There are nine thousand tales in the City of Chains...

[tallishtales.livejournal.com]

But I'll wager not one of them is quite like mine. And now, here I am in a whole new city of stories, all of them just piled up and waiting to be told, and nobody with any real flair to tell them until now.

So! Fellow refugees of narrative! Let me know why your story needs to be told. I'll make you famous. Immortal, you could say. And my rates are very reasonable. You can find me any evening down at the Nancing Phony (and never was an inn better named), and assuming you're properly heroic, we should be able to work out a distribution deal pretty painlessly.  Varric Tethras, at your service.

Comments

[tallishtales.livejournal.com]

So what made you do it, then? A terrible curse? A clash between honor and duty that you couldn't reconcile? Unrequited love? Give me something to work with that doesn't make you sound like a lunatic, Horns.

[squidissension]

i beat the shit out a her shitty lowwblood neww boyfriend and she tried to stab me wwith a fuckin trident

[tallishtales.livejournal.com]

Ah. Jealousy. Now there's a classic motivation, something listeners will understand. Not the most sympathetic of feelings, mind, but it gives me some material.

[squidissension]

youre not making another one a those fuckruckus movvies wwith this are you

[tallishtales.livejournal.com]

Fuckruckus, eh? Now there's a creative turn of phrase.

I'm afraid I don't have the slightest idea what a movie is, Horns.

[squidissension]

not its not its a fuckin stupid nickname its not clevver at all

[tallishtales.livejournal.com]

[squidissension]

and i WWASNT jealous

[tallishtales.livejournal.com]

So... why did you do it, then?

[squidissension]

she wwouldnt leavve wwith me i wwas gonna savve us

[tallishtales.livejournal.com]

Oh. That sounds... tragic. Traumatic.

Keep going.

[squidissension]

she wwouldvve been happier if id been culled at birth

[tallishtales.livejournal.com]

We need a consistent narrative here, horns. How about you just tell me the whole story of these fights, and we'll go from there? From your ill-fated bid for the Empress's affections over an undeserving rival, to your fatal encounter with a vengeful abomination settling a past grudge, I think we really have some quality hero-narrative here, if we can just find the right way to explain it to people.

[squidissension]

you think i could really havve a gran advventure tale a my owwn

[tallishtales.livejournal.com]

Doesn't it sound exciting, the way I just put it? We just need to spruce it up a bit, add a few details here and there, and you could be on your way to glory.

[squidissension]

thats wwhat i deservve

[tallishtales.livejournal.com]

And there's the ambition. Good.

Keep talking, Eridan. Now we're really getting somewhere.

[squidissension]

kar screwwed us all ovver wwith the game but it wwent wwrong and this thing came after us

[squidissension]

destroyed the wworld

[squidissension]

stranded us on some rock floatin in the fuckin middle of space wwaitin to die

[squidissension]

i had this plan but nobody wwanted to followw it

[tallishtales.livejournal.com]

And that's when it all went wrong. When circumstance drove you to kill the Empress who wouldn't let you save her?

[squidissension]

i already TOLD you sol attacked me and wwhen i koed him she attacked me right back she nevver wwanted anythin to do wwith me

[tallishtales.livejournal.com]

All right. I think I get... the general picture.

Karkat's the self-righteous one who lead you all into disaster.

Sol is the low-blood your future Empress paid attention to.

The future Empress herself, though -- you still haven't given me a name for her. And if you named the one who came back from the dead, I missed it.

[squidissension]

her names feferi