thoughtformed | [Video to Connor, but guess who forgot to make it private]

[He shakes his head immediately. No. She's not allowed to think that.]

It's not your fault! It's not. You don't choose to do it. You're responsible for your choices and your actions but you can't control what your power does. It's not your fault, Alisha. You don't mean to make these things happen. You wouldn't hurt anyone. Not like me. You're better than me.

...I really don't think the dead probation workers or the people I've touched would agree.

[Shit, she really didn't want to talk about the probation workers, why did she talk about the probation workers. Quickly:]Doesn't matter either way, though. It's still me, not them.

[His words, in entirety, have just settled in, though.] ...You didn't hurt them just for shits and giggles, right?

[His expression is almost feral, predatory, like something has hit a switch within him.]

It's justice. Or survival. Only the things that deserve it. Never people. Vampires aren't people.

Then I don't see wot the problem is with it. We all do wot we have to in order to get by.

...Actually, I'm still not sure wot to make of all the demons and hell and magic -and now, vampires- you talk about. As much as I'd like to think you're just insane, you're definitely not that brand of crazy. Awkward, and as it's starting to turn out, a bit violent? Yeah. Hallucinating? I don't think so.

Guess I don't know wot to believe. You'd think it wouldn't be a problem after the storm gave everyone and their mothers powers.

I'm not crazy.

[He says it enough that he believes it, anyway. He's not mentally sound, but not in that way, at least. Believe in something hard enough and it becomes the truth, right?]

What storm? Is that how you got yours?

I was born with mine.

I know you're not; even if I say it, I know better. That's why I'm having trouble.

[She pauses for a moment and nods.]

Yeah, struck by lightning; turns out a lot of people were. We thought it was just us five.

...How?

[She's sorry, Connor, but anything outside of the storm is beyond foreign to her. It's so much easier just to blame things on the lightning.]

I just was.

[He shrugs fluidly; he looks just as confused as you probably feel, Alisha.]

Both of my parents are vampires. That's not supposed to happen. Vampires can't give life. But they did. Nobody knows how it happened, and there's never been anything else like me. At least, not in my world. Rose tells me it happens all the time where she comes from.

You don't have... fangs and shit, do you?

[However... something else piques her interest just as much.]

And... who's "Rose"?

Edited 2013-01-12 07:42 (UTC)

No. I have the same powers they did, but otherwise I'm human, as far as anyone can tell. I think I might be more demon than human. But I don't want to think that. I was raised to believe all demons are evil. I guess it doesn't matter what I think or what I want, though. It doesn't change anything.

[He frowns, disapproving of this sudden word vomit, and yet-- no, don't say it, don't--]

She's a Dhampir. A half-vampire. We slept together.

[And he said it. He cringes.]

You're human enough for me, and you sure as fuck don't seem evil. If you were, you'd be jacking cars and robbing banks and building a cult or some shit like that.

[...] Was she a good shag?

[Probably not the response he was expecting, but that's Alisha for you.]

I don't... I don't think I'd do any of those things. I don't want to.

[He furrows his brow, wanting to keep the next part in, but unable to. Stupid honesty.]

I don't know. I'd never done it before. It was nice, I thought.

[Oh god, he did not like confessing that.]

See? The proof's right there. You're not evil, end of story.

[Hoo boy, where to even start. Perhaps she should do a more emotional consolation of some sort or check in that he's alright.]

First time's always the hardest. Trust me, it'll get better as you go along and learn more, at least a lot better than just "nice." All the same, I hope this Rose girl was smart about it all.

...God, I hope she didn't have crabs or shit like that. You aren't carrying around any STDs, are you?

[Close enough.]

STDs?

[Cue another trademark puzzled look. Yep, he has no idea what you're talking about, Alisha, though you definitely get points for effort.]

I don't think she had -- I mean, it seemed fine. She said she doesn't do things like this often. But it wasn't her first time. She was surprised when I told her it was mine, I think?

[Well, she was and she wasn't, but he doesn't really get that just yet.]

I don't know a lot about this kind of thing. My father never really talked about it.

[She can't help but groan...] You have to be shitting me...

Please tell me she had you wear a condom; that might spare you a painful experience if she is dirty. And if she isn't, I really hope she's on the pill. I doubt you want to knock anyone up on the first go.

[Though Alisha certainly doesn't want to give the whole technical "birds and the bees" talk, she's not about to let him wander around in "sex ambiguity." She'll just do her best to get the facts and if things look bad, maybe walk him to the hospital to see a doctor.]

[He pauses, then shakes his head. Uh. Nope. They were at his apartment. He didn't have anything, or even know that he needed anything.]

