PRETEND I POSTED THIS 10/18/12 BECAUSE I MEANT TO AND I FORGOT.

[ihateyouetc]

OK, OK.
I KNOW THE OTHER NAMES I PICKED WERE KIND OF STUPID.
ESPECIALLY TROLL SARAH JESSICA PARKER.
I MEAN HOLY SHIT.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING???
WHY DID I HAVE AN OPINION ON HER AND SARAH JESSICA PARKER?
I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT HER.
I'M NOT GOING TO INSULT HER OR ANYTHING BUT I THINK I WAS JUST BEING CONTRARY.
ANYWAY I KNOW YOU STOPPED LISTENING TO ME BUT HEAR ME OUT ON THIS ONE.
I THINK I'VE GOT IT THIS TIME.
WHAT ABOUT DREW BARRYMORE.

Comments

[thneed]

Drew Barrymore sounds like a boy's name.

[ihateyouetc]

YEAH, WELL. IT'S NOT.
IT'S A GIRL'S NAME TOO. IT'S THE SAME CASE WITH THE NAME OF JOHN'S SALAMANDER.
WHICH, BY THE WAY, I'M PRETTY SURE IS A BOY EVEN THOUGH HE KEEPS CALLING IT A "HER" AND ALSO HIS "DAUGHTER."

[thneed]

'Drew' and 'Barry' seem manly, is all. Hm.

Is it a boy? Maybe the salamander feels more like a 'she' and he's respecting its self-image. That or he doesn't know how to tell boy and girls apart. I think the trick is in the tail length or something...

1/3

[ihateyouetc]

OK, AS AWESOME AS THAT WOULD BE FOR THINGS LIKE "RESPECTING AN INDIVIDUAL'S RIGHT TO BE THEMSELVES REGARDLESS OF THEIR PHYSICAL GENDER" AND WHAT NOT, THERE'S THIS ONE TINY THING THAT MESSES ALL THAT REALLY GREAT STUFF UP.

[ihateyouetc]

IT'S A FUCKING SALAMANDER. THEY AREN'T THAT COMPLICATED.

[ihateyouetc]

I'M GOING TO HAZARD A GUESS AND SAY HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO TELL THEM APART.

[thneed]

That's probably it.

[squidissension]

wwhat about rachel leigh cook

[ihateyouetc]

THERE'S NO "PROBABLY" ABOUT IT.
HE ISN'T EVEN INTERESTED IN FIGURING OUT HOW.
HE JUST "KNOWS" IT'S A GIRL.

[ihateyouetc]

THAT'S A GOOD ONE TOO.
IF HE DECIDES TO REJECT DREW BARRYMORE I'LL SUGGEST THAT NEXT.

[thneed]

No salamander mind-reading powers or anything up his sleeve?

[squidissension]

yeah i mean
use it if you wwanna or wwhatevver
it wwas one a the last seahorses name but nobodys usin it noww
meanwwhile ros wwont bother namin ours so ivve got my hands full figuring out somethin appropriately regal all by my fuckin self
wwhich seems pretty contrary to this assignment

[ihateyouetc]

PRETTY SURE THE ONLY THING HE DOES OTHER THAN DIE IS MAKE THINGS REALLY, REALLY WINDY.
THAT DOESN'T EXACTLY LEND ITSELF TO DISCERNING THE GENDER OF A SPECIES THAT COMMUNICATES LARGELY BY BLOWING BUBBLES AND STARING AT YOU VACANTLY.
I DON'T THINK ANYTHING DOES. YOU COULD TALK TO THEM BUT THEY PROBABLY WOULDN'T GIVE YOU ANYTHING REMOTELY RESEMBLING A COHERENT ANSWER.
IN RETROSPECT, I DON'T SEE WHY ANYBODY THOUGHT CONSORTS WOULD HELP THEM WITH ANYTHING.
WE PROBABLY COULD HAVE OBTAINED ALL THE INFORMATION WE NEEDED WITHOUT BOTHERING TOO MUCH WITH THEM.
HONESTLY, MOST OF THEM ARE KIND OF STUPID.

[ihateyouetc]

YEAH... THANKS.
ARE YOU SURE?
I THOUGHT ABOUT JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT BUT I DIDN'T WANT THAT TO BRING UP ANY PAINFUL MEMORIES OR ANYTHING.

[ihateyouetc]

HAVE YOU MANAGED TO THINK OF ANYTHING AT ALL OR HAVEN'T YOU EVEN COME UP WITH ONE YET.

