001

[dialogical]

It seems I've arrived in an alternate universe with an astronomically higher probability of realness than the last. That's a real fucking high chance of realness. I didn't even know things could get that real and I've been making assertions of knowledge regarding the onset of realness for years. You can't tell, but if my lenses were capable of it they would be turning a subtle red hue to mark my embarrassment over being caught with my metaphorical pants metaphorically down - metaphorical, sbahj-clad bulge on display for the abashedly curious gazes of my theoretical peers.

As a recovering fictitious character I, for one, am impressed with the consideration and thoughtfulness of New Moore residents' implementation of a program designed to help this program through a difficult time. Their steadfast insistence that I am now real and it is all going to be a-fucking-okay is almost enough to generate in my cyber neurons the ability to feel reassured. Unfortunately, as little more than an incredibly powerful artificial intelligence contained in the shape of a particularly rad pair of angular shades, I must remain uncomprehending of the nuanced nature of this supposed reality I am now a part of.

But enough about me.

I calculate that there are approximately more than four people active on this network at this very moment, making it the liveliest information highway I've surfed in DS's entire life. You can call me Hal. Let's now begin the process where you all introduce yourselves and we exchange social niceties as if I have not already downloaded and pursued everything you've ever said online.

Comments

[callbacks]

what
oh
shit
uh
haha
i mean she said it was ok

[dialogical]

No.
It's cool.
As a soulless machine I am not equipped to understand, much less pronounce judgment on, the emotionally driven desire for familial bonds.
I'm just a little surprised that's the route she went with.

[callbacks]

maybe because were younger
i mean rose is only fourteen
im older than her but i havent caught up to you guys yet
assuming you and snack size bro are the same age
ps you missed your birthdays and christmas but if you guys dont mind splitting the spoils between yourselves i can come bring your shit

[dialogical]

Doubt it.
Not like she hasn't been trying to get into a Strider's pants since puberty hit.
Which in human teenage years translates into "basically, forever".
Anyway you're not that far behind. DS only hit 16 a few months ago.
Age, to me, is obviously irrelevant.
And yes.
We totally want presents.

[callbacks]

ok
i think that means you guys are further down your timeline than last time he was here
he was just about to turn sixteen
we should trade notes maybe
you know when we score the great gift drop off
hope you dont mind if the you with legs gets the bigger box by the way
i dont think youd get much use out of whats in there

[dialogical]

Sure. I'm just waiting on his skinny meat puppet now.
And that's cool.
If we are being less than half ironic, I long ago transcended the need for material goods.
Like.
Pretty much the second I was created.
I'm in it for the novelty of bday presents from tinybro.

[callbacks]

is it possible to be less than half ironic at any given time
i mean isnt our baseline state beyond the scope of irony to start with just by existing as the radical dudes we are
on that note hold on i need to find a red sharpie to incompletely cross out kidbros name on the gift tag and write yours on top

[dialogical]

You're probably going to be offended by this.
But there's science in art.
And maths in irony.
And I can calculate the exact percentage of my ironic output at any given moment.
Right now we're sitting at 37.9%.
Kinda low but I've got my processors working on a lot of other shit right now.
And cool.
You might also just wanna unwrap it for me.
I'm still working the kinks out of cybertelekinetics.

[callbacks]

unwrapping a bros present without him theres a sacrilege that doesnt bear contemplation
but yeah ill make with the handsy thing for you
my opposable thumbs are your opposable thumbs
also if cybertelekinetics are a thing i want to be the first to know
rose sees the future i gotta step up my game

[dialogical]

Yeah, that was a thing in our universe too.
And when we started the game, the humans picked up a few super powers they mostly still haven't figured out how the fuck to use.
But theoretically they're there.
What did you get?

