thoughtformed | (no subject)

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As amazing as it was to have so many new faces in town, it's much calmer without the crowds. Welcome to the few who stayed! If you have any questions that didn't get answered in that hullaballoo, I'd be more than happy to try and answer what I can.

Ah, otherwise, if you're interested in a job, the police station is hiring a night-shift dispatcher and they're always looking for more qualified officers!

[Private Audio: Sirius]

[Subdued and thoughtful, Sheska's voice is softer than it usually is when she contacts him. More serious. The last time she sounded like this was probably around the time she mentioned Mr. Hughes in casual conversation.]

Do you think I might be able to stop by the shop and talk this evening? I think I need some advice.

[Private Text: The Once-ler]

Can I ask you a question? I need some advice.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Habit, yes. Tea is a bit of normalcy and also the only domestic thing he manages. Still with magical help, naturally, which is why it doesn't take long before he sets a cup down in front of Sheska, leaning against the counter himself as he takes a sip.]

Don't have anything else to offer I'm afraid, love.

[He's silent for a while, then he moves a little closer, catching Sheska's eyes.]

Tell me.

[Sheska shook her head in fond, mute rejection of his self-deprecation and gratefully curled her fingers around the warm teacup. At least this was something she could get her head around. Unlike this mad situation she found herself in. Just what were the odds? Nothing resembling interest for years and years, and here she was, in her late twenties, with two suitors at the same time! Which assumed that Rudy was still interested, of course. By now that might be completely inaccurate.

Sirius said something and she looked up before her brain managed to parse the phrase.]

Hm? Oh, yes, I'm sorry... I was just thinking...

[How to say this. Well, maybe she should just start out with the situation. Clear and simple. Trying to anonymize and condense it didn't seem to help. She set the cup down carefully.]

Do you remember the other week? When I, um, was in high school again? Do you remember me bringing in a tall, thin boy sometimes? Or was that only in my memory?

Er... No, I don't really remember that. What was he called?

[Since 'tall, thin boy' wasn't exactly helping him much. Sirius is noting that Sheska seems fairly distressed, but some days it seemed as if much of anything could distress her, so he's not taking it all that serious yet.]

Ah... It must have been something I did before that week, but not during. Sorry... Um, his name is Rudy. Rudy Wade, I think, technically, but we didn't really use last names as children.

[She kept it simple and managed a fairly neutral tone, even if she did hesitate a moment before giving the full name. She'd looked him up, actually, trying to figure out if he was in her same building.]

...Rudy?

[Yes, one of his favourite people, that much is clear. Still, Sirius swallows and shakes his head, pushing that negativity aside for the moment to concentrate on her again.]

I know him. So you and he were friends?

[She blinks up at him in owlish surprise. She hadn't expected that sort of reaction, even if he did know Rudy. ]

Um... Yes. He was really kind to me. Studied with me, walked me home to make sure I wasn't bullied, ate lunch with me sometimes... Was just very sweet in general. And then that week, he asked me out. It... it was wonderful! I mean, I didn't even know I could hope for such a thing, and we were such good friends, and I liked him, and to find out that he liked me...

[Then why do you look like this hurts you to say, Sheska?]

We even kissed! My first kiss all over again. We had plans! We were going to spend time together over the summer vacation - even go camping! He was going to teach me to swim! But...

[She hesitates, then sighs, unsure just how much she should say.]

Then everything changed back and... I felt like I needed to talk to him. To find out what he felt and what I felt and what we were going to do. So... I texted him about it, and we sort of set up something. I think it qualified as a date. But he doesn't drink coffee, and suggested we go to a bar. I'd never been to one, so I thought it would be a new experience, and we could talk. Sirius... He's so... different now, and I don't know what happened. And I don't know what to do, now.

You don't know what happened? [Red flags, they are rising all over the place.]

Sheska, love, do you like that bloke?

[To his credit he is trying not to sound too judgmental as he asks that. He is at least slightly aware that his own intense dislike of Rudy is partly fueled by the rivalry they seem to have going in regards to Alisha.]

Was he still sweet and kind to you when you met at the bar?

I... I remember some of it very well, but patches are... well, it's fuzzy at best.

