make one another. She doesn't quite understand it, his love, and especially his admiration, but... If eyes are said to be the windows to the soul, so dreams are said to be purest expression of the subconscious. He really does feel this way, as incomprehensible as that is.

She finds herself leaning in a little, sure that the next moment will be a kiss, and blinks in surprise when there isn't, making a soft sound of denial and disappointment. He wants it, she can feel it - it was so close! - and she definitely wants it! She can see it in her double's face, can feel it in the sharp twist of painful wistfulness in her own chest, but... But why? Why had he leaned back instead? It wouldn't be fair? What on earth? No! Here, in dreams, if not in life, he should be able to give in to that impulse--

The flash of memory is almost like a splash of cold water in her face, and she flinches back from it. Oh... Oh they had both been hurting so much, and he... He hadn't shown her even a fraction of the depth of it, had he? She's not sure what other people he'd have to put ahead of her, if that was what she had felt there, but he had it all wrong! She wouldn't mind... There are some commitments that have to come ahead of everything else. And it was clear that whomever it was, these people would absolutely be more important than her. Which was fine, really! She isn't that important anyway, no matter how blind he was in that regard. But oh, she shouldn't have let him go that night.

Watching him smile at the other Sheska, she bit her lip. The other woman didn't know. That was clear enough in her expression. And he did such a good job of hiding it that if it hadn't been for this, she never would have known. He didn't need to smile for her.

Edited 2014-03-16 05:42 (UTC)

The night is dark, the silver moonlight sharp and striking. The air is thick with worry, one of Lin's arms over Koizumi's back as he half-supports and half-drags her up the stairs. "We're almost there, Lin, don't worry. Just a little more."

Nobody seems to be paying much attention to what exactly he is saying, but his words are quiet and comforting. Though he presents a calm exterior, the fear and tension that permeate the atmosphere of the room somehow seem to belay his words and actions. He is nearly sick with worry - but for her sake, he is refusing to let it show.

He gets her in the door and over to the bed. When she starts trying - unsuccessfully - to take the armor off, he reaches for it, tenderly but firmly.

"Here, Lin. Let me help."

For a moment, Lin is completely caught up in the dream. It's one that she consistently experiences herself, and the trembling, the labored breathing, the lack of balance, is hideously familiar. She knows how much pain she was in, and being unexpectedly thrust into the same situation brings it back with alarming realism. But it's not quite as strong, not quite as all-consuming, and she hadn't had the time or concentration to be able to fear and worry. Not like this.

Her stomach clenches and she nearly vomits with the intensity of it, and when he reaches for her armor, she jerks back, defensive and paranoid in a way that she hadn't been at the time. And suddenly she's stumbling away from the bed, watching with wide eyes as Koizumi helps someone - helps her - out of the armor that had been so confining at the time.

Disoriented and steeped in bone-deep fear, the sight of him with someone who looked so much like her hits something that she'd thought well-buried, and she surges forward to try and shove him aside. Adrenaline and panic scream to get him out of the way - to get him out where she can't attack him, capture him, torture him.

She flows right through him as he gets her armor off and gets her to lay down on the bed. The undercurrent of tension and worry in the dream increases, though Koizumi doesn't show anything. He moves back - oblivious to Lin's second presence in the dream - and quickly searches the kitchen, coming back with several items he hopes might help.

Sitting on the bed beside her, he gently sponges her forehead with a damp washcloth, trying to determine whether she can focus. "Lin. Lin, can you hear me?" The other Lin is unresponsive, and the dream surges with a sense of grief and foreboding.

He bends down quietly to feel her pulse.

What in-- "Koizumi, don't!" she commands, again trying to grab his shoulders and pull him back, but her hands sink into him without any sign of resistance and she jerks away as if burned. He gets up and leaves the room, oblivious to her, and she stares, wide eyed, first at her hands, and then at the room. Her room. She knows what's coming. If there's some way to stop it, she has to try. But nothing she touches has any substance to it. Or maybe she doesn't.

She swears vehemently as he returns, but there's nothing she can do. Ghost, or dream, she's helpless, listening to her own breathing grow ragged and halting on the bed. He calls her name, and she responds automatically: "Koizumi, I'm here! Get away from her!" Nothing. He can't hear her.

