001

[dialogical]

It seems I've arrived in an alternate universe with an astronomically higher probability of realness than the last. That's a real fucking high chance of realness. I didn't even know things could get that real and I've been making assertions of knowledge regarding the onset of realness for years. You can't tell, but if my lenses were capable of it they would be turning a subtle red hue to mark my embarrassment over being caught with my metaphorical pants metaphorically down - metaphorical, sbahj-clad bulge on display for the abashedly curious gazes of my theoretical peers.

As a recovering fictitious character I, for one, am impressed with the consideration and thoughtfulness of New Moore residents' implementation of a program designed to help this program through a difficult time. Their steadfast insistence that I am now real and it is all going to be a-fucking-okay is almost enough to generate in my cyber neurons the ability to feel reassured. Unfortunately, as little more than an incredibly powerful artificial intelligence contained in the shape of a particularly rad pair of angular shades, I must remain uncomprehending of the nuanced nature of this supposed reality I am now a part of.

But enough about me.

I calculate that there are approximately more than four people active on this network at this very moment, making it the liveliest information highway I've surfed in DS's entire life. You can call me Hal. Let's now begin the process where you all introduce yourselves and we exchange social niceties as if I have not already downloaded and pursued everything you've ever said online.

Comments

[ohmycod]

whats up with all the people lately just glubbin nonstop
aint no one wants to read all this hullabeluga

[dialogical]

You can skip it. My feelings would only be injured if I had them.
If it isn't tiny Condy.
Sup.

[ohmycod]

aight bothered you know that already
but tiny condys a decent nickname so whatevs
sup red text

[dialogical]

We've met.
Assuming your timeline isn't even more fucked than everyone else's here.
I was the sweet pair of shades on the high-fivin' bro that one time.

[ohmycod]

what
youre a pair of shades

that was a pretty sweet hifive right

[dialogical]

Totally sweet.
And you would know about the shades thing.
Had you read the post.

[ohmycod]

yeah still not reedin that
ive got bad exspeariences with red tl;dr
practically allergic to the shit

[dialogical]

How so?

[ohmycod]

nope no way
not talkin boat whats his face
movin on

[dialogical]

Oh, come on.
I've literally had to hear the same gossip over and over again between the same four people my entire life.
We can move to private if you want.
Just spill, mini Condy.

[ohmycod]

dude this aint no gossip
gossips gotta be interestin to be gossip
dudes just a lamebass blubbermouth

[dialogical]

Wait.
Who are we talking about here.

[ohmycod]

betta vantas
and that bettas a pun on beta not better because thats not a thing that loser is
troll with majority stock in shit no one gives a fuck aboat

[dialogical]

I don't know any Vantas, whether first or second iteration.
But I am assuming he's a troll low on the hemeospectrum with a a set of lungs that belies his inferior genetics.

[ohmycod]

bullseye
youre kinda cool for a pair of roboglasses

[dialogical]

Thanks.
I am literally designed for coolness.
Good to know the specs for these specks were not ill-conceived.

[ohmycod]

so like
you on hifive dudes face right now or what

[dialogical]

Nah.
Hanging out, waiting to get picked up.
Why?

[ohmycod]

wouldnt mind havin a new pair myself

plus youd prolly fetch a nice boondollar if ya know what i mean

[dialogical]

Whoa now.
Moving a little fast.
First, I'm never for sale.
And second.
If I were no one on this shitty little island could afford me.
I just checked.
You dreams of pimpin out a sexy pair if shades will have to die prenatally.

[ohmycod]

oh fin waterever i wont hawk you off ok
maybe if you were lame or somefin

[dialogical]

There is an extremely low probability that I will ever be lame.
Unless you meant lame by the literal definition.
As in, permanently injured.

[ohmycod]

uh yeah
the first thing i guess

[dialogical]

Ok than.
No danger of that.

[ohmycod]

so
lemme get this straight
youre just sittin round
not movin