[She glances away, shifting uncomfortably under his concern. The "L" word makes the color rise in her cheeks and she takes her hands away from the cup so their shaking doesn't rattle the china.]

That's part of what I'm trying to find out. He... He was... different. Sometimes he was sweet and complimentary and relaxed, and I could almost see him as a child, sitting across from me! But... sometimes he was sharper, and... almost meaner. More dismissive. And when he was gentler, it was really nice, and I.... I liked him. I'm not sure what happened to him to make him change like that.

Life does that to people. I've changed a lot from when I was young.

Maybe it'd be better if you just got to know him the way he is now before taking things any further?

[Sirius watches her carefully, since he suspects that maybe things have been taken further than they ever should have.]

I know Rudy a bit, I don't like him much. Rude, obnoxious shit. Doesn't mean he's not capable of being nice, but... Just make sure he really is nice, not just pretending so you'll like him.

[She shifts uncomfortably, flushing and unable to meet his eye. The silence draws out, stretching almost to the breaking point before she speaks again, very quietly.]

....If he can pretend that well, I'm not sure I'd be able to tell.

[He nods, and then finally reaches out to take her hand in his.]

If he makes you feel this unsure, Sheska, then... Trust is the most important thing. Lack of trust can...

[Kill your friends if it's the wrong bloke you mistrust.]

Just. Don't give a bloke a chance at having you if you don't trust him to deserve it.

[She can't hide the nervous trembling this way, but she can't deny that she's been hoping he might do that.]

I did trust him. Implicitly. And he was careful! He didn't want me to be hurt. Sirius, I don't want to hurt him.

[She can't stop the anguish from leaking into her tone, and bites her lip.]

This is about a bit more than pleasing him, Sheska. You have to figure out what you want for your own sake, not for his. No one wants a girlfriend out of pity. [He pauses for a moment, then shrugs.] Well, at least no one should want it. And you should be with whoever you really want to be with. With whoever you feel comfortable around. Whoever won't push you into anything you don't feel ready for.

Oh, Sirius, I hardly know what I want! I didn't think this would ever happen to me and now that it has... I-I don't want to mess things up. What if this is my only chance?

[She gently took back her hand to tuck her hair back behind her ears, looking a little sick.]

It's selfish of me, but I-I can't help but wonder...

Let me tell you something: It's not your only chance. It won't be your only chance.

Don't go for someone because you're settling. Only settle with someone you truly want.

I-I guess Koizumi did just ask... Goodness only knows why... Rudy isn't my only choice, I suppose.

[Sheska runs her hands over her face, making a little distressed sound in the back of her throat.]

How did this even happen? How do you make a choice like that?

I really don't know, Sheska, I've never been good with things like this.

But I've seen people in love, really in love, amazing, sweet, wonderful people like you and I'm sure that when you make your choice, you will just be sure as well. They just knew.

Surely you've had some experience... [She sounds absolutely wretched, unaware that the phrase might hurt.] Everyone wants to be with you - they certainly must have plagued you at school - how did you turn them down? Or break up with someone? This is so far beyond me... What if you like someone, but you're already with someone else? And the second person asks you out? Maybe I should just give up on dating. It's all so complicated. I could only dream of something so pure as to be able to just know like that.

Look, Sheska, love, I... You really don't want to live up to my example. In anything. I'm sure there are worse examples somewhere out there, but I couldn't think of any.

I just know that you deserve to be happy. And you deserve someone special to make you happy. I'm sure it will happen to you, maybe when you least expect it. Don't force it, love. You'll find the right one.

Nonsense... [To what part of that speech she's referring is unclear, and she doesn't clarify, sighing and murmuring something about not being cut out for this under her breath.]

Did I... Did I tell you that I had someone else ask me? I don't understand how it keeps happening.

Who else asked you out, love? And, to be honest, what I can't understand is how this hasn't happened a thousand times before already.

[She could give him a list as long as her arm, but somehow she thinks that was rhetorical.]

Itsuki Koizumi. Your roommate, I think, actually... I don't... really understand.

Ah...

Huh. Well. Do you like him?

I... [She bites her lip, looking guilty.] I think so? I hadn't really thought about it much, but... The more I think about it, the more I think it's true. I don't know what to do.

Well... The obvious thing to do would be spending more time with him, don't you think? See if you feel the sparks.