The breath of the Lin on the bed fails, and Koizumi checks her pulse. She knew the outcome already. She was gone. She remembers, barely, the moment when her spirit stretched and broke from her body. It's what comes after that she fears.

How long was it before she killed him? Seconds? Hours? She has no way to guess, and no way to change the outcome from here.

Koizumi tries to find her pulse for several moments before his eyes widen in horrified realization. He sits frozen for several seconds - while time in the dream slows to a crawl - before his hand moves desperately to her chest feeling for a heartbeat. Nothing.

There is a long, quiet moment, with only the sound of his breathing as it begins to go ragged. The dreams picks up a frantic, despairing feeling as the ambient lighting grows darker. There's a sensation of suffocation, being unable to breath, as he takes in what's just happened. Then he leaps into action, quickly straddling her and moving his hands into position over her chest.

He begins CPR, motions quick and confident, despite the frantic feeling and the terrified look on his face. He continues this way for several minutes, though tears begin to stream down his face as he works, and the atmosphere takes on an inexorable, helpless feeling.

Long after it becomes clear this isn't working, that she's too far gone, he collapses - his breath to her turns into a kiss as he lays hunched over her, sobbing soundlessly. The room quietly turns hollow and oppressive, as he thinks about who they are and what they mean to each other. There have been so many missed opportunities - so many things he'll now never get to say.

His mouth breaks from hers, though he remains bent over, head falling to the side as he sobs, next to hers. He doesn't bother with anger, or pleas, or denial. There is simply grief, and loneliness - there is a hole in his life he never even knew he had, until she had filled it. Now it is vacant again, and he is alone.

This is new. Normally the vision would fade as she had, and return, hard and sharp-edged, with the taste of blood on her tongue and the feel of her fangs piercing flesh. This... This isn't hers. It isn't something she knows, and it isn't how she would have imagined it.

The clarity of his emotions as he begins to perform CPR is almost too much - too strong - and she rocks back a step, raising her arms as if assaulted. This isn't her memory, made clear, it's his. His dream, his senses feeding the sensation, his distress...

For a long moment, she just watches, stony-faced, her jaw working, as he tests, tries anew, and then swiftly goes to work attempting to revive her. There's no reason for her to hide her feelings: no one can see her, here, and there is no one to judge. It's a reflex. A coping mechanism, as much as anything. A way to keep herself clear-headed and in command while dealing with things. Maybe it's the intensity of his desperation and its descent into despair. Maybe it's realizing just how deeply his care for her runs. Maybe it's the shock of seeing that kiss... Maybe it's the sensation of her own emotions echoing his care so closely. But whatever it is, she lets the mask disintegrate.

Fine tremors run through her, and Lin folds her arms close, looking away. Suddenly it's far too intimate, even if she is one of the participants, in a strange way. She can't even comfort him. Or protect him. She can't tell him what a bad idea it is for him to be so attached to her. Or how much she finds herself wants....

She shakes her head, shifting to head out the door. If this is his dream, she's not sure where she could go, but presumably the rest of the apartment is out there. She shouldn't have seen this in the first place.

Suddenly Lin sits up with a motion that is very violent and completely unexpected. She doesn't really even cover the intersecting space - one moment she's dead, just lying on the bed, and the next her fangs are buried in Koizumi's neck.

Koizumi's eyes widen as her teeth sink into him, his body tensing, frozen, a look of utter surprise on his face. Several long moments pass with only the sound of drinking blood. Then Koizumi's body slowly starts to relax. His eyes close, and he wears a peaceful expression as tears of joy run down his face.

He can feel the pain in his neck, and his mind is starting to go dark, but that doesn't matter to him right now. She's alive - that is all he can think, his mind numb with shock and relief, as his body slowly leans forward against her and he drifts off into nothing.

Edited 2014-03-14 03:19 (UTC)

The sudden motion and sound are too much to ignore and Lin whips back around, hands twitching with the need to do something. She's killing him. Again. And yet again there's no way to touch him, to help him, to deny the creature that was her the satisfaction of bleeding him dry. Shaking, she steps forward on drunken legs, her nails biting into her bare palms as she resists the urge to try and put her fist through the vampire's face, right between those raging, inhuman eyes tinged red with the blood lust. He thinks she's alive - he's so dizzily happy and grateful - and she can't even tell him the truth of it.

