You are all invited to my sister's party. She will be celebrating Kupala Night. Although I do not care, my sister does.

Therefore, you should all show up. If you do not, I have my ways of making your life hell.

So... Steve's birthday is the fourth.

Anybody up for throwing the little guy a party?

The party was a lot of fun, right? I was glad to see so many people enjoying themselves after such a difficult few weeks.

If it's not too soon, and if anyone was interested, I thought maybe it would also be nice to celebrate Kupala Night? You know, kind of summer solstice? It's supposed to be a courtship celebration where you play in the water and couples do rituals that are supposed to bless their union and then go into the forest to look for fern flowers, but I'm pretty sure the only person who really cares about that is me, so I guess what I'm trying to say is that it would still be nice to celebrate it with more than just me and Poland, and parties are always fun! Bonfires and drinking and dancing sound nice, don't they? And if you let me know that you want to come, I can make you a wreath to wear! I'll make you one even if you're a boy, so no one feels left out!

Um, please?

'Not real'? Okay dumbasses, what do you think I've been doing the past seventy years? I already know how to not exist, I do it flawlessly! So why the am I here being told shit I already know? I HAVE THINGS TO DO. IMPORTANT THINGS. WEST CAN'T FIND HIS OWN ASS WITHOUT ME AROUND. I DIDN'T EVEN PUT THE BEER IN THE FRIDGE?!

I do not understand why everyone is so needlessly upset. It is nothing but foolish behaviour.

This island always causes strange occurrences. It is useless to fuss over something so stupid.

Okay, I'm sick of these things now.

They aren't even housetrained.

Um.

Are all the plants in this apartment supposed to be housewarming gifts? Because that's very kind, but none of them have any "from" cards, and I'm really going to need to know who I'm sending thank-you cookies to.

Whatever, that all pretty much sounded right.

I will be glad for this year to be over.

...I am not sure what to make of this.

Nathan.





You are dead.

What's Christmas?

I am not wearing this ridiculous thing they call a dress.

PRE-HALLOWEEN PARTY PARTY
29 OCTOBER
EAST 201

"Why?" you ask yourself, cos you're probably one of the island's many killjoy twats. I answer you: Why the fuck not!

Look, the best part of Halloween isn't the candy or the costume or the increased crime rate. It's the fact that the parties can go on for ages. Who gives a shit if the holiday isn't until Monday? You lot need to get yourself in proper partying form, and as your ever-gracious hosts, Victor and I are here to help you.

Here are the rules:

1. ADULTS ONLY. And that means NO KIDS ALLOWED. I'll be the judge one what exactly constitutes a kid, but alien foetuses are out. Karkat, fuck off for the night, find somewhere else to go. Who knows, maybe you'll like it there and stay forever!

2. COSTUMES REQUIRED ENCOURAGED (thank your friendly neighbourhood Robocop). Though frankly I don't care how much effort you put into it, the least you can do is slap on a mask or a sheet or something. Ladies, as always, the less clothing the better!

3. CATERED BY LAU, MOSTLY. If for whatever idiotic reason you don't trust him, bring your own poison.

This'll top our last party, guaranteed. That's a promise from us to you. And if it doesn't, I'll let you kill me in whatever way you see fit! So bring your sexy selves and let's start this holiday off right, yeah?

Teddie tried using "Wikipedia" to find enough information about Spain to locate him but it's not working--I think I need to know more about what he was like here... on the island... can his friends tell me more about him?

So I'm somewhere between thinkin this is my boss' weird and heavy-handed way of saying I should take a holiday and quit fussin over Parliament, and this being a really detailed dream, which I guess would be my subconscious' weird and heavy-handed way of sayin I should take a holiday.

But more importantly, who broke Spain!?

Ha! I knew I could make myself disappear if I tried hard enough. This is sliiiiiightly off target from where I wanted to appear, but whatever. At least it's not jail. And hey, now you lot can meet Marnie and the baby! Everyone's a winner.

Now for his first trick in New Moore, the Great Nathan-o will make half a dozen pints of lager disappear!


Christ I need a better stage name.

I do not consider this my birthday, but I suppose I will still celebrate it.

Poland, leave me alone today and I will consider that your gift.

Dante,

Sorry for cleaning without your and Alois' permission! Since I managed to arrive home before you both somehow, I thought I might as well put myself to use while I could manage while staying out of your hair.

I took the liberty of putting the miscellaneous items I found into boxes based on probable owner. They are all labeled and in your room. I did dirty laundry as well. I admit I am still kind of baffled by the four hundred unopened boxes of fake eyelashes. But I'd never have thrown anything away, don't worry!

At least the carpet isn't sticky anymore!!

PS. Poland:
WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF WE WEREN'T IMMORTAL ANYMORE

I am not getting on a large boat again.