(no subject)

[alwaysimpure]

[Have a view of a slightly frustrated Sirius Black, New Moore. He is unaffected by the event, but already fantastical enough to kind of fit the setting well enough anyway. And he has an announcement to make.]

A couple of things, since there seems to be widespread misinformation concerning my person.

For one, I'm a wizard, not a witch.

I do not have a gingerbread house. That seems awfully impractical, anyway.

I do not want, need or have any step-children. Or biological children, for that matter.

I also do not live anywhere called Oz and Oz isn't my name, either.

I have never cursed anyone to sleep for some ridiculously long and weirdly specific amount of time.

That said: Yes, I might be the fairest in all the land.

Also, I might not be an evil queen, but if people keep insisting on trying to eat my store and ask me to curse them so they can get true love's kiss, I might become a very irritable wizard, which is much the same.

Comments

[alwaysimpure]

Sure, whatever you say.
I'm evil all night and day.

[thneed]

Uhh- You're not suppose to go along with my joke.
You're supposed to deny being evil, you bloke.

[alwaysimpure]

Whenever I deny being things I'm not,
I end up being left in prison to rot.

[thneed]

Okay I'm guessing..
that I touched on something weirdly depressing.

Hey there pouty wizard! Cheer up?
You're clearly not in a prison now. Yup.

[alwaysimpure]

[...well, he's actually laughing at that, so success.]

So are you evil this time too?
I'm getting tired of fighting you.

[thneed]

[ He looks pleased with himself for getting a laugh ]

I don't know what you mean!
There's nothing evil about this scene.
I just sell stuff, see?
How bad could that be?

[alwaysimpure]

[It is an achievement these days.]

That's highly dependent on what you sell.
Other than that, I guess time will tell.

[thneed]

But I sell everything anyone could need!
Nothing bad unless used for an evil deed.
That wouldn't make me the evil one.
Might be the customer's evil. I have none.

[alwaysimpure]

I'll believe you and not threaten this time;
partly because that might not be easy to rhyme.

[thneed]

Anything's easy rhyme even a threat.
If you're as good at it as me, I bet.
Which you're not one bit, clearly!
But you wouldn't need to rhyme as severely.

[alwaysimpure]

Tell me what rhymes with 'backwards' then
and I'll gladly practice again and again.
One day I might be nearly as good as you!
Not that you'd admit it, even if it were true.

[thneed]

-Backward?
Awkward.
Might? No way. I'm a wiz.
Simply the best darn rhymer there is.

[alwaysimpure]

Ward and ward doesn't rhyme, you git.
Guess there's an end even to your wit!

[thneed]

THOSE ARE TWO DIFFERENT WORDS AND THEY DO.
SO SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU.

[alwaysimpure]

Ohh, did I find a weak spot?
Rhyming something that rhymes not?

[thneed]

THOSE RHYME, JERK.
THEY DEFINITELY WORK.

[alwaysimpure]

I think you're slacking,
your rhymes are lacking.
Maybe you just try to hard.
You're not really a bard.

[thneed]

Nobody said I was a bard!
It's offensive of you to disregard,
that I told you I sold things.
REALLY! It stings.
I have to rhyme
literally all the time.
So that you think a rhyme was NOT
Makes me want to boil you in a pot.

What are they even.

[alwaysimpure]

Don't think that'd taste all that good,
remind me never to buy any of your food.
That I disregard what you said is a false accusation,
you're completely misrepresenting the situation.
I believe what you say -
at least for today.
But that rhyme - I'm not trying to be offensive -
was still off. No need to get all defensive!