(no subject)

[squidissension]

for anybody wwho cares apparently a roommate showwed up

so i fished my fuckin self out of the ballpit hellhole no thanks to you fuckers

wwouldvve it havve been so hard to showw up BEFORE lights out

apparently

fef evven if youre still vvexed or wwhatevver come ovver

and yeah ill even deign to address the land fuckers

is evveryone on this island dead or just me fef and kar

Comments

[ihateyouetc]

JOHN

NOT THAT I DON'T APPRECIATE THE SENTIMENT OF HUMAN CAMARADERIE

BUT DON'T GET INVOLVED WITH THIS GUY

[riseup]

i don't want to, but then he keeps saying stuff like that.

[ihateyouetc]

HE SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME. JUST IGNORE IT.

BUT YEAH, THE WHOLE TRAITOR THING IS PRETTY FUCKING LOW EVEN FOR HIM.

[squidissension]

its got nothin to do wwith traitors wwe wwere goin to die wwe DID die gam is already killin people wwhen wwe both knoww my plan wwouldvve savved anybody wwilin to leavve all a that

[ihateyouetc]

DON'T PLAY THAT SHIT. YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT GAMZEE. AS FAR AS YOU KNEW, YOU WERE THE ONLY SHITHIVE PSYCHO

EVEN IF YOU DID KNOW IT, YOU ARE SO COMPLETELY STUPID I JUST GOT A HEADACHE READING THIS. NOIR WOULD'VE KILLED YOU THE SECOND YOU GOT THERE. TRUST ME, I KNOW THAT GUY.

[squidissension]

yeah youre the fuckin expert thats wwhy wwe livve on a rock trollin useless fuckin humans for no fuckin reason wwaitin to die

[ihateyouetc]

AWESOME, SO WE GOT THAT OUT OF THE WAY! NOW LET ME CRAM THIS DOWN YOUR INSATIABLE IGNORANCE SHAFT: THAT HAS JACK SHIT TO DO WITH KNOWING NOIR.

[squidissension]

so wwhat wwhy dont you explain the part wwhere you knowwin jack noir makes the plan of hidin anythin more than wwaitin for the inevvitable

[ihateyouetc]

YOUR GENIUS IDEA DESERVES SOME ATTENTION! HERE'S A SCREENPLAY OF HOW I IMAGINE THIS WORKING WHICH YOU'RE NOT GOING TO READ ANYWAY

WORKING TITLE: HOW TO COMMIT SUICIDE AND TAKE EVERYONE ELSE WITH YOU
TAGLINE: IT'S NOT ENOUGH THIS GUY IS "HOPEFUL" ENOUGH TO MAKE THE FUTURE OF CULLED WIGGLERS WHO GET TURNED INTO BRIGHTLY COLORED (AND IF CRAZY BLIND GIRLS ARE ANY INDICATION, FUCKING DELICIOUS!) CHALK LOOK LIKE AN ETERNITY IN PLEASANT BRIGHT LANDSCAPES WITH NO HORRIBLE OMNIPOTENT BEASTS IN SIGHT, BUT HE'S GOT TO GO APPLY HIS TWISTED LOGIC TO EVERYONE ELSE AND FUCK THINGS OVER FOR THEM

CHARACTER ROSTER

ERIDAN AMPORA AS MR. FUCKRUCKUS
KARKAT VANTAS AS THE VOICE OF SANITY AND REASON
JACK NOIR AS JACK NOIR
THE METEOR AS "THE METEOR"
EVERYONE ELSE AS UNIMPORTANT EXTRAS

INT "THE METEOR" - NIGHT (AS IT IS ALWAYS FUCKING NIGHT IN OUTERSPACE)

MR. FUCKRUCKUS ENTERS "THE METEOR" AFTER LEAVING BEHIND A GROUP OF CORPSES OF SO-CALLED FRIENDS IN HIS WAKE

MR. FUCKRUCKUS
BOY HOWDY I SURE AM GOING TO CAUSE A FUCKING RUCKUS. I WEAR
ALL THESE SHITTY RINGS AND I TALK LIKE I'M RETARDED

THE VOICE OF SANITY AND REASON
HELLO MR. FUCKRUCKUS, YOU'RE GOING TO FUCK SHIT UP TODAY
AREN'T YOU I JUST KNOW IT

MR. FUCKRUCKUS
FUCK YOU VOICE OF SANITY AND REASON
I GOT SCIENCE
NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED
I'M GOING TO KILL UNIMPORTANT EXTRAS AND FLY OFF INTO
SPACE TO MAKE JACK NOIR MY KISMESIS

THE VOICE OF SANITY AND REASON
WHOA HOLY SHIT DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA

MR. FUCKRUCKUS
FUCK RUCKUS!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S MY CATCHPHRASE BY THE WAY
FUCK YOU YOU DON'T KNOW ME YOU DON'T KNOW MY STYLE

EXT. "THE METEOR" - NIGHT

MR. FUCKRUCKUS FLIES OUT OF "THE METEOR" WITH HIS SHITTY HIPSTER
SCARF TRAILING BEHIND HIM LIKE A FLAG BROADCASTING A "NATION PERSON"
ONLY IN THIS CASE IT BROADCASTS THE FACT HE IS DISTINCTLY LACKING
IN ALL HIS MENTAL FACULTIES.

