five | this video includes a bunny

[thneed]

[ is that a guitar? must be a once-ler post ]

Halloween is coming up and here you can't assume,
That the stores will have that quality costume
But look not to a store and look to me
'Cause I'll customize one that's the best it can be!

Want to be a princess? I'll make you a gown.
Fully detailed, fluffy, and with a crown.
A suit fully tailored to be a fancy man
Or a realistic Pharaoh-- Make it I can.
Look like food, pinata, a famous rockstar
Have a costume of a robot transformed to a car.
Be it a doctor, sheriff, ballerina, a cat
Any kind of costume with a big silly hat-

I'll sew it, knit it, make props all for you
All for a price of 15.92~~ do do do.

[ and done! he puts the guitar aside and clears his throat ]

Ehem, so! Here is my assistant, Mister Peaches, with an example in little pet form. [ holds up a tiny bunny. the bunny is wearing a very detailed astronaut suit ] Isn't he the cutest little guy you ever saw~?

Comments

[thneed]

They're not schemes. I'm trying to change the world. Thneeds will make everyone happy.

[maiditoutalive]

you are trying to change the world through clothing

[thneed]

Thneeds are far more than just a clothing item.

[maiditoutalive]

ok then what are they??
you are really doing a bad job of explaining this you know
it doesnt tell me anything or inspire a lot of confidence to keep going on about changing the world and business plans without including how exactly that works

i am so sorry for this aradia | 1/hell if i know

[thneed]

I'll tell you what they are they're a one of a kind revolutionary product with a million uses!

[ is he videoing her already cause if not he is now. CLEARS THROAT. hold on let him just knock all this silly non-thneed fabric out of the way. that can wait on the floor because it's thneed pitching time.

let's just pull a thneed out. here we go. ]

This, my trustworthy skeptical friend, is a thneed. ...In classic pink! But it comes in a variety of colors so don't fret if pink isn't your thing.

[thneed]

Made from 100% truffula tuft, this all natural product's microfibers provide it with- [ look it's a fish in a bowl! STUFFS THE THNEED IN THERE and it soaks up all the water ]

SUPER ABSORBANCY! No longer will you need a sponge, mop, water vaccum if those even exist because the thneed has got you completely covered there!

[ rings it out back into the bowl. it's okay little fishy it's okay... tosses the entire bowl over his shoulder. ]

And it dries as fast as you can say ROWDY-DOW~! It's natural fluff and sponginess is perfect for cleaning up any mess, spill- dirt - or otherwise!

[thneed]

But Once-ler! Cleaning? You thought this was a clothing article! Well it is! It's anything you need it would be. [ pulls the thneed over himself ]

It's a shirt! A sweater~ A lovely evening dress for those adventurous ladies if you pull it down to here! [ pulls it off and sticks it on his head ] It's a hat! A scarf! A sock! A cape~ [ spins around. ooo~ ahhh~ look at that thneed. ]

That isn't even half of it!

okay i'm done.

[thneed]

It smells like butterfly milk and I can guarantee this thing is softer than the silkiest of silk! Now here it is as a carpet! A table cloth! Curtains for your window that'll block out the sun for a peaceful late nap all the way into the afternoon! Use it as a pillow, a toasty blanket- OOOR--

[ waves it around ] Boxing gloves, parachute, a butterfly net, reusable diaper, a windshield wiper, slingshot, muzzle, trampoline, floatation device, handcuffs, covers for bicycle seats, tents, beanbag chair, earmuffs, hair accessory, fuzzy dice, teacozy, flower pot, delicious pasta, tissue, teddybear, jumprope, coat hanger, cat toy, book cover, beachball, or kiddy pool! Among many other things and it's for the amazingly affordable price of 3.98!

You should get one for Christmas.

[maiditoutalive]

i dont even know what christmas is

[thneed]

What kind of horrible place are you from?

[maiditoutalive]

the same place as all the trolls are

[thneed]

There's no troll christmas? What do you do for holidays?

[maiditoutalive]

we have 12th perigees eve in the middle of the dark season
your lusus brings you gifts and you put up lights if you think its safe and a tree if youve got one
we always did because there was nobody out near my hive but us so we didnt worry too much about it

[thneed]

Oh okay so you do have a troll christmas! Human-Christmas is that on the 25th Santa comes and puts presents under the tree for you and you exchange gifts between your family and all your friends.

And it's the best thing ever.

[maiditoutalive]

no we dont have a troll christmas
it would be difficult to give presents to your friends since they usually live too far to visit and also trolls consider friendship to be a disease
and we dont have families the way humans do
and we definitely do not have a santa whatever that is

[thneed]

troll hanukkah?
Right, that whole disease thing. You'd probably just give presents to your uh- ...Quadrants?
Anyone that's here is close so you could easily do that.

Santa is a man that brings you presents. It makes sense you don't have him though. He only operates on human planet.

[maiditoutalive]

i guess its true
we could do that
and you could just call it earth
i might not know about santa but i do know what your planet is called

[thneed]

Earth. Sorry.
You ever think that's a weird like when you call dirt earth and then you wonder if Mars calls their dirt mars? I'm losing my train of thought here...

Santa's awesome.

[maiditoutalive]

well i can tell you that alternia doesnt call its dirt alternia
we call it dirt
because it is dirt

yes i can see that you think so
but you dont find it odd that an adult comes into your house uninvited?

[thneed]

They don't not call it dirt sometimes?

You do invite him. He doesn't show up unless you put up the tree. He's not like the cat in the hat or something and sneaking in and breaking things.

[maiditoutalive]

yes sometimes we call it mud
or dust
which i think are technically different things

earth has a cat in a hat that breaks into your hive?
really??

[thneed]

Technically. Mud is wet and dust accumulates on surfaces.

Yeah! He preys on children when there parents are out and causes complete chaos. ...It might be a just-where-I'm-from thing. Whenever I mention it everyone gets confused.

[maiditoutalive]

well im certainly confused
why hasnt anyone killed him yet?

[thneed]

He's very elusive.

[maiditoutalive]

but you know where hes going to be at least once a year