No. That means I should be worried, doesn't it?

[He frowns, thoughtful.]

I think everything's fine. It's been a few weeks now. I would know, wouldn't I? If something was wrong. I would know by now.

[Oh God. Welp. Here goes nothing.]

Typically, blokes know when they get an STD. But it might be a good idea to get you to a clinic to have you checked out, just in case.

And... that's hard to say. Depends on her cycle. Best wait a month since it happened, ask if she got her period, and if she says no? Hope she slept with someone else and it's his kid.

[Best. Advice. Ever.]

[For a few moments, there's just a lot of staring as he processes.

This is much, much more complicated than he thought it would be.]

I -- I'll talk to her, before going to any doctors. ... I don't trust doctors. Especially not the ones here. But I'll talk to her. I think it's fine. I've never been sick. I'm not sure I can get sick.

I wouldn't like it if she'd slept with someone else.

You don't have to feel sick to have an STD. Maybe you'd be spared from HIV or something, I dunno, but I still don't know about the other shit. There's a lot. It's why I used to only pick, clean-looking, wealthy-looking guys to sleep with; if I did get something from them, at least they'd pay to get it treated.

[Okay, that was something she didn't want to admit, and it shows on her features. For now, she'll move on though.]

If you really mean that, better ask her if it meant anything to her while you're at it. If she didn't put any planning into it, the odds don't look very good. I know I certainly didn't give a flying fuck that one year in college when Rudy lost his virginity to me in a one night stand. Yeah, I hate myself for it now, especially with him being here now, but I really didn't care back then.

[FUCK. That was definitely something on the "tell absolutely no one" list.]

Shit. Just. Shit. Please forget I just said that.

[The look he gives the feed is more than a little judgmental, something he's sure to regret once this is over.]

That's how you chose who you had sex with? Not because it meant something to you?

... I'll ask her.

[His expression darkens considerably. He's processing all that he's being told, but so much of it, he just doesn't know how to address. His lack of experience in this area isn't helping him to sort through the conflicting thoughts and feelings he's finding himself bombarded with.]

I'll keep your secret.

[So long as Rudy doesn't talk to him during this honesty spell.]

[She knows that look. All she had to do was walk down the hall of her old college and she'd get more than a handful of glares along the same line. Needless to say, she can't keep the guilt and regret from crossing across her own features. Shame even pitifully glistens in her eye.]

Please don't look at me like that; I'm not that person anymore, alright? I couldn't be, even if I wanted to. Which I don't, but the point still stands.

....Now that cat's out of the bag, if things go sour when you talk to Rose... I'll be here to listen if you need it. Though judging by your expression, you probably won't want to. [She glances down.] I can't exactly blame you.

[Relief smooths out her features a tiny bit, though with such a change in his, she can't help but feel uneasy about talking with him. She might have ruined things for herself -for a friendship- yet again.]

Thanks.

I'm sorry. I didn't -- I didn't mean to. I don't know what I thought. I didn't know you then, but I know you now. I like the Alisha I know now. That's what's really important. Okay?

[It was an honest apology, at least, if bumbling, his features touched with regret.]

Of course I'll want to. You've been... you've helped me a lot since I first came here. Even if you might not think so.

I'm sorry, Alisha.

You wouldn't be the first person to look at me like that, you know. I dunno how I never let it bother me before. [Now, it hurts, enough that she wishes she could change the past; however, she nods, grateful and far more than relieved for his change in tone.

She takes a deep breath and puts on a much more pleasant countenance, even if her previous emotions still heavily leak through.]

Glad to know I've actually done some good, then; maybe it'll counteract some the shit I've done, like karma or something.

And... it's alright. Bit weird not having my record or reputation follow me here, actually. You couldn't have expected it.

We've all done things we regret. I know that better than most people. I've done awful things, Alisha. Much worse than that. I have no right to look at you as anything but a friend, and that's exactly what I'm going to do.

[Well, at least the truth-telling epidemic has made him slightly more verbose, in places.]

And it bothers you now. Someone else here told me that's a good sign. It means you're learning.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't fucking glad. That's actually really nice of you; can't think of too many people who'd do the same. [She manages a small smile.] Really, thanks.

[She takes a moment to think about his words.] I've known wot I did was shit. It's just... now I actually have to deal with it face to face.

Who you are now is more important than who you used to be. That's what I think, anyway. It's something I'd like to believe in for myself, too.

[He looks thoughtful for a moment, then nods, his expression sympathetic.]

It can't be easy. I'm sorry. But you're strong. One of the strongest people I know. You can do this.

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