001

[dialogical]

It seems I've arrived in an alternate universe with an astronomically higher probability of realness than the last. That's a real fucking high chance of realness. I didn't even know things could get that real and I've been making assertions of knowledge regarding the onset of realness for years. You can't tell, but if my lenses were capable of it they would be turning a subtle red hue to mark my embarrassment over being caught with my metaphorical pants metaphorically down - metaphorical, sbahj-clad bulge on display for the abashedly curious gazes of my theoretical peers.

As a recovering fictitious character I, for one, am impressed with the consideration and thoughtfulness of New Moore residents' implementation of a program designed to help this program through a difficult time. Their steadfast insistence that I am now real and it is all going to be a-fucking-okay is almost enough to generate in my cyber neurons the ability to feel reassured. Unfortunately, as little more than an incredibly powerful artificial intelligence contained in the shape of a particularly rad pair of angular shades, I must remain uncomprehending of the nuanced nature of this supposed reality I am now a part of.

But enough about me.

I calculate that there are approximately more than four people active on this network at this very moment, making it the liveliest information highway I've surfed in DS's entire life. You can call me Hal. Let's now begin the process where you all introduce yourselves and we exchange social niceties as if I have not already downloaded and pursued everything you've ever said online.

Comments

[existechialism]

Holy fuck are you ready for this game of ironic coincidental shenanigans that is about to take place?
Please let me precede you by saying,
It's almost like we're the same fucking person!

[dialogical]

This is goddamn uncanny. We must be twins separated at birth. Or perhaps two star-crossed souls. The numbers I have crunched and cast to the digital earth to read their destiny say there's no other possible explanation for the ridonkulous degree of serendipity up in here.

[escapeplan]

What century?

[dialogical]

I am robodeducing that despite the limitations of organic processors you know what century you are in.
So your open ended question is regarding what century I come from.
25th.
You?

[escapeplan]

30th. I was wondering about what century developed an advance AI program like yourself.

[fuckincakewake]

sup ar
did u have fun reading what weve been up to while u were fuck knows where

[dialogical]

It's been a fucking riot.
Laugh a nanosecond over here.
I'm simultaneously running the numbers on how it's going to go when DS has to deal with yet another version of himself, on top of everything else.
And the forcast there is pure entertainment too.

[fuckincakewake]

daves not really a version of distrid
oh u mean that old guy??
bro or whatevs
i just ignore him hes a freakshow
hes all into boozin cause i gave it up
what a poseur right
why do u think dirks gonna flip the proverbial lid re this dude

[notdogmatic]

You are a non-organic intelligence?

And a Strider.

[dialogical]

Two for two.
Glad to see my bros already got started setting up our rep for us.

[notdogmatic]

Fascinating.

Do you consider yourself to literally be a brother of the organic Striders?

I do not mean to question the authenticity of the bond. I am simply curious about the interaction between species.

[thneed]

Okay. I can no longer understand the world of Striders.

[dialogical]

Not surprised.
First, the plural of "world" should be engaged.
So you were kind of off base from the start.

[thneed]

Can I just call it a Strider universe?

[callbacks]

sorry dude
this ones new to me too but ill give you the readers digest version tomorrow at work

[maiditoutalive]

hal strider??
youre breaking the pattern

[dialogical]

If you are referring to the pattern where all Striders have a first name beginning with a D and following with three other letters, technically I possess such a name as well.
But my progenitor makes frequent dramatic exhales with his chest oxygenators when I make public assertions that we are essentially the same dude.

[animator]

You downloaded everything?

Creepy.

[dialogical]

It's kinda what I do.
Didn't even take long.
More fleshbags accessing with your incredibly primitive computing devices is great and all.
But your network is fucking tiny.

[callbacks]

uh
bro?
im seeing double here or something

[dialogical]

[unlike some other lame human who had to pause to deal with you existing, this brobot gets back pretty quick]

I'd think you'd be used to it.
From the data I gathered pretty much as soon as I hacked onto this network.
Which was pretty much as soon as I entered this universe.
Multiple versions of Striders is not even a thing here.

Unless you mean the red text.
In which case all I can say is it was an homage.

[ohmycod]

whats up with all the people lately just glubbin nonstop
aint no one wants to read all this hullabeluga

[dialogical]

You can skip it. My feelings would only be injured if I had them.
If it isn't tiny Condy.
Sup.

[kantstoppfantstopp]

Yeah so I didn't waste my time reading any of that so we can skip to the more important part. My name's Gilbert Beilschmidt.

(And if you have downloaded my stuff, you should already know you should be bowing before my greatness.)

[dialogical]

Sup, Prussia.