She hangs her head, trying to focus on her breathing, sinking her hands into her hair and tightening them into fists that tug just enough to be painful. There's nothing she can do about this. Not right now. Her heart's hammering so fast. It's not real right now. It's in the past. She can't fight it. Adrenaline tries to convince her otherwise. It's already done. She could try till she goes mad and nothing will change. Breathe and let it pass by.

The darkness gathers, blurring the edges of the room, erasing the door, slowly closing in on the trio on and around the bed. Finally... Thank the spirits, it's over. It's over. Now she can wake up.

Edited 2014-03-23 04:32 (UTC)

The scene fades out, and there is a sensation of falling. After a time, they emerge into another scene - blurry at first, but it becomes apparent they're in the basement of a house neither of them will forget long before the scene moves into focus. At first, there is just the chair - the chair and the feelings of panic and doom that accompany it. The rest of the room slowly becomes clear, though the chair remains more solid and distinct - shrouded in an aura of malice that manifests in the dream as a layer of shifting shadow, impossibly resisting the lighting.

The concern for Lin Koizumi had been holding is overwhelmed as he staggers away from the chair, very nearly ill at the mere sight of it. He begins to climb the stairs, fighting nausea and having trouble standing. His newly restored wounds sear through him, throbbing in concert with the ambient pain and malice.

The door opens, and a lance of panic shoot through Koizumi that has nothing to do with his wounds or his aversion to this place. He doesn't want Lin to see him like this - that is made clear as he fights through the pain and nausea and tries to stand tall, though it is clear he would fall if not for the railing.

The door at the top of the stairs opens, and time slows as it reveals Lin standing there.

Edited 2014-03-23 18:26 (UTC)

No... Oh not this place. Not for him. She had thought, had hoped... no, she'd deluded herself into believing that he hadn't gotten all the way down here. That he hadn't seen... not in person.

Her own dread and renewed guilt meld seamlessly with his panic, and she takes a few steps back, uselessly raising an arm against the wave of malice. Nausea twists her stomach, but she bites down on the urge to retch and retreats from the scene of so many of her own nightmares. This time she doesn't have to watch the traps trigger, watch friends narrowly avoid injuries. But watching Koizumi struggle up the staircase is arguably more difficult. It wasn't that he'd hidden it particularly well. It was knowing that he hadn't been up to his usual standards of obfuscation and yet she had been so wrapped up in herself that she hadn't made the connection.

Following him up the stairs, she automatically holds herself to be able to brace and catch him should he fall, even though she instinctively knows she wouldn't be able to here any more than she had been able to affect him in that damned bedroom. She still wants to protect him.

A grimace twists her lips. She knows what's coming. She knows it all too well. The door handle turns above them and she looks up, clutching hard at the rail. Now it starts. And all she can do is hope that they won't be put through the whole episode.

oh what fun we could have...

The world goes grey and ethereal as they step through the barrier. The world, as always, takes on a slightly ominous feeling - as though there were a great presence there with them - though it is more alien than malevolent, and it seems oblivious to them.

Koizumi steps forward, bringing himself even with her, watching straight forward as several giants rise from the city in front of them. The mindless majesty of their existence seems to convey a great fear and frustration, an emotion so powerful that, if left unchecked, could tear apart the very fabric of their world.

"Looks like another bad dream." Koizumi then looks down at her with a small, confident smile. "Ready to stop it in its tracks?"

Hands on her hips, Aisling casts an appraising eye over the giants, and then grins fiercely up at her friend. "Of course! It won't last long with the two of us working together." She shakes back her hair with a laugh and dashes off, bouncing off of buildings and scaling sheer walls in a trice.

The Celestials are winding up, and as they begin to take out that frustration on their surroundings, the tiny, bright figure snatches up a trailing clothesline and flings herself out into empty space. For a moment, she is falling, hair flaring like a cloak behind her, and then the familiar sphere of scintillating energy crackles to life and she's streaking off at ridiculous speeds. Her sphere, tending more toward the green spectrum, zips about between the giants, drawing their attention - and their wrath.

open dream logs for Eleven & Koizumi

Aisling/the Doctor

Sheska/Koizumi

Re: Sheska/Koizumi

Re: Sheska/Koizumi

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Lin/Koizumi

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England/Eleven

Elsa/Koizumi

Carol/Doctor

Carol/Koizumi

Aisling/Koizumi

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