[thneed]

What exactly where you doing that you guys needed salamander consorts? Learning to hide under rocks?

[squidissension]

ivve cited evvery single historical figure in troll lore than evver accomplished jack all in warfare and shes had zero reaction
its like she refuses to be educated on evven the most basic a conquers
also i sincerely fucking doubt celebrities are gonna be her style because shes
wwell you knoww

[squidissension]

yeah wwell
as long as it doesnt get mauled by a fuckin cat youre probably safe
i mean
its not the wworst thing thats happened to us

[riseup]

i think casey is a girl and rose thinks casey is a boy.
she also calls casey viceroy.
basically, we are letting casey be whoever casey wants to be.

[riseup]

haha, fuck you.

[thneed]

Casey is one of those both-way names anyway.

EXTREMELY CONFUSING INFODUMP.

[ihateyouetc]

AUGH. I DON'T FEEL LIKE EXPLAINING THIS RIGHT NOW.
I'LL GIVE YOU THE ABRIDGED VERSION. EVERYONE CURRENTLY IN NEW MOORE WHO COMES FROM OUR ITERATION OF THE UNIVERSE
UH
WELL
SEVERAL ITERATIONS OF OUR UNIVERSE.
IMAGINE THE UNIVERSE CAN BE LIKE RESTARTING A GAME OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
IT'S BASICALLY THE SAME THING EXCEPT THERE ARE REMNANTS OF THE PREVIOUS VERSION OF THE UNIVERSE HANGING AROUND
OR IN THIS EXAMPLE "THE GAME"
IN YOUR CURRENT PLAYTHROUGH.
I'M NOT GOING TO EXPLAIN HOW BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THE PATIENCE FOR IT, BUT EVERYONE CURRENTLY IN NEW MOORE ASIDE FROM THE GUY WITH THE WHITE TEXT WHO COMES FROM THAT UNIVERSE/THOSE UNIVERSES HAVE DIFFERENT CONSORTS.
JOHN'S CONSORTS WERE SALAMANDERS. MOSTLY, EVERYONE ELSE HAD DIFFERENT ONES.
NO, I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT THE OTHER CONSORTS ARE.
NO, FROGS AREN'T CONSORTS. THEY'RE FROGS.
NO, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE FROGS. DEALING WITH THE FROGS INVOLVED A TANGLE OF BULLSHIT SO CONVOLUTED IF YOU MESSED IT UP YOU BASICALLY FUCKED OVER AN ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND DOOMED IT FROM THE START AND DROPPED WHAT WAS ESSENTIALLY A DEATH SENTENCE ON SOME INNOCENT IDIOTS WHO WOULD LATER BE FORCED TO GO THROUGH A NULL SESSION
OR, IN THIS EXAMPLE, A NULL PLAYTHROUGH OF THE GAME I JUST USED AS AN EXAMPLE
WHERE THEY JUST HAD TO RESTART ANYWAY BECAUSE EVERYTHING WAS INCOMPLETE AND THEN WHEN THE UNIVERSE RESET APPARENTLY IT WAS WAY MORE FUCKED UP THAN IT WAS BEFORE?
I CAN SEE IT GIVEN THE HUMAN STANDARDS OF EARTH PRE-SCRATCH AND POST-SCRATCH.
ANYWAY, I'M NOT NAMING NAMES OR TALKING ANY MORE ABOUT THIS SO DON'T ASK ABOUT IT.

[ihateyouetc]

DAMN! WHAT AN ACCOMPLISHED RETORT.
THAT DEFINITELY PROVES ME WRONG.
OH WAIT.

[ihateyouetc]

WHATEVER. YOU DON'T HAVE ROOM TO SAY SHIT ABOUT THIS FOR ALL THE FECULENCE YOU'VE BEEN UBIQUITOUSLY SPRITZING REGARDING THE FAKE HUMAN WIGGLERS.

SURE DID FORGET I UPLOADED THIS ICON. MIGHT AS WELL USE IT.

[ihateyouetc]

I KNOW.
THE THING IS I DON'T SEE ANY POINT THROWING IT IN ANYBODY'S FACE LIKE HEY, HERE'S A SHITTY THING THAT HAPPENED, BUT GUESS WHAT?
IT WASN'T AS SHITTY AS EVERYTHING ELSE THAT HAPPENED SO "DEAL WITH IT."
SENSITIVE TOPIC? FUCK YOU, BUDDY!
WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
WHO'D DO THAT?
THAT'S JUST MESSED UP.