thoughtformed | First Faecast

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First Faecast

So here's what I'm thinking. Cable TV show, probably on late at night, like on a Sunday because of all the lovin that Lady Bedazzled Box gets. Too cool for HBO though. The story of a young, hilarious yet sexy, sexy human who finds herself caught in the Fae world. Probably slow to catch on but by the time this baby gets axed it's reached Whedonesque levels of cult status. Probably even has it's own comic book series while fans rally for a movie to be made cause they just can't get enough.

I bet you McFarlane toys does a series of Kenzi figurines, available in 6 and 12 inch. Collectors items. None of this action figure shit and the cos-players? Geeks all over would be wetting themselves over the Kenzi and Bo's strutting it up in that place.

For serious? Fictional? Well I guess it beats the time I got drunk and maybe accidentally summoned a cray cray witch with a taste for jilted lovers... and by taste I mean the witch tried to eat me and not in a good way.

So anyway. A succubus, a werewolf and a siren walk into a bar... It sounds a lot like a joke but if you know somebody that fits description, could you maybe send 'em my way? Also. Anyone know where they keep the jell-o in this place? The green stuff is really good.

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[She really does not get what was so hard to understand about all that.]

You can drink both without vomming all over your bathroom floor.

Trust me. If there's anything I know, it's alcohol.

Yeah. Okay. Thanks... for the pointers.

Any time. I'm like a life coach for would be alcoholics.

That's... quite the skill set. Not sure how far it'll get you in the real world, though.

You'd be surprised.

[She's grinning because. Seriously. You'd be surprised!]

Give me a week in this place and I'll even have earned myself a lifetime free bar tab.

[Then again... she has met the owner of the bar.]

Okay so, maybe a month.

You know, we are being held captive. You might wanna consider taking this a little seriously.

Okay. Answer me this. Is anyone actually trying to kill me here?

[Kate prickles at that. Little too close to home. Plus it makes her wonder why she's in such a hurry to get back to New York, what with the fact that whoever tried to kill her is still out there and probably pretty eager for a second shot at it.]

Depends on the week.

Well. Threat of death every other week as opposed to every other day is definitely an improvement.

[Okay so maybe, just maybe Kenzi is a little more concerned than she's willing to let on but she's got a good poker face and really? She knows better than to have a full melt down during times such as this. Panicking wasn't going to fix this but alcohol was going to make her feel better!]

[Beckett is just going to side-eye, doing her best to keep up her own poker face as well.]

Yeah, I guess it is. Only problem is at least, where I come from, you get used to who's trying to kill you. Don't really get that kind of predictability here.

You mean you actually get the same people trying to kill you every time? Man... I'm getting jipped. I only sometimes attract repeat offenders.

[Though to be fair, only 90% of the time do they actually set out to kill Kenzi. The rest of the time she's usually She who gets caught in the crossfire... A lot.]

[Oh, Kenzi. You are something else.]

Well, besides the rare serial killer with a sick fascination, I'm pretty sure the people trying to kill me are all connected. Not that it really makes anything better. Though I guess I can say at least no one's put a bullet through my chest here... Granted, not without trying.

Bullets? Are you telling me these morons who kidnapped us seriously let just anyone have a weapon?

[Kenzi dramatically letting her head drop back as she begins to drop a series of colorful curse words... in Russian.]

Because death by Fae wasn't enough to worry about - now I get to dodge bullets too.

[Staring at the screen and yes, pouting.]

Wait... Why are people trying to shoot you? [Pause.] Twice. Or... again?

There was a crime wave last month, and with that came an upswing in unregistered weapons. I'm not sure where they came from but they're here, just as much as we are.

[Kate sighs. This isn't really public record and Kate has no idea why she's okay with telling anyone this, especially Kenzi, but somehow things that happened back home don't seem a pertinent anymore.]

I was shot. About three months before I ended up here. It's a long story. [A 13 year story, really.]

Oh well that's just great. I'm gonna be like a, stray bullet magnet now!

[Because really, there were some days when Kenzi was just the walking definition of wrong place, wrong time. Without a nookie-powered amazon and a magical whistler... she was screwed. Metaphorically speaking.]

Ugh. That sucks. [Though, it's not exactly shocking.] If it makes you feel better? I ate foot soup once and bled from my eyes. It was all very HBO.

[AKA True Blood. Yes. This is how Kenzi distracts from bad. She interchanges it with messed up.]

Ah... Ew.

[Welp. Kate really can't follow that up.]

I wouldn't worry too much. Just be careful at night and try not to hang out in areas with people who look like the kind of person who might own an unregistered side-arm.

[She pauses again.]

You bled from your eyes?

Honey... That's gonna be easier said than done. I'm what you might call... The queen bee of areas like that.

[And she wonders why she's always getting into trouble.]

Yeah, just a little eye blood. Noting to worry about... sort of.

[Honey? Omg who is this person.]

Yeah well, maybe you think about a change in royal status.

By the way, eye bleeding doesn't fall into the area of "nothing to worry about."

Unless you mean court jester... yeah I don't see that happening. I mean for serious. Do you see me being the kind of chick whose all at home in a Bloomingdales or whatevs?

[She did have a point there. Though Kenzi in an upscale department store would be some kind of amazing.]

Well yeah. There was the bit where I kind of almost died but you know. I didn't. Can't say that for the other lady.

... What happened to the other lady?

[That is a way more interesting topic than Bloomingdales, okay?]

The other lady?

[Eyebrows raised, lips pressed together.]

Oh well... She died.

[Mun just couldn't bring herself to write more cause too perfect just like that.]

Oh.

[Welp. That's awkward.]

I take it you two weren't... close.

Ohhh no, not at all. We didn't even meet really I just ate her foot soup and yeah...

[Er.]

Wait. That sounded wrong. It wasn't her foot in the soup. It was her soup that happened to have human foot in it... and... the talking really isn't helping is it?

[See, even Kenzi knows when something just sounds beyond wrong.]

The foot was human?

[Oh my God Kenzi just stop.]

[She pauses, trying to think of a good way to spin this.]

Yes.

[There's no way to spin human foot soup.]

BUT! I didn't know that when I ate it so, ya know.

[And then because Kenzi thinks this is actually going to make this sound better...]

I mean don't worry, it's not like she killed somebody. The person was already dead when she used the foot for soup. I think it was a car accident..

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themuse - 2012-12-04 02:19 (UTC) - Expand

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First Faecast

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