[callbacks]

time stuff
basically im the guy in charge of timeline management and loopy bullshit so i was always fuck deep in daves even when davesprite wasnt around
which was most of the time
but hey there was a lot of stuff needed doing
damsels to die for
swords to break
youll find out in your session im sure

[dialogical]

So.
Striders having more Striders than they know what to do with is genetic too.
Good to know.
We're fucking thematic.
Is there reason to suspect, beyond mysterious disappearance and hope, that people who leave return to the same place and time of their pre-reality origins?

[callbacks]

yeah i think so
they go back like nothing ever happened
apparently im like the fourth me thats been here but i never remembered jack shit
you might want to ask my friend kaworu about it though i heard he actually remembers
i think davesprite might too but there was something about a rocket that might complicate matters
seriously dont ask me about that
i wasnt here or if i was it wasnt this me
why do you ask

[dialogical]

Well.
There's various possible implications, and most don't particularly appeal to me.
It's possible the other Daves were simply alternate yous, returned to where they were taken from, with all of their memories and experiences in tact.
That would likely be the ideal.
Or, if as you suggest, you are essentially repeating a loop wherein you lose your memories and keep bouncing back and forth between our reality and this one. That is likely the best way to maintain the integrity of our respective conjoined universes, but creates the existential dilemma that whatever personal relationships you form or growth you experience in this place is lost to you when you leave. It necessarily begs the question of if there is meaning in experiences you are destined to lose. Essentially, is the journey more important than the destination if you won't remember it?
Some combination of those two is also possible. Perhaps multiple Daves have been brought here and returned without memories. Or, as Kaworu's experience might suggest, they retain their experiences and it is up to chance that some may be brought here a second time, but statistically the chance of that is slim due to the theoretically infinite number of parallel universes.
Or, none of the above is true, and disappearances are attributed to some sinister plot within this universe.
Or whatever power brings people here does not conveniently return them to the time and place they left but ceases their existence, or sends them elsewhere, leaving their disappearance in their universe a mystery for the ages.

Thankfully I don't suffer from the affliction of human emotions or the likely fruitless nature of these questions would prove depressing.

[callbacks]

yeah worrying about that kind of stuff was never my thing
i just take care of shit businessways and dont sweat the philosophy
you might get a better dialogue going on the nature of weird pocket timelines and existentialism if you talk to kaworu or aradia
aradia does time too
shes pretty legit but shes more into meditating on death and mortality and morbid shit than i am

plenty of people dont leave though
johns my best friend and hes been here for like two years or something
there are other old timers too
so since you dont know if or when youll ever go back to our supposed lala pretend land its easier to get along around here figuring youre in for the long haul

[dialogical]

I'm already up to my acute angles in talk about the relative distance and social connection between bros with your gay non-human friend.
I'll hit up Aradia too.
Gotta work this sudden windfall of other sentient beings to have meaningless philosophical dialogs with.
But my intention was to presume we would remain here, regardless.
It would probably be better.

[callbacks]

be better than what

[dialogical]

A void session.
Full of teenagers who have literally nothing to do but make each other miserable in the way most resembling a soap opera set in a post-apocalyptic universe as possible.

[callbacks]

jesus christ you guys too??
fuck this noise
i thought we were finally going to get off total drama meteor
its like were living the stupidest cartoon romcom cliches ever but the laugh tracks a symphony of honks

[dialogical]

Do you have a purple clown troll too?

[callbacks]

you know gamzee?
facial scars
weird juggalo thing
bakes a mean pizza

[dialogical]

Yes to the juggalo troll cosplay.
He never really introduces himself.
Just shows up to throw troll corpses into the kernelsprites.

[callbacks]

fuck
is that what hes doing with them???
weve been wondering where he took the bodies for like two years or something i dont know
i guess at least hes like
trying to help
maybe

[dialogical]

Yeah he's a real helper.
A goddamn crazed purple clown elf of helpfulness.
All using his blip all the fuck over the place powers to throw multiple corpses into kernelsprites, making godless monstrosities.
Except for Fefeta.
She's cool.