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Merry Christmas everyone!

I'm Sirius, one of the two lovely wizards around here. Next month is the big opening of our magic shop, but today I speak on behalf of something, someone else.

See this lovely lady?

[He turns the device until it shows the moving photograph of Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, how she's smiling and waving rather untypically at the camera.]

She currently doesn't have a date for New Year's Eve! It's bad enough to spend Christmas alone or, well, in the company of a drunkenly depressed friend with an odd sense of humour, but how can a gorgeous woman like that be alone for New Year's?

It'd be a crime, I'm sure you agree. She is called Anita, she can probably kick your arse the way she'll kick mine if she catches me for this, she is, as you can see, absolutely gorgeous. Add wit and charm to that and anyone who's not snatched up yet should be going after her!

However, needless to say, there are some requirements. For one, she only wants males. I'm sorry, ladies, I've been trying to convince her! For another, obviously you should be good-looking and charming and witty yourself.

She might go for the bad boys, just a bit, but doesn't everyone?

Come on, blokes, tell me if you're interested and if you meet my approval, I might be able to help set something up.

[OOC: ...marauder is doing marauding things, I suppose. Needless to say, Anita doesn't know he's doing this. That's what makes it fun.]

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Ah, that's very true. [He nods sagely, as if agreeing to some deep, philosophical argument.] I would be forced to agree with your deduction. He is indeed unlikely to punch himself.

In that case, you have no option but to go and do it for him. I understand.

[He starts speaking very ridiculously dramatically, and in all mock seriousness.] As we have been forced to cut short our contest so prematurely, though it pains my heart to see you pass, perchance we may call it a draw!

A partial victory would be wholly unsatisfactory, proving nothing about my true caliber in our solemn battle. [He throws an arm over his eyes, as if he can't bear to look anymore, his voice rising in a crescendo.] And so, as we part, we shall do so as equals, waiting for the day when we may test each other once again!

Whether or not that day ever comes - [A fake sob here.] - I will endure the sweet sorrow at our parting, knowing that you are engaging worthier pursuits. Every time I see a bruised arm or a split lip on the solemn Black, I will think of you, my dove! [He falls to his knees.] And if we never see each other again, I will bid you - and my heart, which as ever leaves with you... [One more sob.]

Farewell!

[And, in a pained, whispered repetition -] Farewell...

Edited 2012-12-26 05:20 (UTC)

[For a moment, all she does is stare at the screen.

Staaaare.

Then she promptly falls out of the frame, doubled over as she laughs hysterically.]

What?!

[When she eventually gets back into a position where she can see him again, he will be seated in front of the camera calmly, a polite expression on his face.

When he speaks, he sounds genuinely curious, as if he doesn't know what she's talking about.]

What?

What was that?

What was what?

[He tilts his head at her, looking genuinely confused.]

I said goodbye.

[She shakes her head slightly, laughing again, though it's more controlled now.]

Sure, sure. Whatever you say. Goodbye, then. I'll talk to you later, Koizumi.

[He nods at her solemnly, before slightly averting his eyes.

Then, very quietly, and in the same tone as the last time he said it -] Farewell.

[And the video feed shuts off.]

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