[Iiiiit's big Dave. And in the background of his apartment, is that--]

So in the absence of an actual overlording alien seabitch to take down, it looks like my part in the Great Earth Turf War's been declassed to arguing with troll kindergartners about Dita Disgusta and how she definitely isn't the hero of Turbo Transformin' Power Soldiers. For the record, "Yeah huh she is!" is not a valid point of debate no matter how many exclamation points you tack to the end.

["Shut up, it totally matters!"

Oh god, is that little Vriska scratching up his furniture in the background? Dave, why.]

Yeah, no. Anyway, as dialogically fulfilling as I find this kind of intellectual back-and-forth, the little larva's looking for her mom. And I'm looking not to brood the Empress's get. Also she ate all the bacon I made for lunch. So if anyone's seen like a giant spider--

["Like, HUUUUUUUUGE!"

Dave has to tilt his head a little to indicate how hard he may be rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses.]

--Okay, a huge giant spider, drop me a line. Name's Dave Strider. Like the movie guy.

Jesus Nutcracking ballet dancing Christ.
Why the hell is it so cold in Winter.
Are we close to the pole or something?
Is there even a pole to be close to?
Do we have a mapped location or is New Moore just an independent slice of reality and if so,
Why the fuck can't someone turn up the heat?
I'm going back to bed.
Roxy don't touch me with your freakishly subzero feet again.
You should get that checked out, you probably have bad circulation.

[it's probably 50 degrees Fahrenheit at worse outside, come on. What is this guy even complaining about.

All replies will be morning]

Who: Bro Strider & any unfortunate kids that decided they'd like to learn to drive. Also open to anyone who'd like a chat while he's waiting!
What: I think the 'who' pretty much explains the 'what', here. Clear the streets.
When: October 15th.

---

[Were you one of those poor unfortunate lucky souls who agreed to take driving lessons from this guy? Don't worry, he's almost 100% sane when he's behind the wheel of a vehicle.

Almost.

He'll sound the horn to let whoever he's waiting for know he's there - maybe he'll send a text if he's waiting for too long - but when they come out they'll find him behind the wheel, tapping his fingers gently against it and idly nodding to a beat only he can hear.

Get right in, kid, the door's open.]

Fare thee well, Dave of Time. Be well in exploring the message of the literal meaning of "cool."

Who: The Daves of Christmas present and future (no actual Christmas included)
Where: All over New Moore. The Dave of your choice will probably go to you. Or feel free to run into him somewhere while he's distracted texting--Present Dave's doing his usual pizza runs, while Future Dave's mostly wandering around, enjoying the sights, looking for familiar (yet super tiny) faces.
When: Throughout the event from 8/8-8/12
What: Look, is it so weird for a guy who's traveled over ten years back in time to want to hang out with his tiny teenage friends? Or his tiny grown-up friends, as the case may be? LOOK AT THEM. THEY'RE SO TINY. THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY'RE IN FOR.

( Time after time )

So, I get this place is all hells of messed up sometimes. I can deal with that... but this?

[On-screen, Bro indicates up to the side of his head with one gloved hand. Poking out of his hair are a pair of orange and white striped cat ears, with tufts of black fur at the tips. The one he's pointing at swivels back independently of the other, out of the way of his finger.]

This is just fuckin' weird.