thoughtformed | (no subject)

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-Even if our leader is swearing on )(is silly nubs t)(at )(e does not know w)(at )(appened...
I believe it goes wit)(out saying t)(at I am not t)(e -Empress.
I was never going to be!
Besides t)(e memories, w)(ic)( I can't really explain, t)(e t)(ing t)(at I s)(are wit)( )(er is a blood color.
And my lusus! Before s)(e died too.
Knowing t)(at, )(owever, and being in a w)(ole new place w)(ere I am sure t)(is was not supposed to )(appen at all...
I t)(ink w)(at I needed to say was...

I'm sorry.

PRIVATE TO ERIDAN, SOLLUX, KARKAT, ARADIA

Really sorry.

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Forget it.

LOOK, I'M NOT STUPID
I KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING
AND I'M NOT EVEN PISSED OFF AT YOU FOR THAT PART
BUT IT'S ANNOYING AS FUCK YOU BASICALLY WANTED ME TO STOP DEFENDING FEFERI.

Karkat, I wouldn't ask you not to defend your friends. That's what friends do. I just wish you could be nicer sometimes.

YEAH, WELL.
I'M NOT THAT GUY WHO DIED.

Do you think I'm saying I like him better than you?

WHAT
NO
THAT'S COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS. IF THAT'S WHAT I MEANT THEN I'D SAY IT
BUT I DIDN'T SAY IT
SO THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT

Okay.

OK, GREAT. GLAD THAT'S COVERED.

JOHN WAS JOHN, BUT I GUESS HE CAME FROM A DIFFERENT TIMELINE.
SAME WITH JADE, WHO KNEW JOHN BUT DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT US. OR EVEN WHAT TROLLS WERE.
I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY DIDN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING.
VRISKA WAS VRISKA, PROBABLY SHORTLY AFTER HATCHING.
I DON'T KNOW WHO I WAS.
ANY MEMORIES I HAVE OF THE STUFF HE THOUGHT ARE MESSED UP AND CONFUSING AND THEY KINDA FREAK ME OUT
HE KNEW WHO I WAS EVEN THOUGH I WASN'T ALIVE YET
AND HE KNEW HE WAS GOING TO DIE.
MAYBE FEFERI HAS A BETTER GRIP ON IT THAN I DO
SO YOU MIGHT GET A BETTER ANSWER FROM HER.

Vriska said something about ancestors?

HUH.
I HADN'T REALLY CONSIDERED THAT.

I NEVER BOUGHT INTO THAT SHIT WITH OUR SO-CALLED ANCESTORS.
LIKE... WE'RE TAUGHT THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE A TROLL IN EVERY TROLL'S PAST WHO THEY TAKE AFTER
AND THEY'RE THE ONE YOU LIKE SHARE MOST OF YOUR GENETIC MAKEUP WITH OR SOMETHING
AND LIKE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CARRY ON THEIR WILL AND FINISH THEIR BUSINESS???

I GUESS THE CLOSEST HUMAN CONCEPT I CAN THINK OF IS OUR "DESTINY" IS INTERTWINED WITH THE SHIT THE ANCESTORS DID AND FAILED TO DO???

IT'S A LOAD OF BULLSHIT
I'M NOT FINISHING A FUCKING THING FOR THAT GUY
HE HAD HIS CHANCE AND HE FAILED
BUT I GUESS IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER ANYWAY

SINCE I DID TOO.

What did you fail at? Everybody's here, aren't they?

DO YOU WANT A FUCKING LIST
WE'LL BE HERE ALL DAMN NIGHT AND DAY.

Nathan does have enough tequila for that.

I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO BOTHER WITH SMALL DETAILS
BUT IT'S MY GODDAMN FAULT JOHN'S SESSION FAILED
AND IT'S MY FUCKING FAULT WE ULTIMATELY FAILED
JUST ARRIVING HERE ON SOME SHITTY ISLAND DOESN'T MEAN I DIDN'T FUCK EVERYTHING UP.

There has to be a reason we're here, why other people showed up and disappeared.

YEAH? I THINK THERE'S NO POINT TO ANY OF THE SHIT GOING ON HERE
INCLUDING WHO APPEARS, WHO DISAPPEARS, AND ETC. IT'D BE REALLY FUCKING NICE IF THERE WAS
BUT I'M WILLING TO BET ALL MY GREEN HUMAN DOLLAR BUCKS THAT THE ANSWER IS MORE LIKE "WHO THE HELL KNOWS. HEY, RANDOMLY, HERE'S A FUCKING PUPPY."

GOD, I'M TOO FUCKING TIRED FOR THIS.

Get some sleep, Karkat.

SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE A COLOSSAL ASSHOLE.
THERE'S A LOT OF SHIT THAT KIND OF CHANGES EVERYTHING IF IT'S TRUE
EVEN IF I KEEP SAYING IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING
I THINK I'M PROBABLY JUST TRYING TO CONVINCE MYSELF
OR I'M JUST LYING TO MYSELF
AND I KEEP THINKING ABOUT IT.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT
I JUST THOUGHT YOU DESERVED SOME KIND OF ANSWER BETTER THAN "DEAL WITH IT"
SINCE YOU WEREN'T TRYING TO BE A DICK TO ANYONE.

You weren't any worse than normal.

Sorry if I seemed like a jerk.

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