Can somebody tell me what the heck a gaydar is?






And where I can get one? 'Parently mine's broken.

I am definitely not drunk enough to be told I don't exist.

I have a theory.

First, the drugs have finally won and I have not only completely lost control of myself, but that I am also having the best trip.

Second, I'm actually here and all of this is actually happening. But I've hallucinated weirder things before, so I'm not entirely inclined to believe that this is all actually happening.

Seriously? Spider-Man, Iron Man, and vampires? How cool is that? If Dr. Brock Sterling shows up, I'll know I've officially died and gone to heaven.

It's like Christmas at Comic Con

With less hairy, overweight crossplayers and more dick measuring contests.

[Here on your screen appears the image of a very ordinary-looking thirty-something man who has seemingly arrived in New Moore the traditional way--via the hospital. He's the type of guy you'd see on the street and not even give a second glance. A pair of wire-frame glasses are perched upon his nose, and there is a touch of grey visible at his temples. He is also naked, but luckily you the viewer cannot see anything lower than his chest. Assless hospital gowns do not survive the transformation as well as pants, he has found.]

[After taking a few moments to familiarise himself with the webcam software, he glances up. There is a bone-deep exhaustion in his expression and his eyes hold the sort of weariness one might expect to see in a man twice his age. The room around him, partly visible on the screen, is an absolute wreck. Those familiar with Bruce Banner may recognise the signs of post-Hulking.]

[Unfortunately, when he had woken up the first time here in this strange medical facility and they'd told him about being a fictional character, he had automatically assumed the worst: that someone had finally succeeded in capturing him. The other guy had made an unsuccessful attempt at breaking out, which still has Bruce a bit confused but only proves to him that whoever has kidnapped him has done their homework. It makes more sense than what the hospital staff is telling him. Because no matter what good deeds he may accomplish, everyone will always be after the Hulk in the end. He should have known better than to ever have thought that maybe he could return to a normal life. Now he's stuck in this "hospital," because they won't let him leave. They tell him he's dangerous.]

[No shit.]

I have no idea what's going on here, or what kind of lie I'm being fed about this "fictional" business. It's a pretty flimsy cover-up, if you ask me... so why don't you just come out and say it? Who are you working for and what do you want with me? [His voice, like his expression, is tired. Tightly controlled. Suspicious.] You might think you have the upper hand here, but you're messing with something you can't control. That isn't a threat. It's a promise

Aw, hell.

This stipend thing ain't gonna cover two nights of drinkin', and no one's givin' me my senior discount. Ain't even planes for me to fly here, so what's a girl to do?

I'm not goin' back to waitrissin', before ya even suggest it. Come on, this ain't how ya treat a vet real good.

I don't know why everyone is so glum.  You've paid your forfeits, enjoyed the fruit of your rewards, and now everything is back to... well, all right.  I can't call this place normal and keep a straight face.  It's all back to the status quo.  And I think we should celebrate that while it lasts.

With that in mind, tonight at the Nancing Phony, I'm declaring an open bar.  At the advice of my weeping, fretting, and still very indebted co-owner, there will be a five dollar door charge, but after that, my friends, it's all you can drink.

Oh.  And he'd also like me to assure you all that we'll be 'carding.'  Personally, I'm going to be too busy drinking, telling stories, and beating you all at darts to waste my time on wool, but I guess if it's a popular past-time around here you're welcome to card as much as you like.

Aw, shucks.

This ain't even the weirdest place I've woke up in after a nighta heavy drinkin! I can say the half naked men are a pretty nice touch though. Somebody wanna tell me where I can find some of that?

Right. I'm gonna find myself a nice place to have a drink and wait for backup. If anyone wants to join me, I can guarantee a good story or two. Or six or seven. Lady Blackhawk's stories never end.