MY FLATMATE KIDNAPPED HIMSELF INTO THE TELLY AND NOW HE WON'T STOP 69ING HIMSELF AND HE'S UNDERAGE AND ALSO THERE'S BLOODY ORGANS EVERYWHERE? WHY? WHY ORGANS? WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING DISGUSTING LOOKING?
AND NOW I'M SCARRED FOR LIFE, THANK YOU. REALLY. If I didn't need therapy before, I need it now
Ughhhhhh Christ. It's some shite sci-fi logic that I don't pretend to understand but surely I've told you about the time I SOMEHOW got kidnapped into the telly and spilled my secrets to everyone cos it was absolutely the time of my life, let me tell you
AND THE GUTS AREN'T IN MY FLAT! They're on TV. cos that's a great thing to show the world
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We're on an island. Not a very big one at that.
And why can't I turn on the telly? What did you do?
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I'm ninety-five percent certain I had nothing to do with it!
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WHAT. THE FUCK. IS GOING ON?
Is it really that hard to answer?
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[switching to private]
Just slow the fuck down for a minute.
1. How did your flatmate get into the TV?
2. A person can't 69 themselves. Except for probably Rudy, but I REALLY don't want to think about that.
3. WHY THE FUCK do you have guts all over the place?
4. WHY HAVEN'T YOU CLEANED THEM UP TO HIDE THE EVIDENCE????
[ alisha you're an angel too PRIVATE TIMES wink ]
Ughhhhhh Christ. It's some shite sci-fi logic that I don't pretend to understand but surely I've told you about the time I SOMEHOW got kidnapped into the telly and spilled my secrets to everyone cos it was absolutely the time of my life, let me tell you
AND THE GUTS AREN'T IN MY FLAT! They're on TV. cos that's a great thing to show the world
[ private times oh myyyy ]
Worse case, just mute it and throw a blanket over it. Problem solved.
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See: my last text
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It's still sick.
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You sure can pick 'em; so proud of you.
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You ever think to ask?