INT. OUTERSPACE - NIGHT (WHAT A FUCKING SURPRISE)

MR. FUCKRUCKUS
(TO AUDIENCE)
LOL I SURE FOOLED THE VOICE OF SANITY AND REASON
NOW TO MAKE JACK NOIR MY MATESPRIT

INT. THE END OF LIFE - NIGHT

MR. FUCKRUCKUS FLIES INTO JACK NOIR

MR. FUCKRUCKUS
OH JACK IT'S BEEN SO LONG

JACK NOIR
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU
OH WAIT I STAB FIRST AND ASK QUESTIONS LATER
SO THIS QUESTION I'M ASKING IS TO YOUR CORPSE
ALSO SINCE I AM A HUMAN LUSUS GUARDIAN
WITH A NOSE EVEN BETTER THAN ONE OF THE UNIMPORTANT
EXTRAS, I WILL FIND "THE METEOR" AND KILL EVERYONE IN IT
LEADING EVERYONE TO DIE HORRIBLY

EXT. LIFE - NIGHT

MR. FUCKRUCKUS BLEEDS FROM SEVERAL PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN ORIFACES

MR. FUCKRUCKUS
WOW I SURE WISH I LISTENED TO THE VOICE OF SANITY AND REASON
HAHAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING I'M A TOOL AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY WHAT I DID IS WRONG, WHICH IS WORSE THAN ACTUALLY
DOING IT ON PURPOSE

INT. "THE METEOR" - NIGHT

JACK NOIR
(TO THE HORRIFIED AUDIENCE)
HOLY SHIT MR. FUCKRUCKUS WAS RETARDED. IF ONLY HE WASN'T SUCH
A TOOL MAYBE EVERYONE COULD HAVE COME UP WITH A PLAN TO SAVE
THEMSELVES FROM ME
(TO THE VOICE OF SANITY AND REASON AND UNIMPORTANT EXTRAS)
STAB FIRST ASK QUESTIONS LATER

EXT. LIFE - WHO THE FUCK KNOWS EVERYONE'S DEAD

THE CAMERA PANS OUT ON ENDLESS DEVASTATION, WHICH COULD HAVE BEEN
PREVENTED IF MR. FUCKRUCKUS WASN'T SUCH A FUCKING RETARD.

FIN.

[squidissension]

I'm going to stop readin already that is fuckin stupid ivve nevver evven said fuck ruckus that doesnt mean anythin

[squidissension]

also you fuckin left out the part that your shitty endin wwouldvve happened no matter wwhat i did

[squidissension]

this is so historically inaccurate you are just tryin to make me mad

[ihateyouetc]

HAHAHAHAHAHA

YOU ACTUALLY READ IT

DID YOU READ THE PART "LOL" OUT LOUD SLOWLY AS "LOLL" LIKE SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T GET IT

[dormalcy]

This actually has mountains upon mountains of potential, Mr. Vantas. I should consider buying the rights.

[riseup]

i will try. but if he starts hurting people here, i will zillyhoo his stupid face off.

[ihateyouetc]

THAT WAS SUCH A RIDICULOUS THING TO SAY.

[ihateyouetc]

JUST STAY OUT OF IT, OK?

[riseup]

that sounds an awful lot like gallant chivalry, karkat! like i keep telling adults, i can take care of myself. but thank you.

[squidissension]

you better fuckin hope so

[riseup]

shut up.

[ihateyouetc]

HOLY SHIT EGBERT, YOU REALLY ARE AN IDIOT. I MEAN I KEEP SAYING IT BUT I GUESS FOR SOME REASON IT NEVER ACTUALLY SINKS IN AND I'M STUNNED ANEW EVERY TIME

SHUT THE HELL UP. THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT

[riseup]

ok, then i will stay out of it for reasons totally unrelated to you being worried for my personal safety/dying again at the hands of a stupid jerk troll!

THIS IS THE ONLY REPLY YOU GET

[ihateyouetc]

[squidissension]

wwhat wwould i kill you for you humans dont get any a this do you

[riseup]

uh... you have been threatening me, like, this whole time. you said you wouldn't mind culling me! you said i "better fuckin hope" i can take care of myself! oh my gosh, you are the biggest loser. you can't even remember your own threats, which means you will never follow through on them, because of what a big stupid shitty loser you are.