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Merry Christmas everyone!

I'm Sirius, one of the two lovely wizards around here. Next month is the big opening of our magic shop, but today I speak on behalf of something, someone else.

See this lovely lady?

[He turns the device until it shows the moving photograph of Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, how she's smiling and waving rather untypically at the camera.]

She currently doesn't have a date for New Year's Eve! It's bad enough to spend Christmas alone or, well, in the company of a drunkenly depressed friend with an odd sense of humour, but how can a gorgeous woman like that be alone for New Year's?

It'd be a crime, I'm sure you agree. She is called Anita, she can probably kick your arse the way she'll kick mine if she catches me for this, she is, as you can see, absolutely gorgeous. Add wit and charm to that and anyone who's not snatched up yet should be going after her!

However, needless to say, there are some requirements. For one, she only wants males. I'm sorry, ladies, I've been trying to convince her! For another, obviously you should be good-looking and charming and witty yourself.

She might go for the bad boys, just a bit, but doesn't everyone?

Come on, blokes, tell me if you're interested and if you meet my approval, I might be able to help set something up.

[OOC: ...marauder is doing marauding things, I suppose. Needless to say, Anita doesn't know he's doing this. That's what makes it fun.]

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I would be forced to agree, on both counts.

Well, in all serious, thanks for not being ridiculous about this, like he is.

[He inclines his head again, this time seriously - although his lips are still curled up in amusement.]

Of course.

I'll put your name on the list of candidates.

[He looks visibly surprised, though he masks it quickly.]

I see. I'm flattered.

[He then gives her a roguish grin and winks at her, delivering the next line smoothly.] Well, wish me luck, then.

[Then he has to duck briefly out of the frame to laugh hysterically for a moment.]

You might need it. Who knows, someone might sweep me off my feet.

[And she hears your laughter. Pfft.]

I will sincerely wish them the best of luck, then.

They'll need it more than I.

Edited 2012-12-25 08:53 (UTC)

Confident?

Well, you do know how to mind yourself, so yeah, that's a point in your favor.

[He looks startled again.]

Ah, I didn't mean -

That is to say, if they swept you off your feet, they would certainly be more ambitious in their designs than I. Thus they would need the luck more, as they would have more to do with it, if that makes sense.

Edited 2012-12-25 19:41 (UTC)

[She grins, knowingly.]

I thought that's what you meant.

Well, anyone who's actually out to try has a whole lot of work ahead of them.

Indeed. [He makes a small, amused noise as he considers something.]

I suppose 'sweep you off your feet' was simply metaphorical, hmm? I would think anyone who literally tried that would be doomed to fail.

No matter how the phrase is applied, you've got it. Doomed to fail.

That being the case, perhaps I shan't wish them my luck after all. [Another grin.] If they engage in an endeavor that is doomed to fail from the start, no amount of luck will help them, so I suppose I might as well keep it for myself.

See, you have good survival instincts. Good idea.

I made it here, didn't I?

[He probably shouldn't push his luck, but...]

Plus I survived a kiss with you. Neither things that would likely have happened by accident.

Edited 2012-12-25 22:58 (UTC)

Hey, if you go around bragging about that, you might not be able to count yourself as a survivor anymore. I don't like to kiss and tell, and I'm feeling a little punchy today.

I don't think it's considered bragging if you're the one I'm talking to about it.

How do I know you're not spreading it around? You clearly think it's quite an accomplishment.

Well, you called me a gentleman, didn't you? I'd be ashamed to not live up to your expectations in this regard.

[He spreads his hands.]

Does that seem like the sort of thing a gentleman would do?

Alright, you got me there. I admit defeat.

Giving up so easily?

It's just that I have other battles to fight today! Sirius isn't going to punch himself.

Ah, that's very true. [He nods sagely, as if agreeing to some deep, philosophical argument.] I would be forced to agree with your deduction. He is indeed unlikely to punch himself.

In that case, you have no option but to go and do it for him. I understand.

[He starts speaking very ridiculously dramatically, and in all mock seriousness.] As we have been forced to cut short our contest so prematurely, though it pains my heart to see you pass, perchance we may call it a draw!

A partial victory would be wholly unsatisfactory, proving nothing about my true caliber in our solemn battle. [He throws an arm over his eyes, as if he can't bear to look anymore, his voice rising in a crescendo.] And so, as we part, we shall do so as equals, waiting for the day when we may test each other once again!

Whether or not that day ever comes - [A fake sob here.] - I will endure the sweet sorrow at our parting, knowing that you are engaging worthier pursuits. Every time I see a bruised arm or a split lip on the solemn Black, I will think of you, my dove! [He falls to his knees.] And if we never see each other again, I will bid you - and my heart, which as ever leaves with you... [One more sob.]

Farewell!

[And, in a pained, whispered repetition -] Farewell...

Edited 2012-12-26 05:20 (UTC)

[For a moment, all she does is stare at the screen.

Staaaare.

Then she promptly falls out of the frame, doubled over as she laughs hysterically.]

What?!

[When she eventually gets back into a position where she can see him again, he will be seated in front of the camera calmly, a polite expression on his face.

When he speaks, he sounds genuinely curious, as if he doesn't know what she's talking about.]

What?

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